FicWad

Memoirs Of An Earth Bound Angel
It was late night as I inhaled my cigarette. Marlboro, the taste lingered in my throat. The air was crisp and the smell of the city lingered in my nose. I could see the stars where I was standing. That black alley way gave me a shot of beauty but only for a brief moment. I smoothed back my now sweaty and greasy black hair and adjusted my jean jacket. I gave it hard. I gave them all what they wanted. I sang until my voice became horse. Even if it meant passing out onstage I’d scream until my lungs till my lungs gave out just to hear the cheers and applauded of the crowd. It gave me a rush. A tingly sensation through out my whole body that I couldn’t explain. Once I hear that first scream it makes my body jump and quiver and scream at me “hey fucker…your finally here, and you finally made to the big times”. I take the last drag off my cigarette and spit, as if washing away all the bad that went into my body. I fix my sunglasses on even if I was late night. The blinding lights of camera’s always seem to make my migraine’s worse after a show. My security guard came towards my band and me. He just wanted to prep us for the crowd we were about to head towards. “You only have about enough time to quickly sign a couple autographs, and take a few pictures, I lead you in and the escort you out when it’s time to go” he said sternly. His name was mouse. But he looked better as a moose in my terms. He’s been there through a lot with us, screaming fans, psychotic teenagers that want to tear the clothes right off our backs, and then haters who’d rather see our faces in shit. My brother led the group out with mouse. He’s the strong silent type now a days, so not much shit bothers us. Mouse said one quick last word to us “I’ll take the ladies around back while you guys are signing autographs”. Now I can say this may make us sound like man whores but it’s not as it seems. My brother is married to a girl named Alicia. They got married back in march while we were on tour. It was a quick backstage thing, but they couldn’t be happier in their lives if they tried. Then there’s jamia, she’s the soon to be wife of one of my best friends and rhythm guitarist. Then there’s Cynthia, and Cyndi, Cynthia is fiancée to my lead guitarist and also a best friend, and Cyndi is girlfriend to my drummer and best bud. These are they ladies that hold us high in some of our lowest moments. As for me well, I haven’t quite found that special lady yet. I’ve met thousands of people and fans across the world. But not one has triggered the feeling of love inside me. I have a peculiar way of feeling love. It may not be how everyone else feels what love is but it’s mine. Love is when you know all about someone and except still for who they are. Love is when you walk into a room and get butterflies in your stomach and weak in the knees every time. Love is being able to tell all the good and bad and your deepest secrets to them and they still don’t care, because they love you. That is what I believe is love. But as I said again, there hasn’t been that certain girl that gives me that feeling. We busted out into the crowd, mouse got them to step back and give us some air. They nearly knocked over the metal gates before we got out there. They all were screaming are names. Boys, Girls, Adults even young kids were screaming for us. Some were in tears others were mellow and handed us there stuff and had us sign it. Oddly there was one girl. She was silent. But she reached her arm out and tapped my shoulder. I turned around and say her standing there. She had blond and red hair. I walked back to her and asked her, her name. She said it but I could barely hear her. I leaned in to hear her better “Ivy” in almost a whisper. I smiled and asked her if she’d like me to sign something for her. She shook her head no. She reached her arms out to me. I went in and gave her a hug. This girl looked lost, and afraid as if this was her escape. When I went in and hugged her she took a deep breath of me. I held her tightly for only a brief moment and rubbed her back. I wanted her to feel it was okay. I made a motion to mouse to have this girl looked at. He gave me thumbs up. I gave her one last big hug and was on my way. I signed a couple autographs and took a couple of pictures and was on my way. When I got to the end of the line of fans I stopped and made a quick statement “I want to thank you all for coming out tonight, you guys were amazing and brought so much love to us, thank you and have a great night, we’ll see you soon”. With that statement I lit up another Marlboro and got on the bus. On too Iowa….

I get on the bus and flick on the news. Nothing new in the world today same old shit just another day. More floods, more crimes, and more deaths. Sometimes it just gets sickening to watch. Bobert ((bob for real)) decides to get some movies out. “Anything unparticular you want to watch gee” he said getting his stacks of DVD’s out. “I’m just so sick of sad and depressing things, give me something with a good laugh to it” I hollered at him. Bob was pretty good at making things work for being funny. Bob brought out a orange case and popped in the DVD. No doubt in my mind, Sponge bob! I chuckled to my self as I saw the start menu pop up. He always has it in the bag I swear it. I went to my bunk and grabbed my favorite blanket. I got it in New York when we were out on tour. It’s black and really soft and fluffy. I could hear my brother snoring above my bunk. He sounded like the belt on a vacuum cleaner broke. Never a day I didn’t laugh at him for it. Bob got himself situated at the table on the left closer to the TV. I sat down on the right and snuggled up by a window. I kept my focus on the cartoons before me for the most bit. But my mind kept wondering out the window. I just turned Thirty-One and still no wife, no children. Just a weird punk star touring the world to fulfill his dreams. The stars shined bright against the bus and the black pavement. My head wondered on and on as I soon drifted to sleep. I had this dream where I was standing at the altar and was about to get married. There she was, she was in a long white gown walking down the isle with which I believed was her father. She reached me as we turned to the pastor. She whispered something to me. “I’m not ready for this”. My heart sunk and my face grew pale. I turned to look at her but she was gone. She was being thrown backwards down the isle out a door. I screamed “no” and reached for her but it was too late. I woke myself up and sat there in a cold sweat. My rhythm guitarist and my brother were sitting at the table on the left drinking coffee. “Have another one of those weird fantasy dreams again” asked my brother. I just stared blankly for a moment and shook it off. I went in to the bus bathroom and brushed my teeth. It was no use of my brushing them in the morning I swear. I just went back out, made my coffee, cracked open the tour bus window and lit a cigarette. My hair was thick and greasy. I needed a shower, but at this moment I didn’t care. I wanted to stare at the cornfields. They were almost entrancing compared to the bland streets of a city. My lead guitarist was in the very back playing his guitar. It shook the best when they had their amps plugged in. He kept playing the same rhythm over and over again. He was always good at writing the new songs for the band. This one I felt almost dreamy with. I liked it. It felt right and it felt good.