Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Bucket List

Gym Class

by Dondon1827 8 Reviews

Kari misses out on some news

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres: Drama - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008/09/09 - Updated: 2008/09/09 - 1014 words

Reviews

  • The Bucket List

    (#) dtng101 2008-09-09 05:20:09 PM

    UHH !I'am starting to hate Rachel.
    Wow that's freaky the only thing me and this character have in common is that I have an older brother and I never have met my dad.Wow freaky.
    xD.
    I'am guessing she's going to win the tickets.
    If she dies,which I don't know I think I'll cry.
    More soon?
    xp

    Author's response

    Ohhh strange

    And you guessed right, I couldnt let her not win them. That would defeat the storyline

    Thanks for the review :)

    Dondon x
  • The Bucket List

    (#) Hoodiegirl86 2008-09-09 05:23:53 PM

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    XOOOO
    HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO KARI! :*(

    Author's response

    Cause she is my character :P

    Dont worry!

    What are moms for? thats all I will say ;D
  • The Bucket List

    (#) lostmymindxx45 2008-09-09 05:28:09 PM

    Okay this girl should die! (not kair, the other bitch girl) seriously some magaical fairy should come and make it so kari lives and the bitch dies! lol

    Oh thats sad. her one chance! Great chapter.

    Update sooooon!

    xo
    C-line

    Author's response

    Hmmmm, we will have to wait and see.

    Thanks lots for your reviews :)

    Dondon x
  • The Bucket List

    (#) Hoodiegirl86 2008-09-09 05:48:45 PM

    CINDERELLA LA LA
    she should arrive at the concert with a horse drawn carraige!!!! w00t w00t lolz.

    Author's response

    Haha, that would be something...
  • The Bucket List

    (#) Julianne 2008-09-10 04:03:15 PM

    Unrealistic. It it sounds terribly choppy, and there's not near enough detail to make it good writing.

    Let me give you an example of what I mean- istead of "
    Kari, Dana and Ella looked up as the radio was cut off. They were greeted by Rachael standing in front of them, arms folded and foot tapping.

    My one chance of going to and MCR show, ruined by that bitch she thought as she looked up at Rachael,

    you could say, "The three friends glanced up, startled, as the radio cut off. Standing beside the device was Rachael, with her arms crossed and a smug sneer on her lips.

    /My one chance of going to an MCR show, ruined by that bitch/, thought Kari as she glared hatefully across at the other girl to hide her despair."

    By the way, you failed to specify whose thought it was at the end, though it is assumed that it's Kari's. Just thought I ought to point that out.

    Author's response

    If I had wanted to write that then I would of.

    I appreciate you giving me 'constructive' criticism at first but now your just irritating me. I am not going to change my story, because obviously other people like it.

    And the line My one chance of going to an MCR show, ruined by that bitch was obviously Kari as she was the one wanting to go to an MCR show, and her chance was ruined because Rachael switched off the radio.

    So thanks, but I dont appreciate you trying to re-arrange my story

    No offence intended.
  • The Bucket List

    (#) Moonshyne 2008-09-14 04:52:01 AM

    Hi Dondon,

    I got a better picture in my head with what you wrote. I can picture Racheal with a scowl as she looked at them and Julianne's version was over detailed and somehow lost the emotion of the moment. I didn't feel they were startled I felt they knew exactly what happened and by who.

    I loved it.

    Author's response

    You don't realise how much that has just made my fucking day, lol!

    I thought if I went into too much detail it would seem like I was trying too hard.

    Thank you so so much :D

    Dondon x
  • The Bucket List

    (#) Julianne 2008-09-14 09:48:06 AM

    Right. Sorry.

    I didn't mean to offend you; my head just got away from me, as it is wont to do. So I apologize.

    Forgive me?

    It was not my intention to suggest that you change your story, as you seem to have believed, so I suppose I am at fault there for not specifying that. I merely wished to give you an example of what I was trying to communicate. But nevermind.

    And reading over Moonshyne's comment, I'm inclined to agree that the example I gave lost the emotion of the moment.

    So in summary, I beg your pardon for irritating you. (I would also suggest that you find a beta, but I'm certain that the suggestion would be met with cold refusal.)

    So sorry.

    Author's response

    Hey its totally fine, Thanks for the apology.

    Beta?
  • The Bucket List

    (#) Julianne 2008-09-17 04:10:35 PM

    A beta's like an editor. He/She looks over material and corrects things like spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc.

    Like a live proofreader.

    Except better. Automatic spell/grammar checks just change what doesn't seem right to the computer. A beta person can interpret the different ways an awry phrase might be construed and offer advice on how to clearer state the idea.

    Also, unlike a computer program, and more like an editor, a beta can point out consistency flaws in a story. Like maybe in a certain chapter a writer somehow causes Harry to get perfect vision as the result of a defective curse and he discovers it when he notices his glasses are missing and he can still see. Later, the said author absentmindedly puts in something about Harry wearing his glasses. The beta would notice that detail and point it out or ask about it.

    For example, I myself beta over at Fanfiction.net- I practically live on the Twilight section. Once in a while I'll have to point out to somebody that Emmett was attacked by a black bear, and not a grizzly, as there are no grizzlies in the Appalacians. Just little intricacies like that.

    Author's response

    Ahhh right, well thanks but no thanks. I will rely on my lovely reviewers to point out when there not happy, cause after all the story is for there enjoyment.

    :)

    Dondon x

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