Rae, Mikey, and Gerard finally have their heart felt talk, but is it more than they can handle? Who will break after everything is said and...done?
Gerard was apprehensive of course, knowing full well that this was going to be the time where everything between the three of them would be let out in the open, allowing feelings, emotions, and words to be thrown. He didn’t want this to happen, he hoped nothing would change between Mikey and him; he wouldn’t be able to stand it if anything did. Glancing momentarily to his brother’s face, he saw shock, fear, and confusion…every emotion that didn’t belong there. Mikey didn’t deserve this kind of pain, this kind of anything, he may have hurt Gerard in the past, but Mikey didn’t deserve to be hurt now. It was too late in the game for that to solve anything.
“Bob,” Rae spoke, making Gerard look away from Mikey which was the last thing he wanted to do, “you need to leave Bob. You need to leave now.” She pointed toward the door, and surprisingly Bob obliged, not without giving her a curious and glaring look. After Bob had left the room, closing the door behind him, Rae let go of Mikey’s hand and went to sit beside Gerard on his bed.
She sighed heavily, running her hands through her hair quickly and spoke first.
“Ok, we need to get some things straight and out in the open, just the three of us. Gerard, do you want to say your bit first, and then let Mikey go? Or do you want me to start?” She looked at Mikey’s face while she spoke, as if she were trying to tell him something trough her eyes…and apology maybe, or an explanation.
“No, I’ll say what I have to first.” He spoke without emotion, trying to find the words to make everything ok. Rae nodded in response, silently urging him to continue as Mikey stared hard at him, apparently attempting to make sense of what was happening.
He sighed heavily, his thoughts still running through his mind going faster and faster to search for the words, those syllables to fix this problem…there wasn’t any fixing it until everything was said, and he knew it so it was useless to try and pretend that wasn’t the case.
“Mikey?” he asked at last, getting the still hard stare from him. “Do…do you remember when we were younger, um, do you remember……Jenna?” Spitting out her name, he heard Mikey’s sharp intake of breath. “I have a confession…I never forgave you for that, I never forgave you for anything. I only said I did so nothing bad would happen between us.”
“Gerard,” Mikey began, his hazel eyes beginning to well up.
“No, you listen to what I have to say!” He cut his brother off making him cringe from the anger in his tone. “I’ve lived with this since I can remember, I’ve gone through school watching you take my friends, taking my girl friends; you always became the center of attention, you did things behind my back…behind mom and dad’s backs too! I’m not going to let you do this any longer, I was the one who saw her walking down the street,” he pointed to Rae, making her gulp, “I was the one who brought her here, I was the one who fell in love with her, not you!”
“See that’s where you’re wrong Gerard,” Mikey retorted, leaping off the bed making Gerard jump back, “you’re wrong about several things. I “took” your girl friends after you dumped them, they needed consoling since you broke their hearts…each one of them loved you more than you could understand, and you ripped them apart! Jenna......she wanted to go to the movies with you, but her parents wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t lying to you when she told you she was sick, she was sick of them. So since she couldn’t go with you, she called me over to “help her with her English report”. I shouldn’t have fallen for it, but when I got there, she all but attacked me, kissing any part of me she could get her grubby little hands on. You happened to walk in exactly when she had gotten her mouth over mine…it was appalling. So I didn’t steal her, dude I didn’t even want her!!!” Mikey finally paused running his hands over his face, falling back onto the bed.
“And your friends,” he spoke this time through his fingers, “they seemed drawn to me, I don’t know, and Rae? Well that night when you…I was only trying to protect her…and she seemed so frail and innocent walking around my room, like she was trying to decide if I was dangerous. And that’s when I kinda fell in love with her, she’s beautiful, you know that, and she grows on you. I just didn’t know…” he trailed off looking up to Gerard with sincerity.
“Mikey, god I’m sorry I have to tell you this,” Rae finally spoke, knowing she couldn’t hold back her story now since the Way boys had both spoken. “I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone in my life, intentionally inflicting pain on someone is beyond me, you understand,” she said drawing her eyes to Mikey then to Gerard and then the floor. How can I do this? How can I hurt the very people who love me so much? I can’t do this! She shouted to herself. But I have to do this, for all our sakes…no one will be at peace until I do. God Gerard…Mikey…please forgive me. She sighed again after a moment’s thought and began again. “Mikey you know I love you, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. But when you and the other guys went out Gerard came to me and he confessed everything he said to you just now. It hurt me and touched me so deeply…so deep that I felt the need to comfort him, console him…the need to make him feel like he wasn’t alone. I wept for him. I had never seen him so distraught…Gerard; the cold hearted man who stole me from the streets in the blinding daylight, Gerard; the one who has kept me stashed up inside a house alone. How could I not be affected by what he told me?” she paused to close her eyes from their harsh gazes that seemed to bore down into her soul almost commanding it to combust. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you, but he kissed me…and if you think you should beat him to death then you’ll beat me too because I kissed him back. There was just something there, some sort of understanding bond between us. What you and I had…I think you were just trying to protect me, like you said, I know you care about me but so does he. It tears me right up inside knowing that one of you has to be in pain while I choose the other. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know what either of you want me to do. I just…I just…I need to think!” And with that she ran from the room, her blazing hot tears scorching their way down her face.
Why did she have to cry so much? Why did she have to care so much? Why was she so empathetic? Why…why…why…WHY?! She was never going to be able to figure this out; she was only a teenager for Christ sakes! She wasn’t meant to deal with this kind of drama; this kind of emotional torment. It was beyond her to understand how people could manage to survive this…it completely sucked her emotions dry.
Finally reaching the doorway to her room she rushed inside slamming it shut, engaged the lock, and collapsed on the floor. And she wept…and wept…and wept. She cried for Mikey who she had hurt beyond recognition. If he were to forgive her, she would consider herself lucky, if not, death would be welcomed. She cried for Gerard who had to watch his brother and her become engulfed in grief and sorrow, if he managed not to turn to the bottle because of her she would count her blessings. She cried for Bob and Ray who had tried so desperately to help her, if they weren’t mixed up in this whole mess she would consider them lucky. She lastly cried for Frank who was such an angel who seemingly was never around, if he could stay that way and never see his friends in this much distress then she would surely think him heavenly. She couldn’t be brought to cry for herself since she was the one who caused this predicament in the first place. Maybe if she had only taken the bus home that day…
She miserably beat her fists against the floor, the pain reaching out like nails, but she didn’t care, she couldn’t care if she wanted to…she was completely spent.
Her emotional system shut down after a while, making her go completely numb. She kept on crying until her eyes could give no more, until she felt like she would never cry again, until she felt as if she could consume an entire gallon and still be parched.