Sug, I like your story, you have the right idea and story plot it seems...But things seem to be going a tad bit to fast. You take 1 chapter to do what if written with more of a mysterious tone could take about 2 or 3. But I love it :)
~SweeT DangeR
Author's response
I think I know what you're saying. I also thought that I should add more details. I will try to add that in my next story. :)