The ‘Harry goes to Australia to retrieve Hermione’s Parents’ has become something of a standard fic-monger’s story, so here’s my version.
- Please please please please please please^i
continue this story!
You hit the nail on the head with the whole OOC Hermione, and handled it beautifully. Harry's loyalty, and the draco comment are spot on.
This could be a great one. And thankfully, not a canon one.
- Lemme get this right - this is a story about how you are (and through you, Harry is) incensed at Hr for messing with the minds of her parents, and somewhere on page two you already have Harry putting someone under a compulsion. I know it's shades of gray, but that's a glaring mistake. Couldn't he instead have placed a glamour on the appointment book to have him "double-booked" by accident? Or a post-it in Mrs. Granger's hand saying "Don't forget Mr. Potter's emergency appointment? Or put the "partner" discussion in a flashback and have the secretary recognize him. As Harry well knows there's lots of ways of manipulating a situation without resorting to cranial invasion.
Bonus points for the Dark City-esque way to make Hr sleep though.
I know this is your idea pile, but this one feels less refined and more full of holes then all the other "chapters" combined - perhaps that's because canon went to shitsville after book 4.
Harry memory charms her because charming her parents was tearing her up? She thinks it's okay to charm her parents but not her because "I'm a witch?" Why does Harry tell the Grangers that all the Weasleys survived?
You know what? I know how to fix this - every problem gone. In chapter two, Chiun is brought in as a relationship counselor. And I demand that Sue Bones calls her husband Bandit because he's one-armed. And Ron tells her he's a "slot machine" because he's a pervert. ;-P
(#) whatareyouevensaying 2009-02-24 11:23:15 PMSuch an effing great idea...pity you turned Harry into an utter whiner at the end. Yes, it's justifiable for him to run off like that, but he wouldn't. Even Kinsfire at his worst wouldn't have Harry run out on Hermione like that. Not that I really have anything against Kinsfire, but he does have the nasty habit of having Harry run away from situations like that.
At any rate...please continue this.
(#) foolishwandwaver 2009-03-05 10:57:16 AMOne of the best one-shots you've written...yet.
I believe that it is entirely possible for Harry to just walk away like he did in your story. After going through all he did, most by other's manipulations and expectations, he indeed would reach a point where it comes down to "this fat and no further". A Great story. Wish there were more like this.