This story is actually cute and funny in a way and I mean that as a compliment. It's actually fun to read, but I guess the thing that had me chuckling is a misspelling of yours in this chapter during the encounter between Harry and Susan. You write that Harry shot "seamen" all over Susan. All I could think of was thousands of tiny sailors running all over her body and skiing down her breasts. The word you want is "semen."
I'm not making fun of you, honest. It's just one of those things that gave a middle-age crazy person a smile. Good job!
Author's response
Thanks for the review, I should really have someone "beta" these before posting, spell check isn't catching my stupidity! I appreciate you enjoying this story for what it is, my own deviant mind at work!