This is an interesting start. I was randomly linked to this by a friend of mine and I am intrigued by the premise, certainly. The one great problem I have with this, and it is an annoyance and nothing more, is the use of casual terms that people would never say. "Dark Tosser", for example, after the Dark Lord that frankly everyone fears. I am aware there is some need for such casual tone, but it takes away from the whole persona of "I am evil, fear me unless you are Harry who owns me :("
Nonetheless, I liked this chapter. I will continue to read. Wasn't perfect, but still a fun read and it sets up some stuff later on.
- Chris
Author's response
Having been there and done that I can say that its JKR's representation that is wrong.
Wog, gook, raghead, nazi's, redcoats, the list is endless. People fighting denigrate their enemies.
Perhaps that was the original reason for Riddles abuse of people using his name, after all how scary is Vulterwart, the easiest corruption?