Categories > Original > Humor > What NOT to do with Tokio Hotel
*Katie's POV*
Crap, if Bill finds out what Selena did, she's gonna die. Then I'll kill him, someone will kill me, and so on until only one person remains. I'm too young to die!
"Jemand offen diese verdammte Tür jetzt! Lassen Sie mich aus!" Bill shouted from inside the restroom. I couldn't help it; I started cracking up. You would have, too, if you were there. And I apparently wasn't the only one who thought this was funny, because Selena joined in the laughing.
"Shut up you two, or I'm tossing you out of the bus in the middle of the highway," Snake-head threatened, and we knew he wasn't joking. Still, even more laughter erupted. He groaned, and he and his friends began tearing at the dull-silver tape trapping Tranny in the bathroom.
It took about a half-hour, but they finally freed Tranny from the small restroom. A glare was etched onto his face, aimed at Selena and me.
“Which one of you did it?” he growled. Selena and I immediately shut up. “Which. One. Of. You. Two. Did. It?” Bill asked through gritted teeth. Still no response. “Goddamnit, don’t make me ask again! Welches von Ihnen schließen zwei mich in dort ab?!”
“Um, you sorta just did ask again....” I pointed out. The human porcupine death-glared at me. “You don’t scare me, dumbass.” Now all four of them glared. “Okay, I’m scared now. Selena, your turn.”
“Gee, thanks,” she replied sarcastically. I nodded, shrinking into the couch. Four pairs of eyes belonging to four guys who would gladly toss you out of a moving bus, glaring at you, it’s pretty scary. “Why do you think I did it? I’ve been sitting in the same spot since I got on this God-forsaken bus, and I only moved to get my Zune,” she defended herself.
“Uh huh, sure. We believe the girl who added apples to almost every meal, knowing full well I’m allergic,” Bill responded.
“Gott, no one told me you were allergic until two years ago, Bill! I grew up learning that an apple a day keeps the doctor away!” Selena jumped up from the couch, looking up at our older brother.
“Not in my case; the doctor is kept away without any apple!”
“Not my fault you’re allergic!”
“I never said it was!” This went on for a bit. I didn’t feel like listening to the two fight, so I took Selena’s Zune from where she had placed it on the couch cushion, soon finding ‘A Box Full of Sharp Objects’ by The Used. What with the screaming of Bert’s voice, all sound was forced away, but I could still see the two fighting. It was a pretty funny sight; a really tall, spiky-haired, pale guy towering over a dirty-blonde haired teen girl three years younger than him, the girl ready to throw a punch or two at the other’s face.
Soon getting bored, I remembered that I had stuffed a pin in my coat pocket before I left. I was a simple straight pin that Mom used for sewing mainly. Concentrating, I took the pin, piercing the head of the needle through my left index fingernail. All I felt was a bit of discomfort, and a few pairs of eyes on me. Turning off the Zune, I looked up.
“Was?” Snake-head and his blonde friend (I didn’t pay attention to his name) both had looks of disgust on their faces; the twins’ brunette friend was just staring in horror at my fingernail; Tranny looked like he would be sick; and Selena was laughing. “What are you looking at? It doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think, idiots.” I looked at the needle, jutting from a neon green fingernail, and noticed the pale scar on the joint closest to my hand from when I almost chopped my finger off.
“Masochist!” Snake-head shouted, pointing at me.
“Not really; a masochist likes to inflict pain upon him- or herself. This,” I held up my finger, “is painless. So, nein, I am not a masochist.” He rolled his eyes, and the fighting stopped. For now, at least. Suddenly, I thought of something. “Hey, when’s the first stop?”
“Tomorrow, why?” Blondie replied.
“Just wondering,” I said, smiling. He, Brownie, Snake-head and Tranny looked at me suspiciously, in unison.
“What are you thinking of, Kate?” Selena whispered.
“They’re all afraid of spiders, right?” I whispered back. She grinned evilly, realizing my plan.
~~~~NEXT DAY~~~~
The bus stopped at a hotel, which I noticed was right near a mall. This plan was going to be great; malls usually mean pet stores, and a pet store is just what I needed. Anyone get at what I’m thinking of? If not, read on.
“You two can do whatever, just don’t bother us. At all,” Tom said, walking off toward the hotel.
“Okay, we’re going to the mall down the street. Byes!” Selena shouted, walking off.
Reaching the mall, the two of us headed straight for the pet store, and walked to the back. Why the back, you ask? Because that’s always where the best pets are kept, such as pythons, tarantulas, and leopard geckos. I love the pets everyone hates. Scanning through the aquariums the animals were kept in, I stopped staring inside one of them. Inside sat a beautiful spider, a dark blue Cobalt tarantula.
“Psst, Selena, what do you think of this one?” I asked her, pointing. The arachnid crept toward us, checking out the humans bothering it.
“Woah, but I like this one,” she replied, showing me what the sign said was a ‘Mexican Red-Kneed Tarantula’. It sat in its false habitat, I think it was sleeping.
“What if we get ‘em both? Twice the chance for the guys to find them,” I suggested.
“I like the way you think, Katie. Good job.” Selena gave me a thumbs up, and we walked to the register.
“Hi, can I help you with anything?” the greeter-person asked us.
“Yeah, we were wondering if we could get a couple tarantulas. We need them for a project,” Selena fibbed.
“Okay, which tarantulas?” the guy said when we reached the cages.
“The blue one,” I pointed to the Cobalt tarantula, “and the red-kneed one, please.” The dude took a container from the back room and placed the selected spiders inside, placing a cardboard barrier inside. The three of us walked back up to the counter, and Selena and I paid for the two eight-legged creatures.
“They are so gonna kill us!” Selena said once we were outside of the pet store, going to the mall’s food court.
“Yeah, but it’s gonna be so worth it!” I responded.
“True, very true.... Can I record their reactions on my phone?”
“Yeah, good idea! Even I didn’t think of that!” She smiled.
“I may have a few blonde moments, but I still have my genius moments.” I laughed.
“You sure do. And they aren’t just genius moments; they’re evil-genius moments!”
“Oh, yeah!” We high-fived, careful because of our new pets. “Hey, if they don’t kill the tarantulas, can I have the red one?” she questioned, peering inside the box.
“Sure, I want the blue one, anyway,” I replied. We spent an hour or two at the mall, staying until it closed, since we had gotten there pretty late, and browsed the streets. Luckily, Selena had an awesome memory, so she knew how to get back to the hotel. However, the idiots working there decided that no one should be allowed in after a certain time. Meaning, we were locked outside, with two tarantulas.
“Great, no way to get in. How perfect is this?” Selena asked rhetorically. I shrugged.
“I’m gonna call Snake-head, since Tranny’s most likely sleeping already,” I said, pulling my phone out. Dialing the number, I held the metallic green phone to my ear, hearing it ring seven times before someone picked up.
“What do you want? I said not to bother us.”
“Sorry, but the hotel’s closed. It’s either you send someone down here, or we crash in the bus tonight.” I heard him groan, annoyed.
“Everyone else is asleep, and I’m getting ready to go to bed myself. Go in the bus, see if I care.” I think he’s drunk....
“Okay, danke, bye.” I hung up, turning to Selena. “We get the bus!”
“Whoo-hoo!” she cheered, as we ran toward the black and gold vehicle. I opened the door easily, as I had stolen the key from Blondie when he wasn’t looking.
“Par-tay!” I screeched, turning the CD player in the bus as far up as it would go, hearing Metallica blare. Twenty minutes later, I heard Selena scream. Pausing the music, I questioned, “What’s wrong?”
“The-the tarantulas are gone! And I know that they were in the box when we got in here!” she answered, completely terrified.
“Was? You let them out?!”
“Nein, not on purpose! I guess the box tipped over when we were singing along with the CD....”
“Great, Selena, just great. We bought two tarantulas, got locked out of the hotel our brothers are staying in, are stuck in a cramped tour bus, and now said tarantulas are running loose!” I sighed dramatically, throwing my hands in the air.
“If we don’t find them tomorrow, I know the four people who will...” she trailed off, smirking.
“Then we’ll really be dead, but it’ll be worth it!” With that, we high-fived again and locked ourselves in a room we knew the spiders could get into, falling asleep. Though I swear I felt something crawl up my back during the night....
Crap, if Bill finds out what Selena did, she's gonna die. Then I'll kill him, someone will kill me, and so on until only one person remains. I'm too young to die!
"Jemand offen diese verdammte Tür jetzt! Lassen Sie mich aus!" Bill shouted from inside the restroom. I couldn't help it; I started cracking up. You would have, too, if you were there. And I apparently wasn't the only one who thought this was funny, because Selena joined in the laughing.
"Shut up you two, or I'm tossing you out of the bus in the middle of the highway," Snake-head threatened, and we knew he wasn't joking. Still, even more laughter erupted. He groaned, and he and his friends began tearing at the dull-silver tape trapping Tranny in the bathroom.
It took about a half-hour, but they finally freed Tranny from the small restroom. A glare was etched onto his face, aimed at Selena and me.
“Which one of you did it?” he growled. Selena and I immediately shut up. “Which. One. Of. You. Two. Did. It?” Bill asked through gritted teeth. Still no response. “Goddamnit, don’t make me ask again! Welches von Ihnen schließen zwei mich in dort ab?!”
“Um, you sorta just did ask again....” I pointed out. The human porcupine death-glared at me. “You don’t scare me, dumbass.” Now all four of them glared. “Okay, I’m scared now. Selena, your turn.”
“Gee, thanks,” she replied sarcastically. I nodded, shrinking into the couch. Four pairs of eyes belonging to four guys who would gladly toss you out of a moving bus, glaring at you, it’s pretty scary. “Why do you think I did it? I’ve been sitting in the same spot since I got on this God-forsaken bus, and I only moved to get my Zune,” she defended herself.
“Uh huh, sure. We believe the girl who added apples to almost every meal, knowing full well I’m allergic,” Bill responded.
“Gott, no one told me you were allergic until two years ago, Bill! I grew up learning that an apple a day keeps the doctor away!” Selena jumped up from the couch, looking up at our older brother.
“Not in my case; the doctor is kept away without any apple!”
“Not my fault you’re allergic!”
“I never said it was!” This went on for a bit. I didn’t feel like listening to the two fight, so I took Selena’s Zune from where she had placed it on the couch cushion, soon finding ‘A Box Full of Sharp Objects’ by The Used. What with the screaming of Bert’s voice, all sound was forced away, but I could still see the two fighting. It was a pretty funny sight; a really tall, spiky-haired, pale guy towering over a dirty-blonde haired teen girl three years younger than him, the girl ready to throw a punch or two at the other’s face.
Soon getting bored, I remembered that I had stuffed a pin in my coat pocket before I left. I was a simple straight pin that Mom used for sewing mainly. Concentrating, I took the pin, piercing the head of the needle through my left index fingernail. All I felt was a bit of discomfort, and a few pairs of eyes on me. Turning off the Zune, I looked up.
“Was?” Snake-head and his blonde friend (I didn’t pay attention to his name) both had looks of disgust on their faces; the twins’ brunette friend was just staring in horror at my fingernail; Tranny looked like he would be sick; and Selena was laughing. “What are you looking at? It doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think, idiots.” I looked at the needle, jutting from a neon green fingernail, and noticed the pale scar on the joint closest to my hand from when I almost chopped my finger off.
“Masochist!” Snake-head shouted, pointing at me.
“Not really; a masochist likes to inflict pain upon him- or herself. This,” I held up my finger, “is painless. So, nein, I am not a masochist.” He rolled his eyes, and the fighting stopped. For now, at least. Suddenly, I thought of something. “Hey, when’s the first stop?”
“Tomorrow, why?” Blondie replied.
“Just wondering,” I said, smiling. He, Brownie, Snake-head and Tranny looked at me suspiciously, in unison.
“What are you thinking of, Kate?” Selena whispered.
“They’re all afraid of spiders, right?” I whispered back. She grinned evilly, realizing my plan.
~~~~NEXT DAY~~~~
The bus stopped at a hotel, which I noticed was right near a mall. This plan was going to be great; malls usually mean pet stores, and a pet store is just what I needed. Anyone get at what I’m thinking of? If not, read on.
“You two can do whatever, just don’t bother us. At all,” Tom said, walking off toward the hotel.
“Okay, we’re going to the mall down the street. Byes!” Selena shouted, walking off.
Reaching the mall, the two of us headed straight for the pet store, and walked to the back. Why the back, you ask? Because that’s always where the best pets are kept, such as pythons, tarantulas, and leopard geckos. I love the pets everyone hates. Scanning through the aquariums the animals were kept in, I stopped staring inside one of them. Inside sat a beautiful spider, a dark blue Cobalt tarantula.
“Psst, Selena, what do you think of this one?” I asked her, pointing. The arachnid crept toward us, checking out the humans bothering it.
“Woah, but I like this one,” she replied, showing me what the sign said was a ‘Mexican Red-Kneed Tarantula’. It sat in its false habitat, I think it was sleeping.
“What if we get ‘em both? Twice the chance for the guys to find them,” I suggested.
“I like the way you think, Katie. Good job.” Selena gave me a thumbs up, and we walked to the register.
“Hi, can I help you with anything?” the greeter-person asked us.
“Yeah, we were wondering if we could get a couple tarantulas. We need them for a project,” Selena fibbed.
“Okay, which tarantulas?” the guy said when we reached the cages.
“The blue one,” I pointed to the Cobalt tarantula, “and the red-kneed one, please.” The dude took a container from the back room and placed the selected spiders inside, placing a cardboard barrier inside. The three of us walked back up to the counter, and Selena and I paid for the two eight-legged creatures.
“They are so gonna kill us!” Selena said once we were outside of the pet store, going to the mall’s food court.
“Yeah, but it’s gonna be so worth it!” I responded.
“True, very true.... Can I record their reactions on my phone?”
“Yeah, good idea! Even I didn’t think of that!” She smiled.
“I may have a few blonde moments, but I still have my genius moments.” I laughed.
“You sure do. And they aren’t just genius moments; they’re evil-genius moments!”
“Oh, yeah!” We high-fived, careful because of our new pets. “Hey, if they don’t kill the tarantulas, can I have the red one?” she questioned, peering inside the box.
“Sure, I want the blue one, anyway,” I replied. We spent an hour or two at the mall, staying until it closed, since we had gotten there pretty late, and browsed the streets. Luckily, Selena had an awesome memory, so she knew how to get back to the hotel. However, the idiots working there decided that no one should be allowed in after a certain time. Meaning, we were locked outside, with two tarantulas.
“Great, no way to get in. How perfect is this?” Selena asked rhetorically. I shrugged.
“I’m gonna call Snake-head, since Tranny’s most likely sleeping already,” I said, pulling my phone out. Dialing the number, I held the metallic green phone to my ear, hearing it ring seven times before someone picked up.
“What do you want? I said not to bother us.”
“Sorry, but the hotel’s closed. It’s either you send someone down here, or we crash in the bus tonight.” I heard him groan, annoyed.
“Everyone else is asleep, and I’m getting ready to go to bed myself. Go in the bus, see if I care.” I think he’s drunk....
“Okay, danke, bye.” I hung up, turning to Selena. “We get the bus!”
“Whoo-hoo!” she cheered, as we ran toward the black and gold vehicle. I opened the door easily, as I had stolen the key from Blondie when he wasn’t looking.
“Par-tay!” I screeched, turning the CD player in the bus as far up as it would go, hearing Metallica blare. Twenty minutes later, I heard Selena scream. Pausing the music, I questioned, “What’s wrong?”
“The-the tarantulas are gone! And I know that they were in the box when we got in here!” she answered, completely terrified.
“Was? You let them out?!”
“Nein, not on purpose! I guess the box tipped over when we were singing along with the CD....”
“Great, Selena, just great. We bought two tarantulas, got locked out of the hotel our brothers are staying in, are stuck in a cramped tour bus, and now said tarantulas are running loose!” I sighed dramatically, throwing my hands in the air.
“If we don’t find them tomorrow, I know the four people who will...” she trailed off, smirking.
“Then we’ll really be dead, but it’ll be worth it!” With that, we high-fived again and locked ourselves in a room we knew the spiders could get into, falling asleep. Though I swear I felt something crawl up my back during the night....
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