This story needs some scrubbing yet. For example, each time there's a new speaker, there should be a new paragraph. A run through spellchecker and a care for capitalization would help too.
Author's response
thanks. but my sis edits my stories. and my..well our comp dosent have spell check. and what do you mean by 'new speaker'? sorry if this bothers you but im still we are still learning. thank you for readning my story though!