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Categories > Anime/Manga > Inuyasha > Broken

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• Broken

  (#) wazz_up 2006-04-14

  aww she wants to be with him right?? u'd better add that epilouge NOW! and i mean it!! these songs are so fitting, i cant wait to see what u use as the last one.....

• Broken

  (#) InuKag 2006-05-15

  It's cute i like it.. there are however a few verbal confusions.. and repeatative words.. for example... " He pulled her into his lap so that his arms were wrapped around her upper-body but she was looking up at him from his lap" the word lap seems a bit overused there were a few others in this general area.. i have the same problem at times, being that at moments it can be hard to convey an image in your head to paper and form it in a way that the reader can actually understand.

  Author's response

  thats exactly it; i had SO much trouble describing that and other scenes. i must have retyped that sentance like 50 times! AAAHHH!! oh well, at least most people seemed to have gotten the gist of what i was describing...

• Broken

  (#) InuKag 2006-05-15

  It's cute i like it.. there are however a few verbal confusions.. and repeatative words.. for example... " He pulled her into his lap so that his arms were wrapped around her upper-body but she was looking up at him from his lap" the word lap seems a bit overused there were a few others in this general area.. i have the same problem at times, being that at moments it can be hard to convey an image in your head to paper and form it in a way that the reader can actually understand.

• Broken

  (#) InuKag 2006-05-15

  sorry.. i accidently hit submit twice haha...

  Author's response

  nah, its alright. was a little confused, but its allright

• Broken

  (#) InuKag 2006-05-15

  anyways to finish what i wanted to say, I dont necissarily like Kikyo all that much at all, so i really like how you conveyed her to be such a bitchy character... when you had inuyasha tell her off in the way you did it can seem a bit
  OOC but it still works ... i hate it when people make Kikyo the center of his love... she is that past that he never seems to be able to escape... so it was pretty refreshing to see him admit that he didnt truly love her anymore.

  Author's response

  i like how u put that--"she is that past that he never seems to be able to escape...". do u mind if i use that in another fic? that would be an AWESOME line for an InuKag...
  i'm not a big fan of Kikyo either. she's okay, but i hate when people do the "falling in love all over again" fics. ur totally right, she is his past, not his future....although Kags also pisses me off occansionally...
  and i know him telling her off was OOC a bit but i thought of that line to use for another one of my fics and it fit better in here, in that one he would have seemed WAAY outta character.
  thanks for the review(s)!

• Broken

  (#) fruit_addict 2007-04-05

  Nice. The song worked with this one. I forgot to put something in my review of the last chapter so I'll put it in this one. There were a few spelling/grammer mistakes so you might want to look over it.

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