He'll never admit it, but Bert misses Gerard. (The Used crossover. Bert/Gerard; one-shot)
Gerard, who hasn't been asleep, is curled into a ball against Bert's chest, hands fisted in his shirt. He looks up at Bert and tells him that no, it's not love, it's called lust; and to leave the lies to the liars.
Bert mumbles something about song lyrics and drifts back into sleep.
"You really need to hurry the fuck up and get over him."
"I am over him."
"So over him that you wrote an entire fucking album for him."
"It's not for him, it's for his brother. I'm pretending to be Wentz. It's the 'What Would Wentz Do' mentality."
"Bert, it's killing you."
"Maybe I want it to kill me."
Bert's hands are tangled in Gerard's hair, lips pressed together harshly, teeth clashing and tongues wrestling for dominance. Bert's straddling Gerard's hips, rocking down every few minutes just to hear Gerard moan; and oh, this moment is just perfect in all the wrong ways.
Pete and Mikey are curled up on the couch at the front of the bus, watching Rocky Horror for the umpteenth time, with Ray sprawled out next to them, murmuring something sugar-sweet to Krista over the phone. Frank's having a 'power nap', which really means he's jerking off in his bunk to Jamia's answering machine, and somehow one Patrick Stump has found his way to Gerard's secret supply of rainbow candy. But all Bert can focus on is Gerard's lips, cheeks, chest; the way his chest heaves when he pulls away, the way his breath hitches in his throat, the way he tenses and then relaxes whenever Bert pushes down.
And if it were any other time, there would be hands everywhere, and no clothes in sight, and everyone else on the bus would be trying desperately to ignore the moans coming from Gerard's bunk. But it's not any other time, and the two are content just to lie and make out. Occasionally, Bert will mumble "wait, wait" and grab a notebook and scribble something on the pages, Just hold me tight, lay by my side or one more time to say I love you always or I am all yours so please be all mine or some other equally romantic line. When he does this, Gerard will smirk slightly and ramble for a while about Freddy Mercury writing Bohemian Rhapsody during a blow job, and would Bert prefer one of those? But Bert will just finish the lyrics, snicker slightly at Gerard's description of Freddy's writing process and kiss him again.
"Bert, I honestly don't think we should do this album."
"What the fuck are you talking about? It's a brilliant album. Best lyrics I ever wrote."
"There's nothing wrong with the lyrics, there's something wrong with you."
"I can stop drinking any time I feel like, as long as it's next Tuesday."
"Not that, the... it's a fucking love letter for Gerard Way."
"No, it's not. I just wrote some of the lyrics when I was with him, that's all."
"...Bohemian Rhapsody style?"
The first time Gerard tries to kill himself, he's with Bert. He's drunk and stoned and so fucking depressed, and he fights his way past Bert and ducks under Jeph's arm and throws open the bathroom cabinet and grabs the bottle of pain medication. It takes all of the Used and one very angry Frank Iero to get the bottle out of his hands, and even then Frank sits with him in the bathroom and forces him to throw up the eleven or so pills he had managed to take.
Bert sits in his bunk writing He has an earthquake on his mind over and over again in his little green notebook, shaking uncontrollably and listening to Gerard vomiting in the bathroom. Frank's voice is shrill over everything else, "fucker, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck would you want to do something like that? I love you, dickhead! He loves you! Every fucking loser teenager on the face of the fucking earth loves you! You can't just give up like that..."
And the next day when Gerard's finally calmed down, Bert makes him the Incredible Hangover Cure (porridge with cream and sugar) and sings Blue and Yellow. Gerard's hiding from the world under the covers. Bert tells him he loves him. Ray plays them a riff he's been working on. Gerard whispers something about black parades and homicidal teenagers.
It's so far from that day last week when everything seemed so perfect.
"You have to stop thinking about him."
"I'm not thinking about him. Haven't thought about that motherfucker for months."
"'I've slaughtered us, I've murdered our love'? That's not about him?"
"It's about Bowie."
"You wrote another love song for your dead dog."
"I loved that dog, man."
Gerard seems happier - drunker, but happier. One day Bert and Gerard go on a date - a real, proper date, to dinner and then the movies, public displays of affection and everything; and Gerard's grinning the entire time.
When they get back to the busses they're acting like fifteen year olds, Bert kissing Gerard goodnight, then Gerard walking Bert back to the Used bus and kissing him goodnight, then Bert walking Gerard back to the My Chemical Romance bus and kissing him goodnight. Eventually they reach a compromise, and run to the Fall Out Boy bus where Andy's up late eating vegan chips and watching late night horror movies, and sleep in his bed instead.
Just sleep. Nothing else.
And it's nice.
"This is a complete rip off of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge."
"Oh, so now 'hip hip hooray' is copyrighted to My Chemical Romance?"
"It's their thing."
"It's our thing now."
"You can't just-"
"Leave it, Quinn."
"You're an asshole, Bert."
"You love it."
Gerard decides all of a sudden that he hates Bert, because it makes for good sex. Bert's fine with it, because, well, it makes for good sex. Fast, hard, and angry; just the way he likes it, with just the Way he likes.
So for three days they scream at each other, "I HATE YOU!" "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" "I NEVER LOVED YOU!" and then go have hate sex in the bathroom. And then one day Gerard wakes up and decides that he likes Bert again, because he can hardly sit down any more, and because he wants a blow job.
Bert blows him in the bathroom at some sleazy club in whatever town they're in, and they're in love again.
"Ooh, I like this song."
"You wanna watch zombie movies and eat ice cream?"
Whenever Gerard's in one of his Moods, Bert tells him that if he kills himself he'll never speak to him ever again, and it's worked so far.
But not tonight.
Gerard says he's getting claustrophobic, and that he's going to go back to the bus and sleep. And Bert, being the idiot he is, believes him.
It's not until he gets back to the bus around three in the morning that he thinks that maybe something's wrong, and then his cell rings and it's Brian telling him that Gerard tried to kill himself again, and that he really should get over to the MCR tour bus because Gerard has razor blades and that he's said that he'll slash his wrists, really, properly, finally if Bert doesn't turn up. By the time Bert gets to the tour bus, Gerard's passed out on Mikey's knee, Frank's sobbing "fucking idiot, fucking idiot" over and over again, and Ray and Bob are going through all Gerard's stuff, pulling out everything dangerous. There's a small pile on the floor: panadol, xanax, three lighters, a packet of razor blades and a penknife. Mikey's talking frantically to Brian on his cell phone, and Bert gets a feeling of dread deep in his guts.
"Did he -"
"No, thank God."
"Fuck." Bert sinks to his knees and then he's crying, too, because he loves this man, really truly loves him.
Frank pulls him into a rough hug, and then everybody's crying, even Ray. Gerard's silent though, lying sprawled on the couch with his head on Mikey's lap in a drug-induced coma.
Bert stays on the My Chem bus for the rest of the night, and most of the next day, and by the time he finally manages to get back to his own band he has lyrics scrawled down his arms and on his stomach and even on his legs.
It's lyrics enough for four songs, and they're all for Gerard.
"I can't fucking do it."
"You have to, we can't-"
"I can't sing the fucking song!"
"Stop being a fucking rock and roll brat and just sing the god damn song!"
Bert and Gerard agree it's best if they stay away from each other for a while.
Bert's not good for Gerard.
Bert can't help thinking that Gerard thinks it's his fault. One last "I love you" and they go their separate ways.
Gerard's been clean and sober for two days.
"So, this song, there have been rumors that it's about Gerard Way."
"It's not. It's about my dog. He got run over by a bus."
They tour for Lies for the Liars, and they write more songs, and they party like rock stars are supposed to party. And all the while, Bert's missing Gerard, but he won't let it show. And one time, after a show, Quinn rushes up to him and kisses him and tells him that he loves him, and that's how it's supposed to be, and Bert's happy one last time.
Quinn's not Gerard, but Bert loves him just the same.
(A/N: crossposted to my deviantART. wrote it aaaages ago. but I still like it. ^_^)