exaple should be example.
Evilest should be most evil
I catch a concerned encounter with Hugo's hazel golden brown eyes hovering above me.
What the hell is a concerned encounter?
He happens to be rattling my shoulders, begging me to expose that I'm truly awake.
This should be something like 'He was shaking my shoulders and yelling at me to wake up' or something similar
And that's in the first paragraph. Your entire fic reads like this. As notimportant mentioned, syntax and grammar are very important, especially when you have the lot of grammar nazis running around on this archive like we do.
If you're serious about being a writer, take the time and make the effort to at least have a fic that's good from a technical standpoint.