Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Bushels of Bad Habits
Panic at The Disco
4 reviewsI merely blinked a dozen times whilst he paused and looked at me intently. ‘No-ones ever noticed that quickly’ I said, astonished.
1Ambiance
I have a few things to say before I start this chapter:
1. I know you guys wanted Jon in here, but I'm afraid it looks like J-Walk won't make an appearance in this story, unfortunately, and it's all due to the damn time period. I know sometimes in stories people completely disregard this and make it so Jon was the original bassist in the band but I can't do that. Not because I particularly like Brent, but I don't like the idea of changing such a thing because I try to keep my stories moderately true in facts and dates, etc. I wouldn't even change the guys birthday's. Maybe because I want it to be that little bit more realistic and also because I'm pretty OCD-ic with these kinds of things at times.
This means, instead , we'll have Brent. And I don't really know Brent.I've kind of portrayed him as being the quiet and gruff type, because that's just how he comes across to me and that's what people usually write him as, so hey, I won't bother breaking the mold this time round.
2. As he once stated in an interview, Brendon smoked weed in high school. Now I know I've just given you a long speech about my icky picky strictness with keeping it as close to the TRU FAX as possible, but I found this out after I began writing this story so I don't know yet whether I'll add it in, because to be fair, I don't know when exactly in high school that he did.
Oh and he apparently did do Golem impressions when he first joined Panic.
3. For some reason I always picture Steph's mum to look like Ali Larter.(?)
4. I'll try and mention your mango somewhere, Prettyodd. If anyone else has a particular fruit or vegetable or object of any sort close to your heart that you would like mentioned then just say. But no 'Nuclear bombs' please, because that's just silly.
_____________
‘Where have you been?’ My mum asked looking puzzled as I let myself in by the backdoor.
‘I slept round Kate’s’ I shrugged.
‘And you couldn’t have phoned to tell me?’
‘Oh, stop acting like you care’ I said, annoyed ‘You never even noticed I was gone.’
I briskly strode past her and began walking the stairs to my bedroom as the phone began to ring, cutting my mother of a reply. ‘Nikki Moore’ she said, answering. ‘Uh, Steph? Yeah, she’s here.’
I stopped mid step and turned around, descending back down and taking the phone from her as she just shrugged and mumbled ‘some guy.’
‘Hello?’ I spoke into the receiver.
‘Hey, it’s Spencer.’
‘Oh! Hey!’
‘So how are you? I just phoned Kate- I heard what happened.’
Oh God, how embarrassing.’ I cringed.
‘I bet Ryan bust a gut.’
‘More or less.’ I said, smiling to myself ‘But I think I’m forgiven.’
‘Really?’ He said sounding surprised. ‘You must have grovelled at his feet.’
'Well, it wasn’t quite like that.’ I said. ‘But anyway, I’m all good.’
‘Cool. Oh yeah, Kate asked me to ask you if you wanted to sleep round hers tonight. I’m gonna be there too.’
‘Well I suppose last night wasn’t much of a sleepover.’ I mused ‘Sure.’
‘You should come along to our band practice as well’
‘Really? Well I am intrigued to find out what ‘Panic at the Disco’ sound like.’ I said, smiling into the receiver.
‘Awesome. I’ll tell Ry to pick you up on the way. We’ll probably be there around 4’
‘OK, see you.’ I said, putting the phone down.
The doorbell rang at five minutes to 4 and I answered it to Kate.‘One moment.’ I said before peering into the living room where my mom was sprawled on the couch watching some random TV show. ‘I’m sleeping round a friend’s, bye.’ I said curtly, leaving before she could respond.
‘So where exactly do you practice then?’ I asked, once in the car.
‘My grandma’s house.’ Spencer answered. ‘She’s partially deaf so she doesn't really mind the noise.'
‘You’ll get to meet Brendon and Brent.’ Said Kate.
‘Are they nice?’
‘Yeah. Brent’s quite quiet whilst Brendon can be a lot to take in at first.’
Ryan snorted in what I presumed was agreement.
_ _ _
‘Wow, that was...phenomenal.’ I said, blinking at the boy who had seconds earlier been demonstrating some pretty admirable Golem impressions to me.
‘He did the same thing when we first met him.’ Ryan commented, watching him with his arms folded and shaking his head. ‘I didn’t know it’s a standard procedure of his every time he meets somebody.’
‘Dude, I didn’t know anyone was coming! It’s not as if I had time to create some new material.’ Brendon said as I laughed.
Brendon Urie was your average attention-deficit. He was quirky, excitable and very talkative, but also very lovable. His hair was dark and mop-style, his eyebrows were slightly bushy and his eyes were dark and framed with thick black glasses. His nose was quite wide, to match his prominent mouth, but he could actually be considered quite cute.
Brent Wilson on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure about. All I knew about him was that he had been friends with Ryan and Spencer for a long time and he played Bass in the band. He was a pretty large character, with sullen eyes, long hanging hair and a droopy stance. I hadn’t spoken to him yet, but he was currently in conversation with Spencer, and I had been too busy watching the human prodigy that was Brendon.
‘OK, can we get started already people?’ Ryan ordered loudly, as everyone dropped their conversations and set themselves behind their instruments whilst Kate and I awkwardly squeezed ourselves into a single old and beaten cushioned armchair to watch them.
My expectations weren’t exactly high. In fact I didn’t really harbor any expectations at all. I hadn’t given much thought to what they would actually sound-like. I presumed your standard garage boy band, really. I was surprised. Although the music was loud, and the drums drowned out most of Brendon’s voice, they weren’t half bad. Panic at the Disco were actually moderately good. The sound I could decipher wasn’t like your usual teenage wannabe rock stars going through a phase, it was unique and catchy, and you could tell they had put a lot of effort into constructing the songs. They only played two- constantly stopping and restarting mostly under Ryan’s orders (‘Brendon! Sing louder!’, ‘Spencer, play quieter!’, ‘Brent you’re coming in to soon!’).
‘What do you think so far?’ Kate asked whilst they stopped so Ryan and Brent could have a brief bicker on the bass playing.
‘I’m impressed.’ I said ‘They’re actually pretty good aren’t they?’
‘Yeah’ Kate said, glancing over at Ryan ‘God he’s such a control freak.’
‘Brent’s playing did seem a bit out of sync.’ I shrugged.
When they finally started up again, all following Ryan’s advice, it became easier to decipher the lyrics. I caught snatches of lines such as, ‘Watch your mouth, oh-oh-oh, because your speech is slurred and I bet you just might swallow your tongue.’
‘Does your brother write the lyrics?’ I half yelled to Kate, who nodded in reply.
They were finally done (it did get slightly boring after continuously hearing the same 5 seconds played over and over and over again until it hit ‘perfection’) and began to pack up their instruments. A little old woman briefly came in; who I guessed was Spencer’s grandma, to offer around slices of mango, and comment on what ‘lovely’ hair and eyes I have, which I replied to with a smile.
After finishing my mango slice and praising them all on their performances this evening, I said my goodbyes to Brendon and Brent. Brent gave a nod and a grunt of farewell, whilst Brendon had a more enthusiastic reply and shook my hand vigorously whilst telling me how nice it was to meet me and how we should definitely do this again sometime.
‘I see what you mean about Brendon.’ I said, once we got back in the car.
‘He’s not always so bad.’ Said Spencer ‘Sometimes he can be moody and quiet, but he get’s excited when girls are around.’
‘He’s awesome.’ I said, and I swear I saw Ryan’s eyes roll exaggeratedly in the reflection of the car mirror.
_ _ _
Kate and I somehow ended up deciding to make brownies. Naturally, the guys wanted in without getting off their asses to do any of the work (their pathetic excuse being that baking was too girly). We made a deal; we shared the brownies if they agreed to clean up the mess after. They agreed, but we were still doubtful.
Ryan and Spencer were in lighter moods since the grueling band practice earlier. Most notably Ryan, which was a relief. He seemed to loosen up when music wasn’t involved. I hadn’t yet come to realize he was so passionate about it.
They were both situated in the kitchen now, taking cans of soda from the fridge and lazing about at the table having burping competitions with each other, which they both seemed to find very amusing, between discussing what level they’d both gotten to on some random play station game.
I wondered where their dad was. He didn’t seem to be home so maybe he worked late, which was a little strange for Saturday, or he was out in some pub, which was probably the more reasonable guess.
‘The recipes here’ said Kate, laying a book in front of me and pointing to a page. ‘How about you read out the ingredients and I’ll try and find them...’
My heart sank. ‘Can’t you read and I fetch?’
Kate laughed confusedly ‘But you don’t know where they are.’
‘Oh, right.’ I said. It wasn’t so bad. Kate sometimes took a while to find certain ingredients, and that bought me time. Other times not so much, but it was easy enough to guess the simple ones, like sugar and chocolate. The amounts confused me; it took me a while to understand what ‘6oz’ meant. In the end I would just answer ‘6’ and Kate would reply ‘Ounces, yeah?’ and I would just go along with it. No-one noticed anything. At first I confused 6’s with 9’s, but Kate would question it and I’d pass it off as being an innocent reading error or an error of words. Ryan was watching me, but I doubted he would figure anything out. Though when I immediately and enthusiastically protested against reading out the directions I saw an almost flash in his eyes, but he looked away and I shook it off as me being paranoid.
_ _ _
The brownies were nice, but I only had one myself. The guys scoffed them down, and it was incredible to me how Ryan could eat so much and still be skinny. I voiced this to him, and he shrugged and said with his mouth half full ‘You’re skinny.’
‘Yeah, but even I can’t scoff down four brownies in 3 minutes.’
In the end there were only two left, which Kate wrapped up. The guys claimed they were too stuffed to clear up at the moment and scarpered upstairs to play video games. Kate was prepared to go and clear it up herself but I told her not to as it was their problem now. Instead we went up to her room and gossiped and bitched about people (like Mrs Fitzergeld and that bushy haired freak who told on me in the dinner hall, who’s name I’ve learned is Karen), whilst putting on a random movie.
We got into bed at about 1 in the morning when we eventually began to get tired. We still talked for a while. At one point, we heard the front door slam and someone stumbling in loudly. ‘Who’s that?’ I asked, though I knew who it was.
‘My dad’ Kate whispered. ‘He likes to go out for drinks and usually comes back pretty late.’
‘Oh’ I said softly.
‘Yeah...he’s got a bit of a problem actually.’ She uncomfortably ‘Him and Ryan argue about it all the time. Though they think I don’t know. It’s not too bad really, he’ll go out on weekends and sit down with a few beers in the evening, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. He got admitted into hospital once when it was really bad. I was twelve. I was really scared. He promised me he’d cut down after that.’
I frowned. ‘My mom drinks too.’ I said ‘before-before-well to relax her before work. She doesn’t get too bad, but she becomes moody in the mornings.’
‘My dad’s always moody. He gets quite scary when he’s drunk. He’s alright, most of the time. I guess it’s pretty good that he works late and I hardly see him in the evenings.’
I gave her a comforting smile. ‘What about your mom?’ I asked.
‘She left when I was 2. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since- she just walked out one-day. We’ve lost contact with her. That’s when my dad started to develop a problem. What about your dad?’
‘I don’t know.’ I shrugged. ‘I’ve never really had one. He was just this guy who got my mom pregnant when she was sixteen and didn’t want to know.’
‘What’s your mom like?’
‘Irresponsible.’
Eventually our conversations thinned as we both became more tiresome and dozy. Kate dropped off practically mid sentence. I tried to sleep for a while, but then needed the toilet. I crept out of bed walked across the landing and managed to find my way to the bathroom. Whilst I was washing my hands, I eerily heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I presumed it was their dad going to bed and decided to remain in the bathroom until he had gone to avoid him. I listened intently. A door opened and closed, but the landing still creaked. A voice mumbled. It was Ryan. His dad slurred something back that I couldn’t determine. I pressed my ear nosily up against the door. I could hear the sound of a door being noisily kicked open and the clanking of bottles. Ryan said something about keeping it down. His dad loudly proclaimed ‘go clear up the kitchen, it’s a bloody mess.’
‘I’ll do it in the morning’ Ryan said, agitated and tired. ‘Just go to sleep, you don’t need all this. And don’t slam the door; you’ll wake Kate and Steph up.’
What followed was the loud sound of a door slamming 3 times. ‘Oh am I in trouble now?’ His dad said, obnoxiously.
‘You’re so childish.’ Ryan snapped.
‘Oh I’m childish am I? I’m not the one who thinks I can be a rock star.’ He dad said, laughing rudely.
‘Just go to sleep already.’ Said Ryan annoyed, who stormed off downstairs as his dad bellowed ‘clear up the kitchen!’ behind him. I waited for the door to slam a fourth time, before figuring it safe to leave. I was scared by what had just happened, but I didn’t feel like I could just go back to sleep, so I quietly made my way downstairs instead.
Ryan was in the living room, angrily stuffing discarded alcohol cans and bottles into a carrier bag like I’d seen him with the night before. He was still fully dressed this time, and I was the one in my pyjama shorts and tank top. I stood in the doorway awkwardly with my arms folded.
‘Oh- Sorry did we wake you up?’ Ryan said, spotting me.
‘Uh, yeah’ I lied ‘but don’t worry about it. I just wanted to see if every things alright?’
‘Yeah, fine.’ He said,avoiding my eyes and beginning to tie up the bag handles.
‘You missed one over there.’ I said, pointing to a stray can.
‘Oh’ He said ‘Thanks.’
‘Did you want me to clear up the kitchen?’
‘No’ He said kindly ‘its fine, my dad probably won’t get up till midday tomorrow, I’ll do it then.’
‘Oh OK.’ I said, tugging on a strand of hair. ‘Night then.’
I turned to head back upstairs. ‘Is it dyslexia?’ Ryan said suddenly, causing me to freeze on the spot, my shoulder’s tensing. I slowly turned back round.
‘What?’ I gulped.
‘Why you find school hard. What you were talking about last night. You have trouble reading don’t you?’
I merely blinked a dozen times whilst he paused and looked at me intently. ‘No-ones ever noticed that quickly’ I said, astonished.
‘I guess I’m just perceptive.’ He said, looking me straight in the eye. I looked away.
‘You won’t say anything will you?’
‘You mean the school doesn’t know?’
‘Right and I’d prefer to keep it that way.’
‘Why?’ He asked looking confused ‘I don’t understand. Surely it would be a whole lot better if they knew. I mean, you can have special classes to-‘
‘I don’t want special classes.’ I said sharply ‘They take me out of lessons and speak to me like I’m five. It’s humiliating and degrading, and they don’t even do anything for me. Everyone treats me like I’m stupid, even my teachers and classmates.’
‘You’re just making it worse for yourself. You’re getting in trouble for something that isn’t your fault.’
‘I prefer it.’ I shrugged.
‘Does anyone know?’
‘My elementary and some middle school teachers, and that’s about it.’
‘Does your mom know?’
‘Yeah. Well she did at some point. But she’s more or less forgotten about it, not that she’s particularly bothered. She doesn’t understand how bad it is. She just thinks I’m bad at spelling or something. ‘
‘So this is why you act up all the time and get detentions?’
‘I guess so. I mean, I can’t even do homework, because I can’t do it. I’m afraid of handing something in that makes no sense and will eventually give me away.’
‘They’ve got to find out sometime though, surely?’ He said.
I shrugged. ‘Maybe.’
‘Well I still think you should tell someone.’ He said ‘It can’t all be that bad. You’ll struggle. Especially in a school like Bishop Gorman. They wouldn’t be afraid to kick you out because of a bad homework record, I’m sure.’
I sighed. ‘Look, I don’t know. It’s just so embarrassing. I mean who can’t read? It’s ridiculous.’
Ryan looked at me and bit his lip. ‘Dyslexia’s common, Steph.’ He said gently.
‘Just promise me you won’t tell anyone? OK? Not a soul.’ I pleaded.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ‘Fine.’ He said. ‘But I still think it would be easier for you if you just told them. Think about it, at least?’
‘Yeah, sure, of course.’
I was lying through my teeth, and Ryan knew it.
_____________
My current reviewers are awesome, but i would really like some more people to give me feedback on this, considering the amount of people that are actually reading it.
Plus, I'm really ill at the moment and feel like dying, so reviews are a sure fire way to cheer me up:)
If you have commented in the past, you truly are a star. (like ash360 who's review I just read, thank you)
1. I know you guys wanted Jon in here, but I'm afraid it looks like J-Walk won't make an appearance in this story, unfortunately, and it's all due to the damn time period. I know sometimes in stories people completely disregard this and make it so Jon was the original bassist in the band but I can't do that. Not because I particularly like Brent, but I don't like the idea of changing such a thing because I try to keep my stories moderately true in facts and dates, etc. I wouldn't even change the guys birthday's. Maybe because I want it to be that little bit more realistic and also because I'm pretty OCD-ic with these kinds of things at times.
This means, instead , we'll have Brent. And I don't really know Brent.I've kind of portrayed him as being the quiet and gruff type, because that's just how he comes across to me and that's what people usually write him as, so hey, I won't bother breaking the mold this time round.
2. As he once stated in an interview, Brendon smoked weed in high school. Now I know I've just given you a long speech about my icky picky strictness with keeping it as close to the TRU FAX as possible, but I found this out after I began writing this story so I don't know yet whether I'll add it in, because to be fair, I don't know when exactly in high school that he did.
Oh and he apparently did do Golem impressions when he first joined Panic.
3. For some reason I always picture Steph's mum to look like Ali Larter.(?)
4. I'll try and mention your mango somewhere, Prettyodd. If anyone else has a particular fruit or vegetable or object of any sort close to your heart that you would like mentioned then just say. But no 'Nuclear bombs' please, because that's just silly.
_____________
‘Where have you been?’ My mum asked looking puzzled as I let myself in by the backdoor.
‘I slept round Kate’s’ I shrugged.
‘And you couldn’t have phoned to tell me?’
‘Oh, stop acting like you care’ I said, annoyed ‘You never even noticed I was gone.’
I briskly strode past her and began walking the stairs to my bedroom as the phone began to ring, cutting my mother of a reply. ‘Nikki Moore’ she said, answering. ‘Uh, Steph? Yeah, she’s here.’
I stopped mid step and turned around, descending back down and taking the phone from her as she just shrugged and mumbled ‘some guy.’
‘Hello?’ I spoke into the receiver.
‘Hey, it’s Spencer.’
‘Oh! Hey!’
‘So how are you? I just phoned Kate- I heard what happened.’
Oh God, how embarrassing.’ I cringed.
‘I bet Ryan bust a gut.’
‘More or less.’ I said, smiling to myself ‘But I think I’m forgiven.’
‘Really?’ He said sounding surprised. ‘You must have grovelled at his feet.’
'Well, it wasn’t quite like that.’ I said. ‘But anyway, I’m all good.’
‘Cool. Oh yeah, Kate asked me to ask you if you wanted to sleep round hers tonight. I’m gonna be there too.’
‘Well I suppose last night wasn’t much of a sleepover.’ I mused ‘Sure.’
‘You should come along to our band practice as well’
‘Really? Well I am intrigued to find out what ‘Panic at the Disco’ sound like.’ I said, smiling into the receiver.
‘Awesome. I’ll tell Ry to pick you up on the way. We’ll probably be there around 4’
‘OK, see you.’ I said, putting the phone down.
The doorbell rang at five minutes to 4 and I answered it to Kate.‘One moment.’ I said before peering into the living room where my mom was sprawled on the couch watching some random TV show. ‘I’m sleeping round a friend’s, bye.’ I said curtly, leaving before she could respond.
‘So where exactly do you practice then?’ I asked, once in the car.
‘My grandma’s house.’ Spencer answered. ‘She’s partially deaf so she doesn't really mind the noise.'
‘You’ll get to meet Brendon and Brent.’ Said Kate.
‘Are they nice?’
‘Yeah. Brent’s quite quiet whilst Brendon can be a lot to take in at first.’
Ryan snorted in what I presumed was agreement.
_ _ _
‘Wow, that was...phenomenal.’ I said, blinking at the boy who had seconds earlier been demonstrating some pretty admirable Golem impressions to me.
‘He did the same thing when we first met him.’ Ryan commented, watching him with his arms folded and shaking his head. ‘I didn’t know it’s a standard procedure of his every time he meets somebody.’
‘Dude, I didn’t know anyone was coming! It’s not as if I had time to create some new material.’ Brendon said as I laughed.
Brendon Urie was your average attention-deficit. He was quirky, excitable and very talkative, but also very lovable. His hair was dark and mop-style, his eyebrows were slightly bushy and his eyes were dark and framed with thick black glasses. His nose was quite wide, to match his prominent mouth, but he could actually be considered quite cute.
Brent Wilson on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure about. All I knew about him was that he had been friends with Ryan and Spencer for a long time and he played Bass in the band. He was a pretty large character, with sullen eyes, long hanging hair and a droopy stance. I hadn’t spoken to him yet, but he was currently in conversation with Spencer, and I had been too busy watching the human prodigy that was Brendon.
‘OK, can we get started already people?’ Ryan ordered loudly, as everyone dropped their conversations and set themselves behind their instruments whilst Kate and I awkwardly squeezed ourselves into a single old and beaten cushioned armchair to watch them.
My expectations weren’t exactly high. In fact I didn’t really harbor any expectations at all. I hadn’t given much thought to what they would actually sound-like. I presumed your standard garage boy band, really. I was surprised. Although the music was loud, and the drums drowned out most of Brendon’s voice, they weren’t half bad. Panic at the Disco were actually moderately good. The sound I could decipher wasn’t like your usual teenage wannabe rock stars going through a phase, it was unique and catchy, and you could tell they had put a lot of effort into constructing the songs. They only played two- constantly stopping and restarting mostly under Ryan’s orders (‘Brendon! Sing louder!’, ‘Spencer, play quieter!’, ‘Brent you’re coming in to soon!’).
‘What do you think so far?’ Kate asked whilst they stopped so Ryan and Brent could have a brief bicker on the bass playing.
‘I’m impressed.’ I said ‘They’re actually pretty good aren’t they?’
‘Yeah’ Kate said, glancing over at Ryan ‘God he’s such a control freak.’
‘Brent’s playing did seem a bit out of sync.’ I shrugged.
When they finally started up again, all following Ryan’s advice, it became easier to decipher the lyrics. I caught snatches of lines such as, ‘Watch your mouth, oh-oh-oh, because your speech is slurred and I bet you just might swallow your tongue.’
‘Does your brother write the lyrics?’ I half yelled to Kate, who nodded in reply.
They were finally done (it did get slightly boring after continuously hearing the same 5 seconds played over and over and over again until it hit ‘perfection’) and began to pack up their instruments. A little old woman briefly came in; who I guessed was Spencer’s grandma, to offer around slices of mango, and comment on what ‘lovely’ hair and eyes I have, which I replied to with a smile.
After finishing my mango slice and praising them all on their performances this evening, I said my goodbyes to Brendon and Brent. Brent gave a nod and a grunt of farewell, whilst Brendon had a more enthusiastic reply and shook my hand vigorously whilst telling me how nice it was to meet me and how we should definitely do this again sometime.
‘I see what you mean about Brendon.’ I said, once we got back in the car.
‘He’s not always so bad.’ Said Spencer ‘Sometimes he can be moody and quiet, but he get’s excited when girls are around.’
‘He’s awesome.’ I said, and I swear I saw Ryan’s eyes roll exaggeratedly in the reflection of the car mirror.
_ _ _
Kate and I somehow ended up deciding to make brownies. Naturally, the guys wanted in without getting off their asses to do any of the work (their pathetic excuse being that baking was too girly). We made a deal; we shared the brownies if they agreed to clean up the mess after. They agreed, but we were still doubtful.
Ryan and Spencer were in lighter moods since the grueling band practice earlier. Most notably Ryan, which was a relief. He seemed to loosen up when music wasn’t involved. I hadn’t yet come to realize he was so passionate about it.
They were both situated in the kitchen now, taking cans of soda from the fridge and lazing about at the table having burping competitions with each other, which they both seemed to find very amusing, between discussing what level they’d both gotten to on some random play station game.
I wondered where their dad was. He didn’t seem to be home so maybe he worked late, which was a little strange for Saturday, or he was out in some pub, which was probably the more reasonable guess.
‘The recipes here’ said Kate, laying a book in front of me and pointing to a page. ‘How about you read out the ingredients and I’ll try and find them...’
My heart sank. ‘Can’t you read and I fetch?’
Kate laughed confusedly ‘But you don’t know where they are.’
‘Oh, right.’ I said. It wasn’t so bad. Kate sometimes took a while to find certain ingredients, and that bought me time. Other times not so much, but it was easy enough to guess the simple ones, like sugar and chocolate. The amounts confused me; it took me a while to understand what ‘6oz’ meant. In the end I would just answer ‘6’ and Kate would reply ‘Ounces, yeah?’ and I would just go along with it. No-one noticed anything. At first I confused 6’s with 9’s, but Kate would question it and I’d pass it off as being an innocent reading error or an error of words. Ryan was watching me, but I doubted he would figure anything out. Though when I immediately and enthusiastically protested against reading out the directions I saw an almost flash in his eyes, but he looked away and I shook it off as me being paranoid.
_ _ _
The brownies were nice, but I only had one myself. The guys scoffed them down, and it was incredible to me how Ryan could eat so much and still be skinny. I voiced this to him, and he shrugged and said with his mouth half full ‘You’re skinny.’
‘Yeah, but even I can’t scoff down four brownies in 3 minutes.’
In the end there were only two left, which Kate wrapped up. The guys claimed they were too stuffed to clear up at the moment and scarpered upstairs to play video games. Kate was prepared to go and clear it up herself but I told her not to as it was their problem now. Instead we went up to her room and gossiped and bitched about people (like Mrs Fitzergeld and that bushy haired freak who told on me in the dinner hall, who’s name I’ve learned is Karen), whilst putting on a random movie.
We got into bed at about 1 in the morning when we eventually began to get tired. We still talked for a while. At one point, we heard the front door slam and someone stumbling in loudly. ‘Who’s that?’ I asked, though I knew who it was.
‘My dad’ Kate whispered. ‘He likes to go out for drinks and usually comes back pretty late.’
‘Oh’ I said softly.
‘Yeah...he’s got a bit of a problem actually.’ She uncomfortably ‘Him and Ryan argue about it all the time. Though they think I don’t know. It’s not too bad really, he’ll go out on weekends and sit down with a few beers in the evening, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. He got admitted into hospital once when it was really bad. I was twelve. I was really scared. He promised me he’d cut down after that.’
I frowned. ‘My mom drinks too.’ I said ‘before-before-well to relax her before work. She doesn’t get too bad, but she becomes moody in the mornings.’
‘My dad’s always moody. He gets quite scary when he’s drunk. He’s alright, most of the time. I guess it’s pretty good that he works late and I hardly see him in the evenings.’
I gave her a comforting smile. ‘What about your mom?’ I asked.
‘She left when I was 2. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since- she just walked out one-day. We’ve lost contact with her. That’s when my dad started to develop a problem. What about your dad?’
‘I don’t know.’ I shrugged. ‘I’ve never really had one. He was just this guy who got my mom pregnant when she was sixteen and didn’t want to know.’
‘What’s your mom like?’
‘Irresponsible.’
Eventually our conversations thinned as we both became more tiresome and dozy. Kate dropped off practically mid sentence. I tried to sleep for a while, but then needed the toilet. I crept out of bed walked across the landing and managed to find my way to the bathroom. Whilst I was washing my hands, I eerily heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I presumed it was their dad going to bed and decided to remain in the bathroom until he had gone to avoid him. I listened intently. A door opened and closed, but the landing still creaked. A voice mumbled. It was Ryan. His dad slurred something back that I couldn’t determine. I pressed my ear nosily up against the door. I could hear the sound of a door being noisily kicked open and the clanking of bottles. Ryan said something about keeping it down. His dad loudly proclaimed ‘go clear up the kitchen, it’s a bloody mess.’
‘I’ll do it in the morning’ Ryan said, agitated and tired. ‘Just go to sleep, you don’t need all this. And don’t slam the door; you’ll wake Kate and Steph up.’
What followed was the loud sound of a door slamming 3 times. ‘Oh am I in trouble now?’ His dad said, obnoxiously.
‘You’re so childish.’ Ryan snapped.
‘Oh I’m childish am I? I’m not the one who thinks I can be a rock star.’ He dad said, laughing rudely.
‘Just go to sleep already.’ Said Ryan annoyed, who stormed off downstairs as his dad bellowed ‘clear up the kitchen!’ behind him. I waited for the door to slam a fourth time, before figuring it safe to leave. I was scared by what had just happened, but I didn’t feel like I could just go back to sleep, so I quietly made my way downstairs instead.
Ryan was in the living room, angrily stuffing discarded alcohol cans and bottles into a carrier bag like I’d seen him with the night before. He was still fully dressed this time, and I was the one in my pyjama shorts and tank top. I stood in the doorway awkwardly with my arms folded.
‘Oh- Sorry did we wake you up?’ Ryan said, spotting me.
‘Uh, yeah’ I lied ‘but don’t worry about it. I just wanted to see if every things alright?’
‘Yeah, fine.’ He said,avoiding my eyes and beginning to tie up the bag handles.
‘You missed one over there.’ I said, pointing to a stray can.
‘Oh’ He said ‘Thanks.’
‘Did you want me to clear up the kitchen?’
‘No’ He said kindly ‘its fine, my dad probably won’t get up till midday tomorrow, I’ll do it then.’
‘Oh OK.’ I said, tugging on a strand of hair. ‘Night then.’
I turned to head back upstairs. ‘Is it dyslexia?’ Ryan said suddenly, causing me to freeze on the spot, my shoulder’s tensing. I slowly turned back round.
‘What?’ I gulped.
‘Why you find school hard. What you were talking about last night. You have trouble reading don’t you?’
I merely blinked a dozen times whilst he paused and looked at me intently. ‘No-ones ever noticed that quickly’ I said, astonished.
‘I guess I’m just perceptive.’ He said, looking me straight in the eye. I looked away.
‘You won’t say anything will you?’
‘You mean the school doesn’t know?’
‘Right and I’d prefer to keep it that way.’
‘Why?’ He asked looking confused ‘I don’t understand. Surely it would be a whole lot better if they knew. I mean, you can have special classes to-‘
‘I don’t want special classes.’ I said sharply ‘They take me out of lessons and speak to me like I’m five. It’s humiliating and degrading, and they don’t even do anything for me. Everyone treats me like I’m stupid, even my teachers and classmates.’
‘You’re just making it worse for yourself. You’re getting in trouble for something that isn’t your fault.’
‘I prefer it.’ I shrugged.
‘Does anyone know?’
‘My elementary and some middle school teachers, and that’s about it.’
‘Does your mom know?’
‘Yeah. Well she did at some point. But she’s more or less forgotten about it, not that she’s particularly bothered. She doesn’t understand how bad it is. She just thinks I’m bad at spelling or something. ‘
‘So this is why you act up all the time and get detentions?’
‘I guess so. I mean, I can’t even do homework, because I can’t do it. I’m afraid of handing something in that makes no sense and will eventually give me away.’
‘They’ve got to find out sometime though, surely?’ He said.
I shrugged. ‘Maybe.’
‘Well I still think you should tell someone.’ He said ‘It can’t all be that bad. You’ll struggle. Especially in a school like Bishop Gorman. They wouldn’t be afraid to kick you out because of a bad homework record, I’m sure.’
I sighed. ‘Look, I don’t know. It’s just so embarrassing. I mean who can’t read? It’s ridiculous.’
Ryan looked at me and bit his lip. ‘Dyslexia’s common, Steph.’ He said gently.
‘Just promise me you won’t tell anyone? OK? Not a soul.’ I pleaded.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ‘Fine.’ He said. ‘But I still think it would be easier for you if you just told them. Think about it, at least?’
‘Yeah, sure, of course.’
I was lying through my teeth, and Ryan knew it.
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My current reviewers are awesome, but i would really like some more people to give me feedback on this, considering the amount of people that are actually reading it.
Plus, I'm really ill at the moment and feel like dying, so reviews are a sure fire way to cheer me up:)
If you have commented in the past, you truly are a star. (like ash360 who's review I just read, thank you)
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