Categories > Original > Sci-Fi > Basic Aptitude
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Basic Aptitude
(#) Amethystasheryn 2009-06-05
A couple things here. First of all, I think with some work you could make this interesting--you just have to make sure that you put new twists on things. I like the idea of the aptitude test (don't you shudder to think what would happen to the kids if someone in government had a learning disability? If the aptitude test is scored against the lowest score of the people in government, that might make things a bit difficult. :) )
But please, make sure to spell-check. If you don't have a spell-check, locate one online. I spotted several spelling mistakes in here that could be easily fixed with a quick check. Also, you might want a beta.
You've messed up on the then vs. than thing. Whoever invented that should be shot ... But that's not something we can do anything about. Anyway, then is used mostly for time (then vs. now, then we'll go, run then jump), and than is used to compare things (more than one, better-than-thou, higher than you, etc.)
Also, I can't stress character development enough here. I think it's too early to really tell if Chandra has character or not, but I just figured I'd tell you--character development is /everything/. You can google character development and see what you come up with to help you if you think you need some aid with that ... Or you could go to www.hollylisle.com and browse there. She has some excellent stuff on character development. I'm not saying Chandra is a Mary-Sue, but you're better safe than sorry.
AsheAuthor's response
Thank you for your review, unfortuantly with this story I lost my muse so I doubt there will be anymore, but one can hope that I might be able to finish it some day.
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