Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Untitled {{Ferard Fan Fic}}

Not Ok

by ipanicdaily 0 reviews

Gerard's pov {{this is the last of the really long chapters. they get shorter after this))

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres:  - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-09-23 - Updated: 2008-09-24 - 2287 words - Complete


Gerard wandered through a graveyard, dressed in a black suit and a red tie, as though he was going to give a performance for Three Cheers. The air was thick and a slight fog covered the ground, making it difficult to read the tombstones all around. In the distant Gerard could see a group of people gathered around a grave giving their final good byes to the departed loved one. Not wanting to be rude, Gerard veered off to the right as he continued to wander amongst the dead. However, the closer he came to the group of people, the more he felt drawn to them. The fog made it impossible for Gerard to see the people's faces so he was unable to determine if he knew them or not. Maybe if I get a bit closer but remain quiet I won't disturb anyone...he thought and headed for the people. They were all dressed in black, as people at funerals tended to be. The closer he got, the more Gerard got the feeling that this was all too familiar. Unable to conclude where he had seen the scene before, he pressed on until he got close enough to hear the preacher reciting a passage from the bible before the coffin would be lowered into the ground. Careful not to make noise, Gerard got closer until he was among the group, blending in as part of the grieving group. He looked at the people but all of their faces were blurred and he was unable to make out anything more than the basic shapes.

Continuing to walk through the large group, Gerard pressed towards the front. He was confused as to why no one seemed to have a face and wondered where he was. That's when he saw them. Ray, Mikey, and Bob were standing shoulder to shoulder in the front. Gerard picked up his pace until he reached them. They too were dressed in their old black suits and were staring blankly at the ground. "Mikey? Mikey, whats going on?" Gerard questioned his brother when he got close. Mikey didn't answer. He didn't show any signs of even hearing Gerard. Confused and frustrated, he tried asking Ray and Bob as well but got the same result. Something here isn't right...they're acting like I'm not even here...Gerard thought. The more he looked over the scene, the more something seemed wrong. Giving up on his band, he went to where the priest was standing before a grave reciting something from the scripture he held in his hands. To the side was what looked like a picture so Gerard headed over to it in an attempt to figure out what was going on. When the image became visible, Gerard's heart fell into his stomach and he felt sick. A picture of Frank stood on stand, surrounded by black roses, his guitar propped up against it."What the fuck is going on?" he yelled, unable to believe that he was at Frank's funeral. "If only Gerard learned to stop drinking like we all thought." Ray said in a low voice. "I swear I thought he changed. I'll always love him, but I don't know if I can forgive him." Mikey said in response to Ray. Gerard had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. He had worked out his problem with alcohol and was doing a damn good job staying sober.

Suddenly everyone began to move towards the coffin. It was slowly lowered into the ground and everyone gathered around it. People began to pick up a handful of dirt before dropping it on the coffin and walking away, crying hysterically. Gerard spotted Ray, Mikey, and Bob doing the same thing. He ran over to them."What are you doing?"he yelled at them but again they seemed to not hear him. Once each person had tossed their handful of dirt, shovels were used to cover the coffin with the remaining soil until the ground was almost level again. Some people put black roses on the grave, others memorable items, before everyone disappeared into black limos. All that remained was the picture and the tombstone reading "Iero" across it. This can't be happening! he thought as he continued to stare at the grave. Frank is not dead! He cant be! Gerard screamed inside his head. Out of nowhere Frank's figure appeared next to him. Gerard sighed relief."Thank god you're alright! I was so confused!" Gerard said to him. Frank looked at Gerard and smiled. "Make sure you find a good replacement for the band." Frank said to him. Gerard was still confused. "Frankie, what the fuck are you talking about?"Gerard asked with a slight laugh. "I'll miss you all. Please don't stop because I'm gone. Continue the band." Was all he said."Will you stop talking like that? We're not going to replace you Frankie! You're going to do the shows with us like always." he somewhat yelled. Gerard was starting to get pissed. Frank hugged Gerard, still smiling. "I'll miss you the most. Just please continue, for me, and know that I'll always be beside you." Frank said when he suddenly disappeared. "Frankie? Frank! Come back!" Gerard yelled, frantically looking all around. The graveyard was empty. It's only contents where lifeless tombstones and Gerard. He fell to his knees and began to cry.He can't be gone! Gerard said to himself. He tried to dig up the coffin that had just been buried but the dirt became unmovable. Still crying, Gerard clutched a black rose that someone had left on the mound. His tears fell to the ground that quickly sucked them in as though it hadn't had water in years."Frankie..." he choked out as he clutched the rose so hard, the thorns pierced his hands and warm red blood trickled out and down his hand, until it too dripped to the ground.

With a gasp of air Gerard flew up and looked around. The sky was dark and the sounds of crickets filled the still air. Glancing around, Gerard remembered where he was. His heart was racing and he was soaked with sweat but he sighed relief and took deep breaths to calm down. His body was shaking and he wiped away the sweat from his forehead along with the sweat, or tears, that surrounded his eyes. His head was pounding and he laid back down because he was dizzy and nauseous. It had been a week since he left home, a week since he'd eaten, a week since he had done anything. Now he laid in the middle of a deserted field in the middle of nowhere, staring into the black sky.

That dream was the whole reason he left home to begin with. Every night, the same thing; Frank's death. No matter what he did or no matter what he thought about before going to sleep, the same dream kept reoccurring. Gerard couldn't figure out why it kept happening. Frank was perfectly fine and wasn't going to die anytime soon. But slowly it ate away at him until there were nights where he would force himself to stay awake for days on end, just to avoid it. He couldn't share his nightmare with anyone because it was too horrific and he didn't want anyone to worry. They wouldn't necessarily worry about Frank but more so worry about Gerard and his mental state. He was afraid of what people would do since the public already was up their asses about their music. He was tired of people telling them that they were an emo band and that kids shouldn't listen to their music. That was all far from the truth. Gerard formed the band to help him deal with his problems as well as everyone else suffering from the same dilemmas.

Gerard rolled onto his side stared into the distance. The sun was starting to come up as a small half circle of light was visible beyond the hills. Even though he was in the middle of nowhere, he knew he had to get going soon, before anyone would see him. Buried inside his hoodie, Gerard lifted himself from the soft grass and began to head off again. He could still hear some crickets but they no longer had a symphony going. Now it was an occasional chirping here and there. He had a hard time walking because he was so exhausted but he couldn't stop. If he stopped, someone would find him and take him back to the life he was running from. His plan was to keep running until he eventually just couldn't go any farther. To keep running until he ended up killing himself from over excursion and lack of food or other vital factors of life.

Of course Gerard's plan made him hate himself since he had battled with so many people that he was against suicide and that suicide was a pathetic outlet people resort to when their at their lowest points. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. The nightmare caused him to turn against his family and his friends. He couldn't be near them, petrified of the dream coming true. While he had been sober for years, he was still afraid of slipping and causing Frank's death like he had in his nightmares. He couldn't let that happen.

As he staggered across the field, Gerard tripped and fell to the ground. With a moan he lifted himself up again and started to walk again. He didn't get far before he started choking and had to stop. It felt as though his lungs were on fire and he couldn't stop coffining. Lifting his arm to his mouth, he coughed furiously into his black sleeve to muffle the noise he was making since noise seemed to echo in vast open areas. When he finally stopped he lowered his arm and took quick breaths in until he was able to breathe regularly again. He lifted the same arm to rub the sleep from his eyes when he noticed there was a large wet spot on the sleeve. With his other hand, Gerard ran two fingers across the spot then lifted the fingers to his face. They were red with blood.

Gerard quickly pulled his sleeve up to check his arm and make sure he didn't cut himself. His arm had splotches of blood that had soaked through the sleeve but there was no evidence of cuts or anything. That's when Gerard tasted the bitter coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He rubbed his hand across his lips and saw that his hand was quickly painted with the warm red fluid. Licking his lips, he rubbed his hand across them again and this time his hand came up empty. His lips weren't the source of the blood. He then used his parched tongue to check his mouth but could find no source of cuts in his mouth either. There was only one conclusion. He had coughed up the blood.

Spitting out the remains of his vicious coughing fit, Gerard pulled the hoodie off and chucked it to the ground before setting off again. He found a small stream where he bent down and cupped his hands then lifted some water to his lips. After he washed his arm and cupping his hands again, lifted some of the cold water to his face to cool himself down. Once he finished, Gerard stood and when he steadied his balance, he begin walking again. Gerard knew that coughing up blood was a bad sign, but he couldn't dwell on it. He had to keep going. He was down to his shirt, pants, and shoes now. Days before he left the few supplies he brought along with him behind because he was too exhausted to carry them any longer. Now he lost his hoodie. The nights were getting colder and he had already had a hard time staying warm in the open fields but he didn't want to go around with a bloody hoodie incase he did happen to find a small town where he wouldn't be recognized.

When the end of the field came into Gerards sight, he saw a small road. All roads lead to somewhere... he thought to himself as he headed for the shining pavement. Illusions of water danced on the road as the sun shone down violently one the earth but the dancing wind kept the temperature cool. He had been wandering for a few days and nights without resting so he figured he had to be out of Jersey by now. Last night was the first night in about five days he got any form of rest. When he reached the road he began to walk along side it, heading towards the sun that burned brightly in the sky. He saw no traces of human life along the road. The only life at all that he could see were a various variety of bugs and occasionally a few birds flew overhead.

After he walked for about two hours along the road, he saw a small town and figured that it was small enough for him not to be known so he headed for it. Only a few houses had cars and there weren't many houses visible at all. There was a small store and various other buildings that a community needs to survive. People walked on the sidewalks and when they spotted Gerard the whispered amongst themselves. Gerard began to couch violently again and like before, blood came out. A man about Gerard's age ran over to him. "Hey, are you ok?" he asked Gerard who nodded weakly before blacking out and falling to the ground.
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