FicWad

He's not here! No note, no clue - nothing! Just upped and gone! Where the fuck is he?!

Frantically I search the messy room. All I find is blood on the floor and a pile of disturbed clothes. My Izzy, my angel, he's gone! He's left me! Screaming, my heart breaking, I kick the mattress. It shifts, revealing a little sliver of paper. As I try to calm down, I bend and pick it up. It's a book of matches from somewhere. Metro Boarding House, Hawthron Avenue, LA. My heart pounds as I wonder if that's where he is.

With the matchbook clutched in one hand, I race out into the city. My heart is in a million pieces, broken by the possibility that Izzy has upped and left me. I thought we were soul mates, together forever, through everything. Fuck! I feel so bad for not telling him this morning. I wanted to tell him, meant to tell him but in my rush I forgot. I just kissed his sleeping eyes and left. I hope that was enough for him to realise how I feel. He could be anywhere. Could be dead... Fuck, I hope not. If he wants to leave me, I want to have the chance to just say goodbye. Goodbye and thank you.

I skid to a stop in front of a dilapidated building. It looks like a real roach fest. There's an uneasy air about the place, as if the peeling paint is hiding deeper wounds. It looks worse than Izzy's building. Cautiously I walk into the small lobby, taking in the cracked and dirty tiles and the old, ripped furniture. A rotting smell fills the air and I feel my lunch rise. A dirty, obese man sits behind a metal grille, looking like some kind of zoo animal. Nervously I approach, his beady eyes watching my every move, watching me like I'm his next meal. Maybe I am. It feels like that kind of place.

"I'm looking for someone," I quietly say.

He rolls his eyes before replying, "Everyone's looking for someone. Whatda want?"

"What do you mean?" I frown, confused.

He snorts, his eyes rolling again before leering at me.

"Sex, drugs, it's all here. You just gotta ask."

I shake my head, licking my dry lips. "No, I'm looking for a guy. Skinny, slightly taller than me, long black hair."

I can see the gears in the guy's head grinding together as he thinks.

"Came in with a skinny red-head about an hour ago. Room thirteen."

I nod and race for the stairs, taking them two at a time. They creak and tremble under my assault, threatening to give out at any moment. I turn into a narrow corridor, my feet sticking to the remains of the carpet. The rotting smell has been replaced by the awful smell of cooking fat. There are noises coming from behind every door and I have a feeling that this place rents rooms by the hour. Room numbers seem non-existent bar a slight ghosting of where they once were. My eyes scan and come across the faint outline of a one and a three. It's the only door with silence behind it. Maybe they're not here? Maybe the guy's got the wrong room. I press my ear against the door, trying to remain quiet as I listen for clues. My eyes go wide as I hear the near silent sound of panting and the quiet tapping of a bed against a wall. A lump forms in my throat and I can feel tears coming to my eyes. Shit, Slash! Don't fuckin' cry. If he wants to go with Bill fuckin' let him. You obviously meant nothing to him. Nothing at all.With my ear still against the door, I slide to the floor, quiet tears rolling down my cheeks as the noise of passionate sex gets louder. I shove my fist into my mouth and bite down, trying to stop myself from sobbing. Fuck you Stradlin! Fuck you for loving me and breaking me! You only wanted me so that you could break me like Bill had broken you!

A scream pierces the air and I can't take it any more. Bawling my eyes out, I scramble to my feet and kick the door in, falling through it.

"I thought you loved me!" I howl. "I thought we were soul mates!"

Heartbroken, I sit on my knees, crying and blaming and screaming before the deathly silence hits me. Wiping my eyes, I realise that I'm the only one making a noise. Through bleary eyes, I survey the grimy scene before me. A naked Bill, his bloody cock hanging limply between his legs, sits on the edge of the bed staring at me. His posture scream of pain, lust and domination. Our eyes lock - his filled with hate, mine filled with hurt. A chain dangles from his hand and I trace it to the bed. I gasp as I see Izzy, on his knees and his back painfully stretched, his wrists tied to a light fitting high on the wall. The chain dangles from his neck, from the collar I gave him.

Bill snickers. "Your little pet finally came home."

The pain and the rage boils to the surface and I launch myself at Bill, roaring blue murder. Grabbing his hair, I drag him to the floor and scramble onto the bed. Shakily I untie Izzy's hands, sobbing as I gently lower his battered body to the bed. Raw, seeping wounds cover his perfect skin, obviously the remnants of Bill's assault. Silently he turns his face to mine and I gasp as I see the gag strapped into his mouth, his midnight black hair hiding the straps from view. With tears back on my cheeks, I gently pick open the buckles, coaxing it from his mouth. He cough and chokes, vomiting bile onto the floor.

"Izz..." Gently I stroke his hair, my tears falling and glistening among the dark waves.

He stares at me through wide, glazed eyes, his body trembling uncontrollably. I carefully kiss his cheek, trying to keep my eyes soft and calm. But it's a losing battle. Deep down I'm terrified, terrified that he's broken beyond all repair, terrified that he'll choose Bill over me.

An evil snigger fills the room and I turn to see Bill, kneeling by the bed, his green eyes glinting.

"He's not coming back to you Slash." He spits my name like its poison. "He's nothin' but a worthless whore who needs to learn his place in the sexual food chain." He sneers towards Izzy. "At the bottom."

I lash out, hitting that perfect face as I snatch the chain from his hands. Gripping it like it'll save my life, I turn back to Izzy. He's quiet and shaking, his skin a more deathly pale than normal. Whispering quiet words of love, I reach beneath his hair and carefully unlock the collar, dropping it and the chain to the floor with a clatter. Gently I bundle Izzy into my arms, holding his naked frame to me. He doesn't protest, doesn't try to escape, just lets out little whimpers. Snarling, I turn back to Bill. Is there no end to the deprivation he'll stoop to?

"What the fuck have you done to him?" I spit at him.

Despite the painful looking mark on his cheek, he just laughs.

"I'm saving you from him."

I frown, wanting to beat the shit out of him but more determined to care for the broken body in my arms.

"Wanna explain?"

He sneers and laughs, the noise digging into my brain like a pickaxe.

"That worthless excuse for a man is nothing but a lying, cheating whore. He told me I was his first, that he loved me. But I found out that while he was fucking other guys while pretending to love me. He gave me all these promises, made me believe that he loved me. I fucked him at your place." He grins, wide and toothy. "Fucked him real good and he enjoyed. Screamed my name." I watch as Bill's expression quickly changes, his face dropping and eyes glazing over. "I love him, more than anything else and he left me. Left me to come here and fuck /you/."

He curls into a ball and begins to cry, rocking back and forth as his hands tear at his hair. I feel like I should be feeling some kind of pain, some pain that Izzy went behind my back and messed around. Yet I feel nothing, just a painful emptiness. My hands gently stroke over Izzy's body, finding comfort from having him there close to me. I drop my eyes, looking down to see terrified ones looking back up at me.

"Is this true?" I quietly ask.

Slowly he nods, eyes closing as if he's hiding himself from me. My hands don't stop their rhythmic stroking, don't stop the reassurance that

I'm trying to give him.

"Why?" I don't raise my voice, don't want to scare him any more than needs be.

"He forced me," his voice is dry and cracked. "Bent me and fucked me. I'm only human Slash and he made me give in, made me come."

"You made yourself come, you lying little shit!" Bill screams from the floor. He struggles to his knees and grabs a handful of Izzy's hair.

"You were jacking off like you had five seconds left to live!"

I aim a foot at Bill's stomach, kicking him to the floor.

"Don't you dare fuckin' touch him!" I respond. "You're done enough fuckin' damage!"

I turn my attention back to the frightened figure in my lap. He looks so small, eyes peering out from under that hair, filled with pain and tears. Nervously he reaches out and I gently take his hand.

"I'm sorry Slash," he whispers hoarsely. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Softly I kiss his fingers, just as he'd done to mine all those weeks ago in the deli.

"You haven't hurt me," I reply, holding his fingers to my face. I swallow around the lump in my throat. "I just want to know... if this is goodbye?"

Izzy's eyes leave mine and flick over to Bill. I watch them silently communicate, eyes watching the other.

Izzy sighs, coughing a little. "Bill wants me to stay here."

I brush the hair from his face, fingers dancing over the soft skin of his cheeks.

"What do you want Izz?" I keep my voice soft and loving, mentally pleading with him to come back with me.

He just looks at me, eyes big as he seems to search for the words.

"I think I should stay here," he quietly replies, averting his gaze.

The little pieces of my heart that had been melting back together quickly shatter again. Tears stream down my cheeks as I cling to Izzy, rocking and sobbing. My pale prince has chosen another, another who will only hurt and destroy him. Only suck all that's good from him.

Izzy is suddenly pulled from my arms and into the lap of a laughing Bill. He nods his head towards the door, his face twisted in an vicious leer.

"I win." He sounds quietly triumphant. "Now get the fuck out."

Shaking, I stand, spying the collar on the floor. I carefully bend and pick it up, freeing it from the chain. I grip it in my hands, taking one last look at my perfect lover, cradled possessively against his red-headed dragon. Slowly I turn, tears flowing down my cheeks as I step back out into the corridor, the door closing on a beautiful part of my life.