M-pg. Ferard. (ficwad went stupid so this is a re-posting).
Ficwad went stupid so I had to repost this story. I lost my comments -tear- but what can you do?
Disclaimer: I don't own the band/anything associated to them. I own the story and other characters. That's about all. -sigh-
xo Elyse xo
After having run out on yet another interview from feeling overwhelmingly nauseous, I finally agreed to go see a doctor. So, since we were on tour still, I went to the ER of the local hospital. I really wish I didn't. My mind is spinning and my heart is racing. I think I'm trapped in a dream. It's the only explanation. But, no matter how much I wish it wasn't, I'm not dreaming. I'm just really fucking confused. Confused, anxious, afraid, mad, and of course, nauseous. A whole week of that last one now.
Right now I'm on the couch on the tour bus while the others finish an interview. I wasn't at the hospital long. They seemed pretty sure of my diagnosis. But they aren't freaking out like I am. That's what's really weird. That fact alone makes me believe this is all just a twisted nightmare. Yet, I can't seem to wake up. Instead I just listen to the very faint ticking noise of my watch; thinking of those awful words.
First of all, what the fuck?! I mean, I'm a guy. That can't happen. I know for a fact that I'm a guy and I'd be more than willing to prove it. And I don't mean like sex change kind of guy either. I've heard that happen. A guy has a baby; but it's really because at birth, that guy was a girl. But I've always been a guy. Our bodies aren't built for it. Yet, the doctor was pretty confident in the analysis. He told me not to freak about it; it's becoming more popular for some reason. That also makes me shiver. Why is it happening more often? It's just not natural. Yet I seem to be "showing all the signs". How does that even work? I don't have a uterus, I don't bleed once a month, and I don't have enlarging breasts (I happened to do very well at Health class). I mean I do have the constant nausea and the random mood swings, but I've known to be sick and I'm always changing my mood in the split of a second. I'm so confused.
But then there's Frank; my boyfriend. Aka the father of mysterious "bundle of joy" in this situation. No one even knows we're dating. I mean, there's suspicions, but we've not actually told anyone. We can't stay off each other on stage, but we can get away with it up there. In public, not a chance. That's why we haven't told anyone. For the most part the guys already know it. Ray, Bob, and my little brother; Mikey. They all kinda figure Frank and I are together. Saves us the trouble of having to tell them. So anyway, should this nightmare be true, how the hell do I tell Frank? Or anyone for that matter? The media is already up our asses for one thing or another; the last thing the band needs, the band members need is the paparazzi going completely insane because "punk/rock/emo/pop/alternative', whatever the fuck you label the band, singer, who's male, is pregnant? That'll really cause problems.
Still, Frank has to know. Because if this nightmare is true, I can only hide it for so long. Especially not after the whole nine months. Really can't hide it then. Which also had me confused. How the fuck does this all work? The ER doctor told me to find a specialist. That made me want to laugh. Seriously; a specialist on male pregnancy? You have to admit it makes you want to laugh. But he handed me a card with some numbers on them. Supposedly they help take care of everything to make it easier on the pregnant guy. The thought still makes me shiver.
Right now I'm lying on my back with one arm across my (temporarily) flat stomach; my face buried in the elbow of my other one. This is the only position I don't feel overly nauseous in. I should probably be in my bunk but I'm too lazy to get myself up and in there. The only reason I ended up on the couch in the first place was from the shock of taking it all in still. I just never left it. I've probably been lying here a good half hour now; not moving, just thinking. Just panicking.
"Gerard?" Frank's hesitant voice sounded from the stairs of the bus. Interview must be over. I heard him climb the stairs then walk to me. "What'd the doctor say?" He asked with concern. I didn't bother to uncover my face. I had no idea what to say to him. I very well couldn't tell him the truth; not right now at least.
"You alright?" Ray's voice now. I really just want to be left alone at the moment. "Gerard?" He asked since I wasn't answering. I nodded my head.
"Do you want anything?" Frank asked me while the other two got onto the bus. I shook my head.
"Are you dying?" Bob asked with amusement.
"No!" I snapped, sitting up then standing up. "But I wish I was!" I quickly headed for the bunks then climbed into mine, shutting the curtain quickly while I moved as far to the bus wall as I could to escape them. I had to be alone right now. I could hear them talking.
"What just happened?" Mikey (I'm pretty sure) asked.
"He's not telling us something." Ray said. "I'm worried." I buried my head in my pillow, tears starting to fall out. "Maybe you should go talk to him."
"I think he needs space." Frank said quietly. I smiled a little at that. Frank's the only one who gets me. Who understands what I need and what I'm feeling. I know he agrees with Ray though on my not telling them all something. I wasn't telling them a very big something. Very life altering something.
"All I did was ask a question..." Bob said with a little hurt. I didn't mean to snap; I just did.
"He's just on the edge about something." Frank told Bob calmly. "He would have snapped at the littlest of things." Again, Frank was right. I wanted to be left alone and they couldn't manage that so I would have snapped at anyone who spoke to me. Bob just happened to be that someone.
"I think you should go talk to him." Mikey said to (I'm assuming) Frank. "If I know my brother, he may say he wants to be left alone, but what he really needs is someone he trusts, someone he loves to talk to." Did I mention how I love Mikey too? Well I do. He knows me pretty well too. Like I said, they all kinda know about Frank and I. But then again, we aren't exactly quiet on the bus or in hotels.
"Fine." Frank said with a slight sigh. "If any of you come in or even get close to the bunks though, I'll personally castrate you in your sleep." I smiled again. Frank's always so protective of me. I can't help but wonder if that will change. I mean, this is a really fucked up situation. We're not married, we really don't have a stable home, money comes and goes; how do we raise a child? I don't want to give it up for adoption and I'm still contemplating an abortion (how the fuck does that work?). I heard footsteps again and then Frank's soft, gentle voice. "Gee, babe, what's wrong?" He pulled the curtain back then placed his hand on my shoulder; rubbing it a little.
"I'm a freak." I mumbled into my pillow. I sure as hell felt like one. He withdrew his hand and a moment later, I felt him climb into the bunk with me.
"Gee, what's wrong?" Frank asked me quietly. "Why are you crying baby?" I turned myself around to look into his beautiful eyes. He was looking at me with concern, worry, and compassion. "What did the doctor tell you?"
"You're not going to believe me." I mumbled and Frank smiled, wiping my tears with his finger.
"Try me." He said sweetly. I took a deep breath. Might as well. I mean, if he loves me, he'll stay with me no matter what; right?
"I-I'm-" The words didn't want to come out of my mouth. "I'm pregnant?" I whispered. Frank stared at me with shock. My heart suddenly seemed to sink.