The story continues!
(#) silentjackal 2008-10-30 01:59:27 AMOverall its not a bad story. I like the plot concept and the characters you are using, however the story seems to feel forced somehow. The pacing feels off and the character conversations are so/so.
HOWEVER, this does not make it a bad story. I would suggest finish writing what you want to and then going back and flesh it out somewhat when you have more time.
Keep it up writing fanfic is annoying at times I know ( I am on fanfiction.net and potterheadsanonmous.com same userid)but you have the bones for a tremendously good story in here.
- I had forgotten about this story myself, But now that I have read it again I am glad that you are writing again.As for the story I am glad that you don't have Harry crying anymore, And you might want to take some time and write a longer chapter that have Harry/Fluer and Tracy having a long talk about the relationship that they are in, And what will happen if Harry and Tracy go back to Hogwarts. And will there be a confrontation between Harry and his former friends?
- I have to commend your effort to updating your story. "Just below average" describes your story fairly well. The problem with it is that its not thought out or seem planned, follows to many clichè and sometimes seemingly ridiculous (like those seen in cheap romance novel.) All I can say is if you plan your ideas and write them down sensibly and not so blatantly will improve the story vastly.
- i really do not see anything wrong with your fic, except the chapter length, but thats all, and don't let the flamers get you down, i think this is a great story. oh and one other thing, but its a personal preferance and i know you had to do it, but i still hate it anyway. ;P Hermione would NEVER abandon Harry, lol.
- I personally think you have a good idea for a story here, it has potential to develop and go interesting places. That being said I’m struggling to read it, the story feels very young, the conversations between characters comes across as forced and every now and then the plot becomes unbelievable.
Please don’t give up or take this as a negative. Everyone’s writing changes as they get older and gain more experience. I’ve personally gone back to some stories I wrote and cringed then re-wrote them to my current standards!
Use it as a learning experience and maybe re-view back to see where you can pad out the plot, and make the characters interaction become more natural.