I really like this story :)
But Lilly doesn't sound that English.
- We don't really use "soft drink" in everyday language, we'd just say juice, and instead of soda, we just use the name brand.
- We don't have an official "tea time", it's just an afternoon snack if we feel like it.
- In the next chapter Lilly says "cell phone", In England it's a "mobile phone".
Other than that, it's really great! If you need any help with Englishness, feel free to ask :)
Author's response
Thanks for the lesson, but I was actually born in Liverpool and raised in Swansea, so your help is unnecessary.
I have ALWAYS called them "soft drinks", my family always had a set tea time, and I've been in America for as long as I've had a cell phone, so forgive me that one.
Other than that, please feel free to stop reading my story if you have such a problem with how I have chosen to make my character speak. :)