Review for They gave us 2 shots to the back of the head
(#) FrankAIero 2012-07-27 02:02:33 PM
The idea itself it's pretty good. But I feel like you don't know where you're going and it's all over the place. Every now and then you'll have spelling mistakes that I graciously look over. Your grammar is not the best and your writing style is sort of confusing. Maybe you aren't comfortable with your writing style yet.
I think this could be good, but it needs a lot of work. The shortness does not bother me at all. But the story does need a ton of work. Do you have a beta? I'd suggest getting one. It's a lot of help and makes things less stressful.
I noticed you used the excuse of using your phone but that is a terrible excuse. I know tons of authors on here that work on their phone and still get everything in order and post some pretty amazing stuff. Hopefully I'm not coming across as a hater. I'm just trying to help and offering some -hopefully- helpful criticism.
Just keep working and writing and it will progressively get better. You have a lot of potiential and I think if you take criticism and think it over and let it help you, you'll go far.
Chaos theory; a nargle flaps its wings in China, and Luna responds differently to Harry during their...
In: Harry Potter
- Authors: 608776
- Stories: 40301
"Upon his father finding out about his drug use again, he is forced to join recovery seminars. His d...
New assistant and new co-worker hired at Gerard's job but he finds them both incredibly attractive.
portable stage manufacturer
In: Linkin Park
Up and coming Detective "L" for the first time is Feeling Defeated well working on a case in The U.S...
In: Death Note
Round four comes to Rose and the crew. Rosie discovers that she is pregnant. This of course opens th...
In: Fall Out Boy