I like the story so far. I think you need some type of summary so people will take and interest in the story and read it.
As for grammar corrections: you did a very good job only three things I noticed.
One: Opening quotes should be above the line like "My name is Tim." the boy said.
Two: When new paragraph should be started when ever there is a new speaker.
Three: 'Safed' is not a word the word you should use is 'saved'. Off by only one letter.
Otherwise great job. I look forward to more.