I could hear it from amile away. It was like my Ray senses were tingling. About a week after Mikey broke up with him, Ray was alone by the woods in the back of the school grounds. I knew that we shouldn't have left him there. I've got to do something, for hell's sake, I love him more than he realizes. I really fucking am in love with him. Yeah. This is about all you'll hear from me.
I came up to him when he had the gun held to his head. His eyes were closed, and he was about ready to pull the trigger. Where the fuck'd he get a gun from anyways? "No, Ray. Don't. Please."
I was halfway expecting to hear him. He always knows when I need him. You couldn't really hear it in his tone of voice, but when I dropped the gun and opened my eyes to look at him, he looked close to tears. You could tell that his eyes were full of concern. He's always there for me. I let the emotion overcome me and sobbed heavy sobs and he came towards me and took me in his arms.
I have no idea what I was thinking anyways. He was always here. Why didn't I see him? I didn't want to die. I mean, Mikey was my life in the past, but that didn't mean that Bob couldn't be my life in the future. He seemed to realize this as he pet me lovingly on the head. I know how he loves my fro. Ineed to give life another chance, I guess. I don't want to die, I guess. I was just being stupid.
I sank to the ground, still sobbing wordlessly, but words weren't needed. He just held me and let me cry. I held my head in shame. How could I even think of doing this to Bob, Gee, Frankie, and even Mikey? Am I really this selfish? I guess I am.
I sobbed harder as Bob cried soundlessly with me. "I love you," he whispered in my ear. I think Ialways got that feeling from him. I can't believe I didn't get it before now. Ishould've realized it. My sobs were becoming further apart and I looked straight into his eyes, only hiccupping now.
"You mean it, Bee?You wouldn't lie to me now, of all times?" His eyes were brimming over again, and looked at me and nodded seriously.
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't. If I didn't, I would say, 'Ray, come on, someone out there's got to love you.' But well, as long as I know who one of those people is, I might as well tell you. I love you, Ray. Always have, always will." That might've just been the longest statement at a time that he's ever said to anyone. Ithink I could really fall for him. I might already be falling fast.
I took his face in my hands, pressing his lips to mine, keeping them there as our tears mingled together. You can't get aids from that, can you? I don't think so, but right now, I really don't care all that much. All that I was concentrating on was Bob. There's so much emotion to him that I've never seen in him before. All this new stuff makes me think that I never really knew him to begin with. Not like this.
Out of nowhere, he pulled away, giving me a funny look. His eyebrows were all scrunched together like I'd hurt him. "What's wrong, Bee?"
He gave me asincere look. "Do you really like me? Or is this sympathy, because if it is, save me from the hurt later and let's stop right now." I gave him a small smile before kissing him again.
"Bee, there's no way not to love you. You're always there for me, and of course I have feelings for you. I wouldn't kiss you if I didn't. I'm not like that," I said, slightly thinking of Mikey. "I'm still hurt from Mikey, and I love him too, but it's like one of those things where you're so fucking hurt you couldn't go back to them if you tried. If you're patient with me and my being stupid over this, Ireally want to make it work."
Bob smiled at me, rather cutely. "Of course. I'll wait for you, and I can help you get through this. I've been waiting since I've laid my eyes on you. There's no hurt in holding out a little bit longer." He kissed me again, and this time our lips stayed locked.