Past Hogwarts Headmaster Harry Potter's portrait appears. He isn't quite what the current Headmaster was expecting.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
WARNING: slight DH spoiler, SLASH, If you don't like slash please don't read it.
AN: This has been in the files section on my yahoo group for some time but I just realized I had posted it here. HP/SS
It was the mild muttering and slight sound of scraping that caught the attention of the small, round man working at the desk. He rose and walked to the wall where the portraits were rearranging themselves. A new portrait was manifesting.
The portrait showed a lean man with messy black hair just silvering at the temples, dressed in open charcoal robes, over an emerald green jumper and black trousers. The man stretched in his chair and opened startling green eyes as the inscription on the frame wrote itself out; Harry James Potter Headmaster 2034-2037.
"Welcome, welcome," greeted the man.
Harry looked around and asked, "Where the hell am I? Who are you?"
The round man blinked a moment then smiled, "You're are in Hogwarts, Headmaster Potter, I am Conrad Crumb, the current Headmaster. I take it your death was a surprise?"
Harry grimaced, "Damn, the bastard killed me! If you'd be so kind, as to notify Auror headquarters to check with the Bolivian magical law enforcement, to see if I took their new Dark Lord with me?"
"Er, yes of course. Just let me tell you how glad I am to welcome you back to Hogwarts and that I'm looking forward to speaking with you. You can't know how proud I am to witness a second manifestation in a weeks time," said Crumb with a wide smile.
Harry frowned, "You're glad I'm dead?"
Crumb shook his head in denial, "Oh, no that's not what I meant at all, I just--"
Harry cut him off, "Wait, someone else died? Oh, don't tell me it was Neville."
Crumb frown again, "You mean Headmaster Longbottom? Oh, no, it was Severus Snape, he was only Headmaster for a year. Long before you, I believe."
"Snape's finally here, I knew that git wasn't dead. Where are you, Snape?" yelled Harry walking into the next portrait and coming face to face with Albus Dumbledore.
"Hello, Harry my boy, welcome, lemon drop?" said Dumbledore.
"Where is he?" asked Harry.
"I believe he is to the other side of you. Minerva and I have had a long discussion with Severus, Harry you must not blame him," said Dumbledore trailing off as Harry left the portrait and stalked back through his own.
"Ha, found you at last you bastard. I knew when we couldn't find your body that you weren't dead. I looked for you," said Harry.
Snape had risen from his chair and stood smirking down at Harry. Crumb and the other portraits were watching avidly. Crumb had never seen any other portrait act like this. Headmasters of Hogwarts were suppose to be men and women of refinement and dignity.
"You couldn't find your arse with both hands," the words ended with a slight squeak as Harry grasp one of Snape's butt cheeks. "That's my arse, Potter," he drawled with another smirk.
Harry's other hand fisted itself in Snape's robes and with a jerk their lips met.
Crumbs eyes widened at the this and the other portraits began to mutter and tsk as clothing began to litter the bottom of the frame.
"Here now, you aren't to be doing this," said Crumb. "This is my office, I have to have meetings here."
A vest went flying through Potter's frame to land on Dumbledore's hat. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily as he moved to drape it on the back of the chair in Potter's frame. The severe witch to Snape's other side huffed and turned away.
Crumb hastily summoned his cloak and threw it over the portrait. Then realized it did not keep the sound in. He added a silencing charm to the cloak but not before the screamed words "Oh, gods, YES!" had him blushing like a school boy.
Headmaster Potter had not returned to his portrait that day, nor the next and Crumb had been hesitant to remove the cloak but on the third day he needed it to go to the Ministry. With some trepidation he canceled the charm and removed the cloak to find the frame empty but for several pieces of clothing including a pair of boxers draped on the reading lamp. Crumb spent several minutes contemplating just where two naked portraits might go but in the end decided to adhere to the age old Hogwarts tradition. As long as no one was screaming at him he would ignore the situation in the hopes that it would go away.