Categories > Books > Harry Potter > His Princess

Was it a dream?

by hashimgambit 19 Reviews

flashbacks it may not be exactly what it seems yet.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: G - Genres: Romance - Characters: Harry,Hermione - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2009/06/03 - Updated: 2009/06/03 - 3978 words

Reviews

  • His Princess

    (#) siledubhghlase 2009-06-03 12:50:22 PM

    Don't use asides to the reader (anyway, back to the story). It detracts from your narrative. You need to find a beta--that is, a proofreader. Poor grammar makes a story very difficult and often uncomfortable to read; however, your content is very good.

    I went and read the other "Tony Stark" story and I have to say I like this one better...so far.

    Author's response

    i dont have anyone to help me, so i did the best i can. thank you for your help
  • His Princess

    (#) starboy454 2009-06-03 12:58:57 PM

    so far so good please update soon
  • His Princess

    (#) Chronos_KenS 2009-06-03 01:57:56 PM

    i like what you have so far keep it up
  • His Princess

    (#) zicou 2009-06-03 02:03:45 PM

    Another great one!
    Was it their voices recorded and diffused by loudspeaker?
    Hope to read more soon so.....
    Continuuuuuuuuuuuuue!
    Z.
  • His Princess

    (#) thekev 2009-06-03 02:16:45 PM

    Good start, but you have a few mistakes you should correct.
    the worst one I remember is... Pentagram = five points
  • His Princess

    (#) Cateagle 2009-06-03 07:44:43 PM

    Some good ideas but the first two-thirds of the chapter needs rewriting with more dialog driving things than straight narration; it works better to show the read rather than tell them - it's also way more "challenging". Still, you've got someunique elemsnts here and I'm going to be most interested in seeing hwo matters evolve.
  • His Princess

    (#) michae1ange1o 2009-06-04 05:00:30 AM

    Very interesting story so far, I'm kinda baffled over the Goblet of fire book, but I guess it involves an interesting plotline in itself. The druid wedding I'm afraid was kinda boring, if I personaly was going to write in a wedding, I'd have just abrieviated it to the most important parts instead of the whole shebang. Keep up the good work.
  • His Princess

    (#) axelrajr 2009-06-04 08:25:33 AM

    good chapter, and a decent fic so far.

    but, i am highly unsure about the inclusion of a harry potter 'book' within the fic.
  • His Princess

    (#) vianca 2009-06-04 11:45:01 AM

    Only problem I have is this:
    [quote]"FAVORITE story, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling"[/quote]

    I thought this was a Harry Potter crossover with Iron Man.
    So how can Harry's favorite book be one with him self as main character?
    It might sound strange, but I rather see him read Treasure Island then that book.
    Heck the only book close is Lord of the Ring, and that is way to heavy in writing style (for a kid).

    So, is michae1ange1o right in it being a plot point?
  • His Princess

    (#) animesam 2009-06-04 02:18:10 PM

    I like the idea
    hope to see more

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