Review for you can keep my brother

you can keep my brother

(#) hopeanne 2007-10-05 06:47:33 AM

what a chapter!
I kinda suspected that Gerard wouldve had the dog tag. I mean after cole... But I was thinking it was gonna be more like he found it and was hurt that she was so careless with it... But this was good. Actually it was better. It kinda looks like he cares more for her then she does for him... And you still dont say what the significance is to him... I mean why it matters so much to him. I hope eventually you'll tell us and its somekinda sweet story that makes you go awww Gee...

I liked the back and forth conversations they have too. It makes me feel,ummm smart... you know like other people babble like that too and its not just me who makes no sense...
I could totally feel for her. You know leaving out important words... Its frustrating cause you know what you want to say, and you the other persons not getting it and its like youre tripping over your tongue...
And its also quite amusing!

I also liked how you brought back in Ray and Bob and kinda mentioned Frankie. Ive missed them in the last few chapters... But that second part seemed like it shouldve been its own chapter... Like you shouldve ended it with her looking sadly at the tag and then the next chap with her witnessing the hoodie fight. -loved the line about convincing monkeys that they dont like bananas!~
but I wouldve liked to see more interaction between sky and ray and bob. You kinda just blurred over it with the whole we agreed not to tell him. I wouldve like see how that went down...

And the end! DEPRESSING MUCH? Not gonna see him for months! and he leaves on a bad note! I mean did he leave on a bad note? You kinda glazed over that part too. I wouldve loved a really heartwrenching scene where she said goodbye to them one at a time and then Gerard was last and he--- what??? ignored her. Brushed her off? what?! all you said was he didnt say goodbye. I mean did he sneak out to the car or something? But more importantly -Did the other guys notice?

Author's response

that's was soo helpful! i knew the chapter was lacking some more description and i had to develop it more, but i kinda just plastered it on here cause all the shit with oli but you motivated me so i'm gonna add a few things there! thanx!

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