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Nothing To Lose

"Bryan, stop!" Silas yelled and Bryan turned around with a sigh and walked back into the flat.

"What?" he asked impatiently.

"You can't kill Kayla if you don't know where to find her," he said with an amused smile.

"Right," Bryan said and realization dawned on him.

"Sit down Bryan, you'll get a hold of Kayla soon enough, for now, get to know your daughter," Jamie told him.

Bryan looked at him and his anger started to subside. He gave Jamie a sheepish smile.

"Right," he looked at Diana and grinned. "Sorry if I scared you. I was just in shock."

"So mom never told you about me, she told me you took off when she told you she was pregnant," Diana said softly.

"Oh no, I wouldn't have done that, I never knew your mom was pregnant," Bryan told her.

"Good, then at least one of my parents might care about me," Diana said sadly.

Bryan gave her a sad smile.

"Trust me, he'll care," Silas said.

Silas wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Bryan.

"Go talk to Kayla," he said and Bryan thanked him and walked out.

"Why did you do that," Jamie asked.

"Because Bryan won't be happy without answers," Silas said.

"That's true," Jamie said and then smiled at Diana.

"Looks like you're going to be my step daughter," he told her. "My name's Jamie."

"Hi," she said smiling slightly.

"Don't worry, after Bryan argues with your mom, he'll be back and he'll pay more attention to you. He loves kids. He's always wanted one," Jamie told her.

"Oh," she said and her smile brightened. "So he'll like me?"

"Trust me, he'll love you as if he's known you since the day you were born," Jamie said.

"Thank god," Diana said.

"You want some lunch, I'd offer you part of our dinner but its beef stew and it's gotta cook all day," Silas asked Jamie rising.

"Sure," Jamie said with a shrug. "I'm sure Andy's starving."

Andy nodded quickly and Silas laughed.

"I only have soup right now, but I'm sure Andy will love that," Silas told him.

"Of course, he's five," Jamie said smiling.

Silas made lunch for them all and sat down at the table while the others ate.

"You're not hungry?" Diana asked.

He shook his head and gave her a gentle smile.

"No, I'm not feeling all that great," he told her.

There was a loud SLURP and they all turned to Andy who was giving them a small smile and putting his bowl back down.

Jamie started laughing and Silas and Diana soon followed until a bad cough emerged from Silas's lips.

"Uncle!? Uncle Silas?" Diana said hurrying to his chair. "Are you okay?"

Silas stopped coughing and gave her a small smile. Diana bit her lip and climbed into his lap enveloping him in a hug.

"Hey honey, I'm okay," he said hoarsely.

"You better be," she pouted.

Jamie watched the seen with sad eyes. It was obvious Silas loved Diana as if she was his own daughter, and part of him suspected that was because she was Bryan's. He also knew that Silas had been practically raising the little girl, he was obvious in the way they acted, and it had to be breaking his heart to finally give her to her real father.

"Silas, if Bryan gets custody of Diana, I want you to come back to the states with us," he said softly.

"What?" Silas said looking at him in shock.

"Well, they have better medical personnel, you could probably live longer, and well, the real reason is I can see how much you love Diana, and how much Diana loves you. It would tear her apart to leave Britain, and you behind," Jamie told him.

Silas smiled.

"Thank you Jamie," he said.

"I got a question though, and answer honestly," Jamie told him.

"What?"

"Are you still in love with Bryan?" he asked.

Silas smiled at him gently.

"I haven't seen Bryan in almost five years, what I love is what we used to be," Silas said.

Jamie nodded and smiled.

"Who wouldn't, it's Bryan, we've been together for over a year now and I almost don't remember what it was like before him," Jamie said softly. "I was worried though, when we got on the plane, he was quiet and barely said a word, I almost thought he was tired of me."

"No, I can tell by how he looks at you, he loves you, he was probably remembering his father's hatred of him," Silas told him.

"Yeah, I met the man once, and I will never forget it," Jamie said softly. "Bryan hasn't spoken to him since that day."

"Good, he doesn't need to justify himself to the man, if he can't accept him, then he can go to tell, my own father was the same way, but he just ignored the fact that I was gay. He spoke to me and asked how I was doing, but he never asked about my personal life," Silas said.

"My dad was the complete opposite, he took Bryan in like he would any son in law," Jamie told him.

"That's good," Silas said.

Jamie took a good look at Silas and had to admit that Bryan did have good taste. Silas was a very handsome man. He was a bit on the pale side but Jamie figured that was because he was sick. He blue eyes were beautiful and were almost a smoky grey in color. His brown hair was down to his neck and curled at the end, and he had lips that any girl would be envious of. He was a man who looked like he was born to be gay. He was seriously pretty.

Jamie could also see the wasting away of his features from AIDS. He reached across the table and placed a hand on Silas's.

"I know you don't know me that well or at all even, but I know already you're a good person, and I wish there was something I could do for you," Jamie said softly. "I know that Bryan and you mean something to each other still. You were his first love. I want him to know that you're taken care of and as healthy as you can possibly be."

"Thank you Jamie," Silas said smiling,

"What, Diana needs an uncle, and I'm home alone most the time because I work at home and Bryan works in the office. The company is more than welcome," Jamie replied. "Come stay with us in New York."

"Are you sure you're okay with that," Silas said shaking his head.

"Positive," Jamie said decisively.

Silas smiled and nodded at him.

"As long as it's okay with Bryan, I will," Silas told him.

He knew the offer took a lot out of Jamie and he was glad that Jamie had offered. Diana would have been so scared going across seas with a man she didn't know. He knew it was sad that Bryan didn't know his daughter, but it wasn't something he could have helped. He had no idea where Bryan had gone after they'd broken up. Diana was more a daughter to him that to even her own mother and it would destroy him to see her go away for good. As of that moment Diana was falling asleep in his lap and he smiled down at her.

"I think staying out in the cold wore her out," he said softly to Jamie.

"It tends to have that affect," Jamie said with a smile. "She looks just like her dad, eyes and all. I'm surprised Bryan didn't realize it before me."

"He was in shock. Kayla was a snob when he knew her, but she wasn't a child abuser," Silas replied shaking his head sadly.

"She doesn't deserve that," Jamie said nodding to Diana.

"No, she doesn't," Silas said then smiled at Andy.

"What's his story, how'd Bryan get him," he asked.

"Bryan works in a child services center, and Andy was brought in one day. His mother had died of a drug overdose. Bryan let him stay with us one night, and we just fell in love with him right away. He's the sweetest kid," Jamie said smiling at him. "Bryan and Andy became best friends. Bryan's boss told him to adopt him so we did."

"I see, he is adorable," Silas said.

He stood up and laid Diana down on the couch. Jamie noticed that Silas was looking extremely tired for the first time.

"Listen Silas, go on to bed and I'll wait for Bryan to come back alright. You look like you could use a nap," he said.

"Thanks, but I'll just sit down and relax," Silas said smiling and sat down in the reclining chair next to the couch.

A few minutes later he was in a deep sleep.

Meanwhile Bryan was pounding on the door to a broken down flat. A few seconds after he got done knocking a woman with long blond hair and blue eyes opened the door. Looking at her you could see that she was once a beautiful woman, but that beauty had long since faded.

"Can I help you?" she snapped.

"Hello Kayla," Bryan said coldly.

"Bryan?" she sputtered out after staring a few minutes in shock.

"We need to talk," he said and walked in without waiting for a reply.

"What about?" she asked shutting the door.

"Diana," he said without preamble.

"What about her? Wait, how'd you find out about her?" Kayla asked shocked.

"Saw her running away in some torn up clothes, took her to her uncles and boy was I shocked at what I found out. How the hell could you keep something like that from me!?" he asked her.

"I'd rather my daughter have no father than a gay pervert for a father," Kayla snapped.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, seeing as Silas has become more of a father to her than you were a mother," Bryan snapped coldly.

"How the hell would you know? I did the best I could for her. You weren't around, thankfully," she told him.

"The best you could for her!?" he asked incredulously. "The best you could for her? Sticking her hands in a pot of boiling water till they were permanently scarred was the best you could do!?"

Bryan knew he was shouting now but he didn't care.

"Get out of my house," Kayla snapped.

"Fine, but just know that I am contacting the courts and getting custody of Diana," Bryan told her.

"Who would give a gay man a child he hasn't seen for the first nine years of her life," Kayla scoffed.

"Someone who could tell you're not a mother, being a mother is more than giving birth to someone," he said when she opened her mouth to protest, and then walked out.

He walked down the street fuming. He knew that there was no way in hell the government would let Kayla keep his daughter, but he still couldn't believe the nine years of hell she had to go through.

He sighed and shook his head. He slowly made his way back to Silas's flat, and walked in to see Jamie sitting at the table playing cards with Andy.

"Where's everyone else?" he asked.

"Sleeping in the living room," Jamie said with a smile.

"Oh," he said sitting down beside him.

"I got a question," Jamie said.

"Hmm?"

"How'd Silas get AIDS? I'm sure he told you," Jamie asked.

"He was living with this guy named David. He was like, eighteen years old. It was his first serious boyfriend. He was madly in love with him, only David was cheating on him," Bryan said softly. "He gave him AIDS."

"Oh wow," Jamie said softly. "I'm glad I ended up with someone like you."

"So am I," Bryan said softly and kissed him.

Jamie kissed him back and Andy shook his head.

"You guys creep me out sometimes," he said. "I don't like seeing anyone kiss. Yuk. I'm never kissing anyone."

"You'll change your mind one day," Bryan said with a laugh.

"No I won't," Andy said resolutely.

"Alright," Jamie said with a smile.

They heard footsteps and saw Silas walking into the room yawning.

"Have a good nap," Jamie asked.

"Yes, you should have woke me up, I didn't want to fall asleep," Silas told him.

"You needed it," Jamie replied with a smile. "Oh, I told him to come to America with us, when you get custody of Diana."

"You did?" Bryan asked in shock.

"What, you didn't expect me to be jealous of an ex-boyfriend did you? You're connected to Silas in more ways than that. Even if he isn't Diana's blood uncle, he still loves her as a father, and it would kill them both to break that bond," Jamie told him.

"Very true," Bryan agreed.

Silas sat down beside Andy who smiled at him and went back to the game.

"You'll like it in New York, it's a lot like London," Bryan told him. "We live near the country though, less people bother you that way."

"Let me guess, they're not that accepting of a crowd?" Silas asked.

"Actually most are, New York as a lot of different people in it, you just have to be a good judge of character, and my boss was really cool about my being gay. He let me adopt Andy," Bryan said with a smile.

"I thought he told you to adopt Andy because you and Andy had really bonded," Silas said smiling at Jamie who nodded.

"Oh yeah, he did," Bryan said smiling again. "How's Diana?"

"She fell asleep, she was worn out from running around for two nights," Silas told him.

"Oh," Bryan said with a nod.

"So what'd Kayla say?" Silas asked.

"She threatened me saying that no court would give a gay guy who hasn't been in his daughter's life for nine years custody," Bryan said with a shake of his head. "Doesn't count when said gay guy didn't know he had a daughter."

"She's a bit dumb," Silas said.

"That she is," Jamie agreed. "I can tell you this, and I don't even know her."

Bryan smiled and got up. He walked into the living room to glance down at Diana's sleeping form. He had to admit that she was a very pretty little girl. He was sure that being asleep was the only time she was really at peace, when her mother was hovering over her like a dark cloud. He had no idea how he was going to do it, but he certainly was going to try his hardest to make sure he got custody of her. He'd only known her a few hours but he already felt as if he could care for her like he a father should love a daughter. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead smoothing her dark hair back.

He sat down in the chair and started thinking of ways he could get his daughter.

(End chapter)