Mikey fights a losing battle with himself, will he listen to the voices or overcome himself?
She lied to you! It would tell him. She loved you, she wanted you, and she turned to you for protection. Gerard is getting revenge on you by taking the one true thing you care about. He clamped his hands over his ears trying desperately to shut out the horrid things it told him. It did no good. She and you shared something, you shared intimate moments, and by god she almost shared your bed! You had the chance to finally take something pure something untouched but no…she wanted him instead. And you just let him get away with it…
No! The other part of him said; the better part of his conscience. She does love me, she just loves Gerard too. How can I expect her not to be torn and tortured by this? She is strong, but she isn’t invincible. I respect what she wants, I respect her! I can’t be mad at her, I can’t stay mad a her-
That’s because you’re weak!! His evil half said. You won’t blame her for the pain she’s caused you; you’ll just shrug it off as nothing. You may be right in that it isn’t her fault, but she did have something to do with it. So if it isn’t her fault whose is it? Mikey shook his head quickly, mutually attempting to remove the horrid images of Rae and Gerard…together.
“It’s nobody’s fault,” he whispered raggedly, “it couldn’t be helped. I-it was bound to happen sometime, it was just a matter of counting the seconds.”
Of course there you go again, blaming not a soul when there is a just culprit. You simply don’t want to admit it’s the one you love… Mikey shook his head again, feeling his new tears slip through his tightly closed lids; he knew his eyes were already swollen and beet red from the amount of weeping he had done in those days of confinement. He hadn’t actually seen his face though; he wouldn’t dare look in the mirror to see his deathly pale complexion, his jumbled greasy hair, and the dark swollen bags underneath his zombie like eyes. He wasn’t a pretty sight that much he was sure of.
“Please,” he sobbed quietly into his tear soaked hands, “don’t blame her…she didn’t mean it, I know she didn’t.”
Aww is little Mikey still sticking up for his wuvey? Muahahahahahahaha!! How touching…do you think that if she sees you in your morbid state that she’ll feel sorrow, that she’ll feel compassion like she did your brother? Not likely…you need to stand up for yourself and no one else, lest they traipse all over you like this one did!
“No, god no…I can’t hurt her-”
But she hurt you!! The voice continued in a taunting tone. She’s played you from the very beginning, played you like a violin. Dear sweet Mikey you must take hold of yourself. You need to make yourself angry and grab hold of that anger and unleash it onto them…onto her!! Mikey only sobbed harder, his entire frame shaking violently from his inner war. He couldn’t go on like this; it was going to slowly and agonizingly tear him apart from the inside out if he didn’t shut one of the voices up.
“No stop!!” he cried, he sobbed through his gritted teeth. They were clamped so hard he feared they’d shatter from the pressure. “Just stop, I won’t listen to you anymore…you-you-you can’t control what I do or think or say!” he finished, clawing at his face.
Ahhh, the voice purred making him cease breathing. That’s where you’re wrong little Michael. I’ve controlled you so far with my words, I’ve implanted images in your head, I’ve made you visualize things you thought unthinkable…you’ve done exactly what I’ve said without even knowing it. I’ve controlled your emotions, toying with you as I pleased…and I have been pleased. The voice laughed making Mikey’s blood run cold. He needed to get out of his room; he needed to get away from the voice.
But how can you run from something that’s in your very core, how can you run from something as tormenting as this? How do you run……from yourself?
Please please PLEASE tell me what you thought of this chapter...it would mean the world to me! ♥Rhi