Gerard get's cheated on by Kat, a nasty argument ensues and tears are shed. Yet out of the fucked up and shitty situation comes a lovely lesson. Read review for the love of God xxx
Ha just joking I had a flash of inspiration tonight so I really couldn't refrain from writing but a few reviews would be nice (most of them make me so happy I don't even feel the need of my anti-anxiety medication )
Gerard tried to contain his disbelief. The words of Kat’s diary ran rampant in his head:
‘Ryan was amazing; I swear I had multiple orgasms. He was better than Gerard. I don’t know why, maybe it really was because his cock was bigger. Either way I can’t wait until we maybe do it again. I just hope Gerard doesn’t find out’
He felt like tearing the lilac coloured pages to shreds and hurling the diary against the bedroom wall and smashing the room up at the same time. But the shock that went with his bitterness made his muscles paralysed. Abruptly his anger began to threaten coming out in the form of tears, but he wouldn’t allow it. ‘Not over this.’ He murmured to himself. ‘She isn’t worth it anymore. Fuck her. Good for nothing whore.’
At that he heard the front door open ‘Gerard honey, I’m home.’
For a minute or so he contemplated on how to confront her with the information he had gained on her sinful acts. Should he sit there and start crying and wait till she finds him and hope she will take pity and will get down on her knees begging for forgiveness, like she should? Or… should he walk down the stairs and shout and curse at her and tell her to her face that she is a good for nothing bitch? But it was too late for that. He looked up quickly; aware of another presence in the room to find Kat standing just inside the bedroom door hands on her hips looking seriously aghast and pissed off.
‘Gerard what the fuck are you doing with my diary!?’
He stared at her in incredulity for a second and then looked away and shook his head slightly, he felt as if he would let hell break loose completely then but instead he stared down at the floor and plainly replied ‘what are you doing sleeping with other men?’
‘That’s not an answer to my question. Why are you reading my diary? It’s fuckin’ personal!’
Gerard felt the tears well in his eyes but refrained from letting them fall and looking weak. He was determined to get his point across and put up a fight.
‘And I asked why the hell are you sleeping around behind my fuckin’ back!?’
Kat walked over rapidly and snatched the pink leather-bound journal out of his hands
‘Well, if you hadn’t been reading it-’
Gerard knew he was never the sort of guy who could get aggressive or even openly give a verbal attack on someone but then again he had never been in a situation when the one girl he had ever truly loved had tore his heart to pieces through cheating on him.
‘So you were planning on just keeping this a secret yeah? Nice one Kat. Nice to know I can really trust you. Next you’re fuckin’ gonna tell me you never really loved me.’
He could barely even glance at her without feeling a knife being struck into his chest willing him to cry. But for a moment he eyed her. He needed to see her reaction to his words. She looked as if she was going to cry and for the tiniest instant he wanted to hug her and get on his knees and beg for her not to do it again but that he would forgive her and love her. But just as quickly as that urge came it passed and he again felt utter rage.
‘Look it was just- meaningless, nothing. But like I said you shouldn’t be reading it.’
Annoyance washed over him every time she mentioned him reading the diary. ‘It was always the fucking way’ he thought ‘always the same with girls. They do something shitty and then they try to turn it ‘round on you and make you look like the fuckin’ villain.’
‘Hey… yeah, you left it here on the bed practically fuckin’ open. I know fuck it, I shouldn’t have looked. Yeah fuck it, it’s personal. But you fuckin’ cheated. And it hurts ya’ know…it hurts.’
Tears started to trickle down Gerard’s pale cheeks. He wiped them away promptly but he knew they wouldn’t stop. Not till all the fucking venom and anger was out.
He sat up straight and stared at Kat. He wanted her to see the tears, the pain that was pouring out of him. He wanted her to feel crappy. In fact it was almost like his tears at this stage was his love for Kat pouring out of his body and being soaked up until nothing, not even a tiny drop was left. She stared back at him blankly her eyes every now and again flicking around the room.
‘I’m sorry- Gee. Ya’ know I…just…I dunno baby. I love you, I’m sorry.’ She whispered as tears began to fill her own eyes and trickle down her cheeks.
Kat sat on the bed next to Gerard a small distance between them, their eyes both averted from each others.
‘Do you love him?’ he asked hoarsely still choking back the last few tears.
‘No… it was just a one night thing.’
Jealousy then began to dig into him carving away viscously at his pride, the words: ‘He was better than Gerard I don’t know why, maybe it really was because his cock was bigger’ echoed inside his head.
‘So he’s bigger than me?’
‘Just say it Kat let all the truths you never said come out’
He knew he was never really one to worry about his size; well not when he was with Kat anyway. Maybe when he was single he did a little but which guy doesn’t occasionally?
He stared at Kat resentfully. ‘Fuck it, he said out loud to himself in his head ‘I’m not going to let her get by with me just getting riled. She hurt me… I’m gonna hurt her’
He grabbed the diary off Kat quickly, her eyes following him; a curious look plastered her face. As Gerard stood up; diary in hand he began to flick through to the page that contained the explicit recount of the hot sex she had with ‘Ryan’. He began to read:
Last night I met this hot guy at MB’s nightclub, his name was Ryan lets just say he took me back to his and things got a bit steamy. I couldn-’
Kat sunddenly realised what Gerard was doing and began to get up Gerard tried to keep the diary out of reach but she shoved him hard and rapidly tore the diary off him. ‘OUT…FUCKIN’ GO…NOW!’
He gave her one last surly glare and walked out. He didn’t have the emotional energy anymore to carry on. He snatched his car keys off the hook and slammed the door behind him. He was close to shouting out an insulting curse but thought it a little too childish. He got in the car and shoved the keys in and hurriedly started the engine. But instead of driving off in a fit of fury he banged his head down on the steering wheel and cried violently, chanting the word ‘fuck’ over and over again until numbness began to sweep over him.
He drove to Mikey’s apartment knowing that it would be cool for him to stay for a week or so until he could face Kat again to get his stuff. And a lesson struck him on the way. If you were going to cheat on someone you had to be prepared to really, really wound them emotionally and Gerard knew for certain, even as an attempt to get back at Kat, he would never ever do that to somebody he loved.
A/N: I guess I should credit Octoer 2008's glamour magazine as they gave me the inspiartion from their article written by a guy about how it feels like to be cheated on. Then all I did was watch a feel Gerard way interviews to get into the Gerard way feeling and listen to I don't love you and Demoltion lovers and I was ready to write.
While I'm here I might just blog a bit for the sake of it. My group terapy session for Borderline personality disorder was cut short today all because of me. Let's just say I'm a bit manic at the min and cannot currently keep anything serious. So after giggling with my friends in the group about the PG tips advert(I'm actually from good ol' england so americans out there I dunno if you've seen it but it hilariously, fabby fantastic)and commenting on the tree outside and trying to start a discussion on what sort of tree it was I seriously managed to piss the female therapist in my group off. I got many a hug after we walked out of the room of my fantastic tactics of the great excape from the room of tourture. I bet my therapists can't wait for me to hit rock bottom again they probably both agree I'm way, way easier to deal with when I'm brain dead and depressed.
I'm a whole bundle of laughs!
Bob bryar put out this rather amusing video link on the MCR website here is the link:
plus my currently fave advert: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4IahEqXF_o&feature=related
you have to admit it's fucking brilliant!!!!