...it's day 2.
(#) HellOnHigh9 2008-12-30 02:47:38 AMLol chocolate balls, reminds me of chef from south park lmao.
Anyways that was some deep dark shit you wrote. That must have been damn hard to get through for Gerard. The last bit about the xanax and shit reminded me of my old best friend she was always switching depression medications and shit because one wouldnt work so she'd have to change to another. I get this story from the Mikey perspective. My old best friend was really sick and shit at one point bad health issues and major mental issues, and it fucking kills you to see them go through that.
This whole getting clean thing is like a massive mix of both because of the physical withdrawl symptoms, you want to give in get rid of the pain and shit while on the other hand your head is telling you not to give up and to keep trying or its telling you the complete opposite like your conscience, you know like when on The Simpsons one one shoulder is angel homer on the others devil homer (lol I am evil homer lol).
Love the moment your doing, I enjoy emotional stuff the drama and angst of everything I thrive on this stuff. This is fan-fucking-tastic so far.
Cant wait for Day 3
Author's responseYour friend isn't the only one who's been through the whole pill carousel. I think for many people the anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds STOP working ... and because they don't know any better or because they're just NEED something they get a new prescription ... and so on. It's fucked really. I know a lot of you are are in England or Australia or whatever, but here in the U.S. "big pharma" is a force to be reckoned with. They've got a pill out for fucking everything and they hand them out like candy. I barely even pop an Advil for a headache now. I'm really happy I was able to sever the pill umbilical cord.
And you're right about the conflicting emotions going on and between those and the actual withdraw symptoms, it really can be hell.
Thanks for reading and for the review, Cat.
- Holy hell - you pulled me right down and then right up again with your quips at the end. How do you do it? You made me cry goddamit. Brilliant writing as always.
Pills are no good - they seriously fuck you up. Probably revealing too much but i think doctors hand them out far too easily. I went through a really bad patch and just withdrew from all the shit (doesn't work for everyone) but it sure as hell worked for me.
Dallas #2, Gerard really showcases what a twisted little fucker he really is. - I loved that,at the end of the day aren't we all fucked up in our own wee way. He's just King Fuck Up. Thanks for the update, need to get new issue :)
Chocolate balls - you guys are hilarious.
Please update soon
Author's responseSorry ... 'bout the crying part. And we're only on Day 2!! lol We've got a long way to go ...
You know, I'll just come right out and say pills are no fucking good too. In fact, I'm going to even say that I'm anti-pill. I mean, yeah, I think there's a place for certain pills (like antibiotics ... when you actually NEED them ... and some people actual do respond better than others to psychiatric type drugs) but people are fucking pill happy here. They think all they need is a pill and everything will be okay. Well it doesn't work that way. You just mask the fucking problem with a pill while your body or your mind gets worse and worse. I'm really anti that whole fucking industry really. They make billions of dollars off of getting people strung out. It's sick.
And you definitely have to get Dallas #2 =D
And glad you liked the chocolate balls part. LOL Since most of these are going to be really dark and depressing, I figure I might as well lighten it up a little in the A/Ns.
(#) iwillstakeyourheart 2008-12-30 09:35:42 AMI did eat your chocolate balls as a matter of fact. They were good! HAHA Where did you get those anyway?? lol
You have a real knack for making a reader really feel it . The whole "scene" in the restaurant and the bathroom was intense.
I can't wait to read Day 3 and beyond.
Author's responseThe chocolate balls ... bulk food bins and the grocery store the other day xP
I appreciate you reading this whole thing.
(#) God_Reads_Ferards 2008-12-30 11:28:37 AMI still find it hard to believe he got clean in only 17 days. It took me FOREVER.
and even now I'm not completely sober. I still dabble in drugs, but mostly w33d and liquor.
I swear, college is going to be my downfall D:.
However, the way you've portrayed it is so wonderfully accurate it makes me happy. And I agree with your standing on the "big pharma". It's ridiculous how they'll hand over pills like candy to people that don't really need it, and turn a blind eye when people fall into the pits of addiction.
All in all, good story so far. :D
Author's responseI think much like Gerard, it was easier for me to not do the drugs rather than the booze. Even Still 3 weeks was pretty miraculous. For me, personally, it was just a sheer test of will. And because I knew how easily it was for me to slip out of reality with booze/drugs, I just knew that I couldn't even allow myself any dabbling. College really was kind of a downfall for me too. And being in the whole "music scene" ... just made it way too easy to get wasted. So yeah, "been there, done that" as they say.
And thank you for the review here (and the one from the 1st part that ficwad so eloquently deleted for me).
All big pharma is interested in is big bucks. And the doctors? Most of them are in on it. Seriously. They get pay offs from the drug companies. It's sickening. I'm just glad I'm "unplugged" from all that shit. I've still go friends though that are on a handful of prescriptions. It's sad. They've been made to believe that the NEED them. They don't really. Everyone gets fucking depressed. It's a fact of life. You don't have to pop a pill every time you feel down. The real trick is finding the thing(s) that can get you out of the situation.
(#) girlinthemoon 2008-12-30 01:59:42 PMOk, lol on the chocolate balls.
For some people it takes a big, hard slap in the face to wake up to what they are doing to themselves and the people that love them. It looks like that is what Gee got. (And you I’m thinking.)
I’ve never been in this situation, thankfully. But the way you write it makes me think I have a better understanding of what really goes through the head of someone who is in that place. Hopefully someone will read this and think twice before going out and getting shit faced every chance they get. Or maybe this will help someone get the courage to sober up. And yes, it takes a lot of courage to change your life.
Author's responseHa! I figured people would get a kick out the choco balls bit. iwillstakeyourheart says that whole thing was the perfect "me" thing though - honest (but a little twisted too), with a dash of snark and a tad of innuendo. LMAO
And you're so right. Sometimes it takes some drastic shit to get you to pay attention or at least take note of where you're at and what you've done to yourself and those around you.
I hope everyone that reads this whole thing walks away from it with something .
Thanks again for the review =D
(#) izziebella 2008-12-30 03:58:05 PMYeah, I started to cry when I read this too.
This was pretty deep. That must have been a pretty dark time for gerard (and you too)I kind of understand what was going on here, 'cause my dad used to be an alcoholic, but he sobered up about idk, 4 years and some months ago.
SO I kind of want to say thank-you for writing this, because I've been really angry with my dad for a while over some of this, just 'cause he couldn't really be there for me...so when I started to read this I felt like "this might have been what my dad was thinking" I mean I saw it, but I guess I was being a little bitch about things and just tried to ignore him.
Okay, I'm gonna stop now before I start crying again. Anyways, Thank you for writing this.
Author's responseThanks, Izzzibee ... all the reviews people leave always mean a lot to me, but especially ones like this.
- oh wow i forgot to comment this and everyone has written big assed reviews :S
i really know how gerard feels right now ugh its too hot to read and write right now its nearly 39 degrees here im in a black pantera shirt and jeans and i was crazy enough to walk around at 2 am in the morning for no reason at all i was thinking you would be crazy to do this haha :D...sorry im rambling ur going to have to deal lol i was reading this and i have a new kitten whos black and we were both lying in the lounge room too bothered not to do anything and i looked at her and i said i know exactly how ufeel meanwhile my light coloured cat is running around
i duno why i had to tell u this i needed to get this out the heats getting to me off to go read the other chapter be4 my brain sizzles
Author's responselol, you know I love rambling =D
- You are truly a genuine inspiration. Your story can't be an easy one to tell, but some of the things you've said about how the tablets stop working have really hit home and I think I need to deal with a demon of my own now. I've 'tried' many times before and not succeeded - largely because I haven't really believed I could and gave up. But this time, I really believe I can.
Thank you :)
Author's responseThat's really inspirational to hear!
And seriously, when I was going through that I did go on the web and look that stuff up (and realized not only that TONS of people were in the same boat but also that the meds do indeed have a high percentage of just stopping working and the docs will just prescribe the next one on the list and so on) and I also went to a couple alternative medicine docs (one was Chinese medicine and one was a naturopathic doc) who really helped me out. I did a lot more detoxing beyond those initial 3 weeks. It wasn't until a couple months later that I went to the alternative people. I think more than anything though, the Chinese stuff really worked on me (crazy tea herbs and acupuncture). What's awesome about those people is they don't just treat symptoms - they try to get at the root problem and fix that. For me, my body was so screwed up from the damage I'd done that once it was corrected, the symptoms disappeared. So yeah, there really is hope out there that you don't have to "rely" on a pill. And of course, there's still things that depress me, but hey, if I can get through something like what I wrote about in "And Through It All ..." WITHOUT pills, I can get through anything.
I believe you can do it too.