"We're going to be a family and no matter what anyone thinks or says, we'll still have each other and our baby. All we need is love."
"Don't worry about the outside." Frank told me as he grabbed our bags and paid the driver. I got out of the cab and looked at the door miserably. As if I didn't already feel like a freak. "It's for security measures." I could tell Frank was trying to make me feel better. It wasn't working. I was at a fucking research facility. That alone was enough to make me feel worse. "Let's go inside." Frank said with a smile, taking my hand and leading me in.
The automatic doors slid open as we approached, slightly chilled air leaking out. Frank practically dragged me inside because I was in no hurry to go in. I just really wanted to crawl into a corner and die. The inside was strange; it was normal looking. There was a rough brown carpet, like that of a bowling alley, only there weren't any strange geometric shapes all over it. The place smelt like a hospital and I could hear distant phones ringing as though it was. It gave me an uneasy feeling. It made me think it was some death facility or something and what I was seeing was a cover up.
"We're going to the third floor." Frank told me, looking at some signs until he found arrows that led us to elevators; dragging me along. On the third floor, it looked like one of those large buildings that had a bunch of different offices in it. But, that's really all this place was. A bunch of medical offices. "Come on you big baby." Frank said with a slight sigh as he pulled me from the elevator. I didn't want to be here. Why should I move? We came to a door that read 'Dr. Motchi; Male Pregnancy' across it. That too made me want to crawl in a corner and die. It's like, I'm already upset and freaked out about this. I don't want more reminders of it. Frank turned the door knob then held the door open for me, walking in after and shutting the door behind him. "Sit." Frank instructed so I fell into a chair as he set our bags down. "Carefully!" He snapped before going to the receptionist behind the little glass window.
"Can I help you sir?" She asked with a beaming smile. Her smile made me sick. How can someone be so happy about something so strange? Even Frank was partially upset about this. I could tell.
"Way." Frank said. She checked over some list on the computer and nodded, handing Frank a clipboard.
"That all needs to be filled out." She instructed and Frank nodded, taking the clipboard and walking back to me.
"Name." Frank read aloud as he sat. "Gerard Arthur Way."
"Shouldn't I be doing that?" I asked him.
"You going to?" Frank asked with doubt. I opened my mouth to protest but shut it because honestly, I would have just drawn all over the paper. "That's what I thought." Frank said as he put the pen to the paper again. "Birthday; April 9, '77. Age; 30. Spouse; none yet." Frank continued to go down the list, annoying the fuck out of me. "Address-"
"Frank!" I cut him off. "Do it quietly!" I said harshly. He looked at me a little sadly then did so. Now the only annoying noise was the pen scratching across the page. It was a lot better than his voice. I liked this place a little better though because there's no weird pictures or charts on the walls. Just blank walls and a table with magazines. So I grabbed a magazine and amused myself while Frank finished the paperwork. He knows everything about me. But then again, who doesn't? Nothing is personal anymore.
"Wanna check it over?" Frank asked.
"Nope." I said as I continued to flip through the pages. This person is too fat; this one too thin. This person isn't wearing the right dress and that person's shoes don't match the rest of their outfit. It's sickening how obsessed everyone is with the way other people look. Frank brought the clipboard back to the receptionist then returned to sitting next to me.
"Anything interesting?" He asked, leaning his head on my shoulder.
"Nope." I told him with hardly any emotion. I just continued flipping through the thin magazine pages.
"Gee, are you ok?" Frank asked me worriedly.
"What do you think?!" I shot at him unintentionally. "This isn't right! It's not natural! It's-"
"It's perfect." Frank told me, looking into my eyes softly. "Sure it's different," Frank took my hand into his, "But when have you done anything normal?" His smile was infectious and I couldn't help but smile slightly back at him. "That's why we're here. To figure this out. So stop freaking out and just relax for five minutes, ok?" I took a deep breath and nodded. Frank kissed me and went back to resting his head on my shoulder. "Who'd a thought..." Frank said quietly. I sighed and rested my head on his.
"Thought what?" I asked a little miserably. What was it about doctors' offices that make you wait forever? There's obviously no one else around.
"That'd we'd be parents." Frank replied and I rolled my eyes. This was ridiculous.
"Can you not talk about it please?"
"Why not? I'm happy and excited and anxious..." Frank told me with his childish voice. "'Cuz I never thought I would have children since I just don't fit with girls like I do guys." He laced his fingers with mine. "Like I do with you."
"Because I don't like this at all." I told him, taking my head off his.
"You better push that thought right from your head." Frank told me sternly. "I won't let it happen." The door opened right as I was about to say something back to Frank. He's lucky.
"Mr. Way?" The man at the door asked. I miserably stood up. "Welcome. My name is Doctor Motchi. Please, come with me." He said so I took a deep breath and headed for the door. "Are you his partner?" Dr. Motchi asked Frank.
"Boyfriend." Frank said in an overly polite tone.
"Please come too." Frank practically burst out of the chair and headed towards us. I rolled my eyes and waited to figure out where we were going. "Down the hall and to the right." Dr. Motchi instructed so I crossed my arms and headed in that direction. It was an office so I sat down in one of the chairs, Frank sitting next to me, while Dr. Motchi shut the door and sat behind the desk. "Now, I'm guessing you have a few questions for me."
"What the fuck is up with this?" I harshly demanded.
"Gerard!" Frank scolded me as though I was a small child. Dr. Motchi just laughed.
"It's ok. That's usually the reaction I get." He told Frank. "Male pregnancy is a rare genetic mutation that occurs in the body. No one really know why or how. It's been around for centuries but because of it being extremely high risk, it would always result in a miscarriage. However, thanks to medical and technological advancements, we are able to keep the unborn child alive in the male body then have it be born a living, breathing human being." My nausea quickly returned. "Like Kayley." He handed us a framed photo of an adorable little girl who looked about three. "Kayley is mine and my partner's daughter. When he became pregnant, I became intrigued by the whole process and decided to get into the male pregnancy study because, having gone through it myself, I know how nerve racking and confusing it can be for both parents."
"She's adorable." Frank said with a smile.
"Thank you. She's my world." Frank handed the frame back. "It's actually the best way for gay couples to have children. Knowing that they're actually yours; blood and all." He looked at the picture for a moment before setting it back on his desk.
"What do you mean its high risk?" I asked a little bitterly.
"Well as you know, the male body isn't made to have children." No shit. "The mutation allows a temporary organ to form inside the body that acts like the uterus of a woman so that the fetus can grow and survive. However, it's very delicate. You have to be very cautious of what you do because a simple thing as falling down could completely destroy it." I half scoffed and Frank smacked my arm. "Then of course, after the thirty two weeks, there's obviously nowhere for the baby to come out should it survive full term. Male pregnancies require a caesarian, or c-section. Basically, through surgical procedure, an incision is made into the womb that allows the baby to be manually removed." Again nausea because I don't want surgery. "Now, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a singer for a band that happens to be on tour right now." I told him, shocked he didn't know. We only end up in the media all the time for one thing or another. "Why?"
"If you want your child to live, I suggest you leave your tour." Dr. Motchi told me warningly. I just smiled. If I stayed on tour then the whole nightmare would end. That's a good thing.
"Is it seriously that dangerous?" Frank asked a little hesitantly. He's set on having this child. I'm not.
"Yes, it is. I know how your life style works. You don't get adequate amounts of sleep or food plus the exhaustion from always performing wouldn't allow the fetus to last long at all." I just shrugged and Frank sighed. I don't want this. Anything I can do to stop it would be best. "Mr. Way, don't take this information as a means of abortion. If that's what you want, then we can do it medically. Forcing it will only cause your body detrimental amounts of strain. You'll get very ill and possibly die."
"Then how do we do it medically?" I asked.
"We don't." Frank told me harshly.
"This isn't your decision." I told him coldly.
"It's as much mine as it is yours!" Frank snapped. "This child is as much mine as it is yours!"
"I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes to discuss what you want to do." Dr. Motchi said, standing and leaving; shutting the door on his way out.
"I don't want this Frank!" I told him, tears coming to my eyes. "I don't want to be a freak because this isn't natural! I don't want to stop touring and I don't want to be pregnant!" Frank stared at me sternly then put his arms around my neck and pulled my head to his shoulder. I started to cry into his shoulder. Frank kissed the top of my head and just held me for a few minutes.
"You're not a freak." He whispered softly to me. "This is a beautiful thing Gee. Who cares if it's not normal or not natural? Who cares what anyone thinks?" Frank pushed my head up and wiped he tears, looking me passionately in my eyes. "This," he moved his hands to my stomach, "is for us. It's our child; a living, breathing, declaration of our love for each other." Frank slid his hands around to my back. "We're going to be a family and no matter what anyone thinks or says, we'll still have each other and our baby. All we need is love." He pressed his lips gently to mine. "So please don't destroy this."
"You really think it's a good idea?" I asked hesitantly.
"I know it is." Frank replied with a sweet smile. "We're going to have a baby!" Frank quietly squealed a moment later. The joy in his eyes and in his voice made me smile. I was still apprehensive about it all but Frank had his heart set on having this baby. And deep down, mine was too.
"Of course another key factor, which is going to be particularly hard for you, is keeping this out of the media. I'm sure you're already aware of how difficult it is to survive in our social economy as a gay human being. Going public will bring harm to yourself, your child, and all the other couples who have successfully gone through this."
"How do you propose we hide it? It's a little hard when you're famous." I asked a little blankly.
"My suggestion is to stay on your tour until you start to show. At first you can pass it off as simple weight gain, but after so long people will be suspicious when you really don't gain weight anywhere else. Just make sure you get enough sleep, food, and vitamins. Don't travel a lot once you go home though. Just relax and avoid stress."
"What do we tell people? I mean, spontaneously cancelling a show isn't going to go over well." Frank said.
"Unfortunately I can't make that decision for you." Dr. Motchi told us. "You'll have to be creative."
"How long do we have?" I asked him.
"Well after reviewing the information you gave me and contacting the ER in Louisville, I would say you're about seven to eight weeks along. Because you're so thin, I'd say you have a month tops until you start to show." I nodded slightly. The last thing I wanted was to be fat again. "Also by using that information, I calculated that your delivery date would fall around the 27th of January. The best means of doing this is to just chose a date and have the procedure done. Any date in particular?"
"Not really." I looked at Frank who shook his head. "Any day then."
"Alright then. Should everything go smoothly, we'll settle on the 27th. We'll have the procedure done here. I suggest you come around the 25th. We'll have you admitted downstairs then make sure everything is set. Probably early morning on the 27th we'll have it done." I nodded, squeezing Frank's hand a little tighter. It was still freaking me out. "Now, I want you come back once a month for check-ups. Just take it easy and avoid stress as well as over exhaustion. Should anything feel wrong, call me immediately. You might feel nauseous for awhile but that should go away in time. Try eating some regular crackers or plain toast." I really hoped it would just stop. "To answer every couples question, you can obviously still have sex. You could even if you were a woman. Make sure you don't overdo it though. If you overwork yourself, because it's fragile and dangerous, you could kill yourself."
"Thank you." Frank said as he stood up. "For everything."
"My pleasure." Dr. Motchi stood up and shook hands with Frank. "It's really a wonderful thing. Maybe one day we'll get the world to agree." Frank nodded. "I'll see you back here in a few weeks. Remember, call me with any questions." I sighed slightly and stood up, Frank leading me out of the office; a proud smile on his face.
"I'm going to be a daddy!" Frank chimed happily while I crawled onto the hotel bed and to lie down. I was already exhausted and not looking forward to this at all. It was bad enough being exhausted over shows but this baby wanted me to be exhausted all the time it seemed. I laid my head on the pillow and spread my arms over the bed, taking up as much room as I could. My new concern was telling the others. They'll halve to know. I mean, we have to cancel the tour. We'll do maybe 20 more shows before I'll be forced to go home until basically February. Frank climbed onto the bed.
"Stop moving." I mumbled. My nausea finally disappeared and I didn't want it back. Frank straddled himself over me and began to rub my shoulders which actually did feel really good. "Frankie..."
"What babe?" He asked softly and passionately as he continued to rub me. I pulled my arms back to me them turned myself onto my back so I was looking at him. I just stared at him so he smiled then bent down and pressed his lips to mine. Frank's lips were soft and sweet which I loved. Before long, my shirt was off; his following moments later. "Aren't you excited?" Frank asked as he began to kiss my neck.
"I'm many things but excited isn't one of them." I admitted.
"Well I am." Frank told me, moving his mouth to his chest.
"What do we tell the others?" I asked him, a slight moan escaping my mouth.
"The truth." Frank replied, moving himself down then he started to kiss my stomach; sucking lightly and running his tongue over it. "We tell them we're going to have a baby. They'll be shocked but eventually happy for us. We're all family." Frank rubbed my sides slowly as he continued to kiss my currently flat stomach.
"Frank," He sat up and looked at me, "G'off." Frank looked hurt but obeyed. I quickly got off the bed and went to the bathroom where I started throwing up again. Frank came in and sat on his knees beside me, slowly rubbing my back in calming circles. It was going to be a long seven months.