Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Suicidal Tendencies

Suicidal Tendencies

by SinsNotTragedies95 4 reviews


Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG - Genres: Drama - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2008-09-15 - Updated: 2008-10-08 - 995 words - Complete

Ryan wearily opens his eyes, and then sighs. Another day. Damn. He wishes he could have died in his sleep. He sits up and glances out the window.

‘What if I jumped out that window?’ he asks himself.

He tries to shake that thought but it just wont leave. He’s been having suicidal tendencies ever since Brendon broke up with him. And his reason for breaking up was stupid.

‘Its not a good image for the band. It’s not fair to Spencer and Jon if the band is unsuccessful ‘cuz people don’t like that we’re dating.’

Ryan had tried to stay in the band and act like nothing had happened, but Ryan couldn’t take it. He quit the band and moved far away from Las Vegas, to NYC. Now, he got to work at Starbucks, live at a crummy apartment, and employ TV as his only companion.


Today was a really bad day. Ryan had gotten fired for not being pleasant, and his electricity and gas for his apartment had been turned off. Also, some bum had stolen his wallet. To top that all off, he couldn't get Brendon out of his head. He was thinking about him nonstop. It was a really bad thing to be thinking about, it pretty much have him severe psycological damage. His life was basically going down the drain. Then, a single happy thought radiated in his mind.

‘The window.’

He smiled to himself as he opened the glass and climbed onto the sill.
“Goodbye, Mr. Ross,” he says to himself. He takes a deep breath, and jumps.
The exhilaration from the free fall fills him, and then with a sickening crack, he hits the pavement, and everything goes black.


Brendon could hear Jon and Spencer playing pinball in the other room, loud as always. He didn’t understand why the tour bus had a pinball machine on it, but it was annoying nonetheless. “Shut up, I’m watching the news!” he shouts in their general direction. He turns his attention back to the screen. Normally, he wouldn’t watch the news, but he really needed to get Ryan out of his head. Most of the NYC news went in one ear and out the other, but then he heard a familiar name.

“A man by the name of Ryan Ross,” the newslady said, “was seen jumping out the window of his 23rd story apartment window earlier today in what looks to be attempted suicide. A tourist caught the incident on his CamCorder.”

They played the footage. Brendon’s face drains of color as he watches the man he love jump from the 23rd story and fall through the air. He almost faints as he sees Ryan hit the concrete, and hears the sickening snap that accompanies it. Then the newslady comes back.

“His attempt, however disturbing, was unsuccessful. He is currently being held at NYC Hospital as a recovering outpatient with a broken leg, arm, and several broken ribs.”

“ZACK!” he screams at his bodyguard slash bus driver. “NYC HOSPITAL, PRONTO! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY HERE!!”

He topples over as the bus makes a sharp turn. He hears sounds of protest from Jon and Spencer. That will teach them to play pinball. Ha ha. The bus slows after a few moments and turns, and Brendon sprints out of the bus before its even fully stopped. He bursts into the hospital lobby and heads toward the sign in desk.

“I need to see Ryan Ross, now.” He tells the receptionist.

She produces a clipboard with a couple forms on it. “You’ll need to fill these out.”

He fills them out in record time, and the receptionist gives Brendon a visitor’s sticker.

“Mr. Ross is in room 34A, on the 9th floor. It will be the first door on your right.”

Brendon runs into the elevator and pushes the button with the glowing 9 on it. It seems like an eternity while the elevator moves upward, but when the doors open he sprints out and bursts into Ryan’s room.

“Ryan Ross the fucking Third!!!!” he screams. “What the hell were you thinking?!?!?”


Ryan is sitting on his hospital bed, just thinking, with tears running silently down his cheeks. He has a broken arm, leg, and multiple broken ribs.

‘Great. Now I have no job, no money, no electricity…Why couldn’t my attempt have worked?!’ He asks himself.

He has just begun contemplating that answer when who should burst in the door, but Brendon.

“Ryan Ross the fucking Third! What the hell were you thinking?!?!” Brendon yells.

One look at Brendon and Ryan starts crying again. He was bringing back painful memories.

“Really, Ry! What were you thinking!? First you quit the band, then you pick up and move without telling anyone where you’re going, you don’t contact me for 3 months, and then I’m touring in NYC to find out on the news that you’ve currently attempted suicide! What happened to you Ry?! You used to be so…put together!”

Ryan is silent.

“Well? Talk! I think I deserve an explanation!”

“You don’t deserve shit, Brendon. You broke up with me for no fucking reason. I quit the band because I couldn’t stand being around you knowing I couldn’t have you. I moved with out telling anyone cuz I didn’t want you to come find me. I thought both our lives would be better if we didn’t have to see each other. I attempted suicide, cuz my life has just been going down the drain ever since then. So you wonder what I was thinking? I was thinking of you.”

Ryan stands up and walks as quickly as his cast will allow to the door. He gives Brendon one last sad look.

“Just keep the hell away from me.”

And he leaves the room, leaving Brendon shocked, sad, and really, really worried for Ryan.
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