- nice story line so far, i look forward to where you take it...
the only negative is that it sometimes reads like. She did this and then this and she this and that... at times its reads more like a report then an actual story narrative... its something that you need to add a little detail into, otherwise great start.
ps... its a little early but is this a Rose/Sirius?
- An excellent story and quite unique, its nice to see an OC coming back in time rather than one of the regulars. The premise of the story looks very promising.
The detail behind Rose is very good, she is a well-fleshed out character.
Looking forward to more chapters in the future :D
- Good story so far and a most interesting chapter. I'll be most interested in seeing how things evolve now that Harry is attending the same school as Hermione; I rather suspect the bullies there are in for a most rude surprise. You've done a very nice job with Rose and I'll be very interested in seeing what develops for her in this new time.
(#) glrasshopper 2009-05-18Great job so far. This is one of the better time-travel stories that I have come across, probably because it is taken from the perspective of a believable OC.
A point to watch out for though is to not make the kids too magically adept before reaching Hogwarts. Canon strongly suggests that (even for pure bloods) magic doesn't become reliably stable for kids until they are about eight or nine years of age.
Learning the theory beforehand is easily believable, but having a first-year possessing a fifth-year's practical ability isn't. (even if it is Mr Exception we are talking about)
Two questions, though:
Did you realise that Rose's address is an actual real-life address that can be spotted on Google-Maps street view? (house number and all)
Why do I get the feeling that Rose is actually Harry's daughter rather than Ron's? (Ron's behaviour around her, her relationship with Harry, the blood wards actually working at her residence...)
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