Well, i really like the concept of the story. The only thing is that i can't really take your story seriously because of your grammar; you need to leave two spaces at the start of every sentence and not use words like "wtf". Sorry if that sounds condascending, but its true.
I hope you take that on board.
Cant wait for your next chapter :)
Author's response
Thanks for the review and thanks for telling me that! I'm just not that good at the whole writing thing....Well I'll try my best to make things better!