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Nothing To Lose
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The plane started to land at London Heathrow Airport and Bryan started to feel the first dregs of nervousness come over him. He gripped Jamie's hand tightly and willed the feelings to go away. He had no reason to be nervous about going back to his home, but then again, England hadn't always been a happy home for him. It was only after he met Jamie that things started going good for him again. England had once been a home of heart break and fear, and he didn't want to face that again.

"Are you okay," Jamie asked looking at him with concern.

Bryan nodded and started to open his eyes.

"Sorry, guess I'm more nervous about being home than I though," he said with a soft laugh.

"I guess so," Jamie replied.

He knew something was wrong with Bryan and he knew he would have to wait until Bryan wanted to tell him before he found out what it was. Bryan squeezed his hand reassuringly and stood up to grab his carryon when the plane fully landed. Jamie grabbed his and Andy's bag and they all walked off the plane.

They walked into the terminal and Bryan gave them a small smile.

"I'll go get our luggage alright?" he said and walked off towards the luggage bags.

"Jamie is there something wrong with Bryan," Andy asked after a few moments.

"I don't know Andy," Jamie said softly.

"I hope he gets better soon, he's acting funny," Andy said.

"You noticed it to?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah," Andy replied.

"He should be fine after he gets some sleep. I'm sure you noticed how much flying takes out of you," Jamie told him reassuringly.

Andy was going to answer but stifled a yawn and Jamie laughed.

"See what I mean?" he said.

Andy nodded and smiled himself.

A few minutes later Bryan was bringing their bags over and Jamie took half of them. He informed them that he had called a cab and it was waiting for them out side. Before they knew it they were on their way to the hotel they would be staying in while they were in England. They paid for two separate rooms. They were right next to each other so that way Andy could have his own privacy and so couldn't Jamie and Bryan.

After they unpacked in their rooms Andy went to sleep and Jamie and Bryan sat down for dinner. After a few moments of silence Jamie couldn't take it anymore.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked Bryan.

"What do you mean," Bryan asked confused.

"You've barely spoken since we got on the plane and when you do, you act all weird," Jamie exclaimed.

"Nothing's wrong Jamie," Bryan said with a smile.

"You're lying too, so why don't you tell me," Jamie asked and then said softly, "You're not having second thoughts are you?"

"No, I'm not," Bryan said getting up and walking over to him. "Never about you."

Bryan pulled him up from his chair and wrapped his arms around him.

"I love you Jamie O'Brien, I just have a lot on my mind," Bryan told him with a smile.

"Good," Jamie said and kissed him softly.

Bryan quickly responded to Jamie's kiss by pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Jamie didn't know what was wrong with Bryan, but it was obvious that he was trying to drown something out of his mind. Jamie didn't mind as long as he still loved him.

"I love you too," Jamie managed to gasp out when Bryan broke the kiss to trail kisses down the curve of Jamie's throat.

He bit back a groan and pulled Bryan back up for another fiery kiss. He suddenly couldn't get enough of Bryan. Just being in his arms was enough to drive Jamie crazy. He backed Bryan up to the bed and pushed him down on it accidentally falling with him.

Bryan chuckled softly as he felt Jamie land on top of him but was silenced once again by Jamie's lips. He placed hot kisses on Bryan's throat and he slipped Bryan's sweater over his head. Bryan had no idea what had awoken this new aggressive side in Jamie but he was starting to like it.

It seemed to Jamie that he was driven by a force of sheer desperation. A force to make sure that Bryan was definitely still in love with him, that he wasn't having second thoughts. He started trying kisses down Bryan's stomach until he reached his pants and started to unbuckle his belt and slide his pants off.

Bryan stopped him and pulled him back up for kiss.

"I love you Jamie," he said softly.

"I love you too," Jamie replied looking down at him.

It was true that Bryan loved him; he could see it in his eyes. He leaned down to capture Bryan's lips in a gentle yet passionate kiss. That's when all of Jamie's worries disappeared and he felt himself lost in Bryan's arm and in his kiss.

The next morning Bryan woke up with Jamie curled safely in his arms. He knew that Jamie would more than likely sleep in and didn't want to disturb him, but he had a few things to cover in England before he and Jamie got married and wanted to get them done that day. He leaned over and kissed Jamie who had a contented smile on his face and walked over to the closet in the room. He pulled out some clothes and got dressed, then wrote a note to Jamie and walked out pulling his coat on.

He walked down the street and stopped in front of a jewelry store and walked in.

"May I help you," the man behind the counter asked as Bryan walked up.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a simple wedding band," Bryan told him.

"Right this way sir," the Jeweler said with a smile and Bryan followed him to a glass case.

He knew Jamie wouldn't want a showy diamond ring. He was a feminine guy, but he wasn't a full blown girl in a guy's body. He still had his pride. Bryan almost gave up hope on the rings till he noticed a white golden band in the back. It was simple and almost plain until you noticed the words "I love you" inscribed in the inside of the band in cursive letters.

It was perfect.

"That one," Bryan pointed.

"Good choice," the man agreed and put it in the box while Bryan paid for it.

Bryan smiled and took the box and slipped it in his coat pocket while he walked out the store. Bryan was on his way back to the hotel when he spotted a young girl down the street. She was wearing a ratty flannel t-shirt and a pair of torn up jeans, she was pale and obviously sick but looked scared most of all. Bryan couldn't understand why she was out in the snow without a coat on.

Bryan walked into the store in front of him and quickly walked back to the girls section. He picked up the biggest winter coat he could find, that wouldn't make her look like an Eskimo and bought it, then walked to the snack bar and bought her a hamburger and walked out of the store. He walked down the sidewalk and knelled down in front of the girl.

"Hey, you hungry," he said softly.

The little girl looked up at him with frightened emerald eyes and nodded.

"Good this is for you, and don't worry, I just now bought it," he told her with a small girl.

"Thank you," she said hoarsely.

Bryan nodded and took a moment to take in her appearance.
She had obviously been outside for quite a long time. She was starting to get weak and was already pale. She had a bag sitting next to her, and had her black hair tucked under the hat to her flannel shirt. She looked as if she had been crying and there were bruises on her face. Bryan pulled the coat out of its bag and wrapped it around her and she gratefully slipped her arms in it.

"Thanks, but shouldn't you give this to your daughter?" she asked.

"I don't have a daughter. I bought it for you because you looked cold when I saw you from down the street," he said with a small smile. "What's your name?"

"Diana, what's yours?" she replied.

"Bryan," he said.

"Hi," she said softly.

"So, are you running from home?" Bryan asked.

"Actually I was going to my uncle's house, and I got lost," she said sheepishly.

"Well I hope I don't freak you out by this, but how about you tell me where your uncle lives and I'll take you there?" he asked.

"Sounds good to me," she said happily and Bryan smiled at her.

Diana gave him an address and Bryan led her down the street. Her uncle's house happened to be a good distance away and Bryan was glad he had given her the coat or else she would have caught pneumonia.

When they got to her uncle's Bryan knocked on the door and a sickly man in his late twenties answered. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes. Bryan couldn't seem to shake the feeling that he'd seen him before.

"Uncle Silas," Diana exclaimed and ran into his arms.

"Diana?" Silas asked shocked. "My god honey, I expected you two days ago. What happened?"

"I got lost, and this nice man bought me a hamburger and a coat and showed me the way here," she said smiling at Bryan. "Thank you, tomorrow's my uncle's birthday and I wanted to be here for it, he's real sick you see."

"It was nothing, I can't stand to see kids so upset," Bryan told her softly. "It's my job back in the states to solve kids' problems."

"Thank you sir, I was really worried about her and was just about to head out looking for her. My sister didn't call until today to tell me she was missing. I just assumed she wasn't going to come," Silas said shaking Bryan's hand.

"It was nothing," Bryan said softly.

"Actually it was, you see as my niece said I'm real sick and I really want to spend as much time with her as I possibly can, so thank you, it really means a lot that someone else cared enough to see to her safety," Silas told him sincerely.

Bryan nodded and looked around.

"I better get going, I have someone waiting for me back at the hotel," he said suddenly remembering.

"Oh, I'm sorry, listen, do you think we could have your number just in case we find a way to repay you," Silas asked.

"Sure," Bryan said and pulled a pen and paper out of his pocket, not noticing as something fell out.

He wrote the number to his and Jamie's hotel room on the piece of paper and wrote his first name beside it.

"Here you go," he said.

"Thanks," Silas replied.

Bryan smiled and said bye to Diana before walking out.

About ten minutes later Diana and Silas were cooking dinner and Diana almost tripped on something in the floor.

"Uncle Silas, that nice man dropped something," Diana pointed out looking at the floor.

Silas leaned down and picked up the ring box from the floor and sighed.

"We'll have to call him in a little bit to let him know, there's no way he's back at his hotel by now," he said putting it on the counter.

"He's a nice guy, I like him," she said.

"I bet," Silas replied.

"Uncle Silas, how come you never date," she asked him.

"Because honey, people as sick as me, and people who are sick with the same thing as me, rarely ever get dates," he said kissing her forehead.

"That's not right, no matter how sick you are, you should have someone who loves you," she snapped.

"I do, I have you don't I," he asked her.

"But I'm only nine, and I'm your niece, it isn't the same," she protested.

"No, but your like a daughter to me, and that's good enough," he told her.

Bryan was halfway back to the hotel and sighed. He'd finally realized how he knew Diana's uncle. Actually he realized it as soon as Diana said his name. He just couldn't believe it. If Silas was Diana's real uncle, that meant that only one person could be Diana's mother, and that was Silas's step sister Kayla, whom Bryan had known since he was five, but it didn't make any since to Bryan that Kayla would let her own daughter go like she did, with those clothes on, and wait almost three days before reporting her missing in the middle of the English winter.

He finally made his way to the hotel room and noticed that Jamie was on the phone when he entered.

"Bryan, no, he's not, oh wait he just walked in," Jamie said, and handed the phone to him. "Some man is on the phone for you."

"Really?" he asked and picked it up, noticing Jamie's jealous gaze.

"Hello?" Bryan asked.

"Hi, Bryan it's Silas, when you left your phone number here your ring fell out of your pocket and I'm pretty sure your fiancée won't be happy if you lose that," Silas told him.

"I did?" Bryan asked and reached in his pocket to notice it empty. "Thank god you called. I'll be there in a minute, thank you so much Silas."

"No problem," Silas answered. "See you in a few."

"Yeah," Bryan said and hung up. "Is Andy awake?"

"Yeah," Jamie said confused. "Why?"

"On the way home from the store I saw a young girl looking worn and sick so I bought her a coat and food and took her to her uncles house, and while there her uncle wanted our hotel number in case he found a way to repay us, and I left something there that fell out of my pocket," he said. "We have to pick it up."

"Oh," Jamie said and smiled. "Alright."

Jamie dressed Andy up in a warm outfit and they headed towards Silas's flat. Bryan knocked on the door when they got there and Diana answered.

"Hi Bryan," she said grinning. "Come on in."

"Thanks," Bryan said.

They walked into the kitchen and Silas looked up from the table and smiled at him.

"Here it is," Silas said handing him the ring box.

"Thank you," Bryan said and took it from him.

"This your fiancée," Silas asked.

"Yeah," Bryan said. "This is Jamie."

"He's a lucky man, you're a good guy Bryan," Silas told him.

"Thanks," Bryan said uncomfortably.

He knew Silas didn't realize it, but he'd said the same thing to Bryan on many occasions when he was younger, just in a completely different circumstance.

"Uncle Silas, do you still want me to call mom," Diana asked. "I mean she doesn't care."

"She does Diana, she just doesn't show it," Silas sighed.

"Yeah she does, she proves how much she cares when she gets drunk and hits me," Diana snapped.

"You're kidding right?" Bryan asked dropping all pretenses in shock. "Kayla hit you?"

"You know my sister?" Silas asked him surprised.

"Of course I know your sister," Bryan said exasperated not believing his looks had changed that much. "It's me, Bryan Matthews."

Silas stared at him in shocked and a small smile broke out on his face and he rose up out of his chair to envelope Bryan in a gentle hug.

"It's been forever," Silas said softly. "My god I've missed you Bryan."

Bryan shifted his gaze to Jamie and gave him a sheepish look and mouthed "Sorry."

Jamie gave him a small smile and shrug placing his hand on Andy's shoulder. He'd seen the ring box and knew once and for all that Bryan loved him more than anything else and wasn't letting his jealously eat away at him.

"Yeah it has been forever, and I've missed you too Silas, I would ask how your doing, but it's obvious," he said sadly backing away looking at Silas's sickly complexion.

"Yeah," Silas said shaking his head. "But, it's not like neither of us knew this was going to happen sooner or later."

"True, if I remember correctly it was your reason for telling me to hit the road," Bryan said with a nod.

"Yeah," Silas said softly. "Congratulations Bryan, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Bryan said.

"What's going on?" Diana asked.

"Bryan and me were friends a long time ago," Silas said smiling at Bryan.

"Which means you and Bryan dated a long time ago right?" Diana asked him. "I thought you said people won't date a man who has AIDS?"

Silas sighed and looked at her while Jamie looked at Bryan in shock who nodded.

"This was almost ten years ago Diana, and Bryan was an exception," Silas said.

"Then why'd you dump him," Diana exclaimed.

"Because, he deserved more and I'm glad he found that," Silas said.

"So you guys dated ten years ago," Jamie asked Silas.

"Yeah I met Bryan through my sister Kayla, he was dating her at the time, it was before he realized he was gay, he was sixteen obviously, and Kayla was just dating him because he was hot and she, Diana plug your ears," he said, and she did. "Kayla decided he was good in bed and was keeping him around just for that, you can unplug them now," Diana took her hands from her ears. "Well I stopped in for a visit from college, our parents had only been married a year or two and I didn't really think of Kayla as a sister seeing as she is only a step sister. Well, Bryan and I became friends and he confided in me that he wasn't as into Kayla as he thought he was and I asked why. That's when he admitted he thought he was gay. So, we started dating a few days after that, but I told him that it would have to be a celibate relationship and he asked why, that's when he found out I had AIDS."

"Wait, how old is Diana?" Jamie asked.

"Nine," Silas said softly.

"And Bryan and Kayla were sleeping together then," Jamie asked looking between Diana and Bryan in shocked.

"Yeah," Silas said with a small smile. "Your right Jamie, Kayla told everyone that it's why she and Bryan broke up. She refuses to tell anyone he's gay."

"Diana's my. . .," Bryan said looking at Diana in shock. "Kayla hid this from me!?"

"Yeah, she didn't want to admit that she was dating a gay man," Silas said sadly.

"Kayla beat my daughter, I'm going to ring her neck," Bryan practically shouted and Jamie looked at him in shock.

"Calm down before you scare Andy," Jamie told him.

"Adopted?" Silas asked them and they nodded.

Silas smiled at Andy and then looked at Jamie.

"He could almost pass for yours," he told him. "He's cute."

"Thanks," Bryan said and looked at Diana who was looking at him nervously. "I never thought feeding a young girl and giving her a coat because she was cold would lead to me finding my own child. I didn't think I'd ever be able to have children."

"Listen Bryan, you've got to take Diana from Kayla, she's not good at being a mother. Hell she's not a good human being, those scars on Diana's hand are from Kayla sticking her hands in a pan of scalding water because she slept in," Silas told him and Bryan noticed for the first time the scars that covered both of Diana's hands and he felt sick to his stomach. "I'd take her but living in such close quarters with me would endanger her, what if I accidentally touched an open sore on her without noticing I had my own blood on me? I could seriously harm her without meaning to, and it would kill me. I've raised Diana from a distance since I found out Kayla had her, please do something about Kayla. I know how much you love children and your dream of having one of your own has finally come true, do something about it."

"Alright," Bryan said standing up.

"Where are you going," Jamie asked.

"To talk to Kayla," Bryan told him determinedly and walked out the flat.

(End Of Chapter)