Nothing bad can happen when you're having a break down, right?
Yay, we're on our way across the states! And we're all tired as hell.
Taylor said THE LONGEST goodbye to Jenn this morning, and then they made out for the longest time, and then I finally told her that we absolutely NEEDED to go. Which was only half true, seeing as just when Jenn left, my parents came to say their fare wells. What a nightmare! My dad gave me a great big bear hug, mom cried, and my little brother Michael gave me his gameboy to play with. So yay! I shall have game time :) Anyway, it's safe to say Taylor was a little irritated, but she shut up about it when she saw her bunk. If you can even call that cubby a bunk. So the bus is huge, right, but the bunks are tiny. We've got a pretty big bathroom and everything, though, so it's all good. We've got a pretty good sized fridge thing, too :) And there's a stove, so Jeremy can make his noodles and Connor and do whatever it is he does. Oh and Gerard can make those delicious waffles of his XD Frank's looking forward to that.
You know what's really weird? We only left about.. 10 mins ago, and already it feels like we've been driving for forever! Mikey says that's part of the whole deal thing, what with us traveling by day and night, performing, and then sleeping and blah blah blah you totally get it right? Right.. Anyway, Taylor's sleeping on the couch in the back, Connor's playing guitar, Mikey and Ray are playing video games, Gerard's drawing, and Bob's sleeping. Jeremy's stinking up the bathroom(have mercy on our souls!) and Maggie is flirting with Frank(big surprise there!) and then of course here I am, writing like the dork I am. Taylor's got a journal too, so I'm not the only one! :) We're writers, you see. We like to document our lives..although hers is mostly just mini stories of what her and Jenn do at night O_O Yeah, she let me read it. I let her read mine, too. It's a bestie thing LoL
Ughh this is so boring!
Oh well.. at least I don't have to drive or anything. Oh! I almost forgot: Our bus driver's name is Filip. He's not a mexican, he's from like Peurto Rico(sp?) or something like that. Taylor would have FLIPPED OUT if he was. She did that this morning when our cab driver, who's name was Jose, said something in spanish. Hm, I think she screamed something along the lines of "Stupid fucking beaners are taking over our country! Speak ENGLISH you retard, ENGLISH!" Yeah.. she woke up all pissy cos of how she slept. Hey, like it's really anyone's fault she fell asleep on the floor with Mikey? Psh.
Speaking of sleeping, Jeremy acted all weird this morning when I woke him up. I was all "Dude, you can't just sleep in my bed and then not wake up. That's rude." He practically jumped up and ran out! I laughed and got dressed and whatnot. Well, actually, considering we're not performing till we get to Portland, I'm just wearing my pj's :) I luff my Stewie bottoms! Taylor's in her Monty Python boxers and a black wife beater. We're the pajama crew XD and everyone knows it haha. Well, Jeremy's kinda part of it, seeing as he wears his boxers everywhere and usually no pants or shirt, yeah.. anyway..
Oh snap! Gerard's phone just rang.. and there's.. yelling.. SIGH Why are women so freaking annoying?! Yeah, I'm admitting that I'm annoying. I embrace it! And I can normally handle annoying people. But his girlfriend? This "Lizzy" or whatever? Can't stand her. If she were here, I'd kill her. Aww, Gerard left the room! Well actually it's not even a room but whatever. He went to the back room and oh! Here comes Connor, looking a little pissy. Hmph! Obviously Gerard kicked him out. Wait, am I seriously keeping track of EVERYTHING that's happening? Oh no, I'm weird! Bwahahaha :)
Right, well, I guess this ends my entry tee hee I feel like sleeping, or making a youtube video, or doing SOMETHING worthwhile. At least until Gerard's off the phone.. Then I'm gonna move in for the attack! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
ADVICE FOR DAY: Fire crotches are earthly being, usually having red or red brown pubes. BEWARE THE FIRE CROTCH! They're horny -_^
P.S. Ray's a fire crotch!!
I close my notebook and place it in my messenger bag, along with my pens, and take out my camera. I turn it on and take a few pictures of the boys playing Guitar Hero 2, then stand up and walk to Bob's bunk. I pull back the curtains and catch him on camera. He grunts and rolls over. I giggle.
"Hey, I'd be careful if I were you," Frank warns, coming up behind me.
"And why is that?"
"Bob's been known to eat camera's. It's true, I swear it," he smiles. I don't believe him.
"Whatever." I close his curtain and turn the camera off.
"Fine, if you don't believe me, just wait till he wakes up. Or, if you dare to try, video tape him while he's awake. If you're lucky, you'll escape with a half-decent camera. If not, well.. Let's just say you might wanna save up for a new one."
"Okay then, thanks for the tip," I smile and toss it up into my little cubby. "Hey, how much longer till we-"
"Oh my freaking God, can't you shut up for one second?!" we hear Taylor yell, and she comes storming down the narrow hallway type space. She glares at nothing in particular and sits down on the edge of her bunk. "Seriously, Amy, I'm gonna kill him." I laugh.
"He wake you up talkin' to his girl?" Frank asks, and pats her on the back. She sighs and rubs her eyes.
"Yeah. And I was just getting to the good part of my dream too!" She pouts and I smile.
"Awwuh, and what part was that?"
"I was in Jenn's room, and we were like, cuddling, and stuff, and then we totally had this awesome make out session, and-"
"I think I know where you're going with this," I interrupt, and she giggles.
"Yeah, but you don't understand! As soon as I was about to eat her, fucking faggot back there woke me up. I'll never be able to get back to sleep now," she whines, and I rub her back comfortingly.
"Aw, I'm sure you'll have something similar tonight, Tay. Don't you worry about that." She smiles and I add, "Just don't underestimate the power of my fist."
"If you moan too loud, I'm punching your boob. We clear?"
"If anything, punch me in the vag, that way it'll make my dream feel more real," she smirks. Frank looks at us like we're crazy, and we crack up laughing. Poor Frank, probably doesn't know we're joking!
"Alright then, I'm gonna go back to Maggie," and he takes off. Taylor looks my way and raises a brow.
"What's up with those two, anyway?"
"Oh, you know.. Just a couple of love birds." I sigh and frown. "I just hope it doesn't get in the way with this tour. You know what happened to that one band, remember? They toured with Escape The Fate, and then there was thing fling between the one girl and the lead singer, and then BAM! the tour ended when they did? Yeah, that would suck if that happens. But then again.."
"I'm sure Maggie will keep that from happening," Taylor assures me.
"Yeah, I sure hope so. I mean, she is, after all, the smart one in this band. She always has a level head." I clear my throat and sit next to her. "Dude, I want sushi."
"Like oh my God, me too! Wait.. Don't you have yours in the fridge?" I smile and hug her.
"You're a genius!" I squeal. I get up and run to the fridge, throw open the door, and search for my beloved fish. I don't find it. "Okay, who ate my fish!" I yell. Everyone stops what they're doing and looks at me. I'm pretty flippin' mad.
"Uh, what fish?" Frank asks. Well of course, he's the vegetarian, he wouldn't eat it.
"I had sushi in here, and it had my name written all over it! I put it on the top shelf just this morning, so who ate it?" I look around and nobody says anything. I sigh. "Look guys, I'm not gonna get mad. I just really need it right now."
"Why do you need it?" Ray asks.
"Well uh.. whenever it gets near that 'time' I crave sushi. And, well, it's almost that time. I know Frank didn't eat it, and Maggie hates anything that smells fishy. Taylor was sleeping."
"Hey Amy, there's the package in the trash!" Taylor calls, pointing to the trash over by where Mikey and Ray were sitting. I squint at them and walk over. I bend down and pull Mikey close, to where if I actually wanted to, I could kiss him. But I don't want to. I catch a whiff of his breath and push him away gently. "Nope." Then I do the same to Ray. No trace of fish breath. Darn it!
"What the heck was that about?" Mikey asks, his voice shaky. I shrug.
"I had to see if you smelled like fish. And, apparently, neither of you do."
"All you had to do was ask, dude."
"And miss the chance to get your heart racing? Psh, never Mikey." I smirk and walk to the back where Gerard is. He's sitting on the couch, head in his hands, the phone on the floor in front of him. I walk over slowly and sit next to him. "Hey, you okay?" He shakes his head and I put my arm around him. "Wanna talk about it?"
He sighs. "It's nothing, really. I just.. I don't get why we're always fighting. It gets tiring, and all it ends up doing is ruining our relationship." He rubs his face. I rub his shoulder.
"Who usually starts it?"
"Well, I dunno really. It's always either something I say that she takes the wrong way, or she insinuates that I'm cheating on her, and then we yell. Listen, tell Taylor I'm real sorry about waking her earlier. I wasn't trying to, Eliza just caught me off guard." I nod. "Man, how in hell did I get myself into this?"
"Into the relationship or the situation?"
"Both, I guess. I mean, I want to love her, I really fucking do, but she makes it so damn hard!" He inhales and clears his throat, almost like he's trying not to cry. "I don't know what to do, Amy, I mean I want this to work. For our kid-"
"She's pregnant?" My voice is just a tiny squeak.
"That's what she says, anyway."
"Is there a chance that she might be lying?" He shrugs.
"I dunno, maybe. I mean we've only done it a couple times." I mentally gag. "But it was all protected, I swear."
"I believe you, Gerard. I just.. What were you fighting about this time? If you don't mind me asking, that is."
"Oh uh, she was telling me about how she might not be able to see us in Portland. I asked her why and she gave me some shaky story about how her friend Phil is visiting, and she promised they'd go out for some drinks." Drinking with a baby. Lovely.
"I see. And you think maybe she's cheating on you?" I know right away that I've said the wrong thing. He turns to me and glares. I swallow hard.
"Weren't you listening? I've never accused her of cheating! I trust her enough to know she wouldn't! I'm just a little upset that she'd rather drink than see me. I haven't seen her in about three weeks, and it's killing me. I just want to feel her in my arms again, ya know?" I nod, not really knowing at all. I mean, I've only dated a few times, and all of them were disasters.
"I'm sorry I mentioned it, Gerard."
"It's okay. Thanks for listening, though. I really needed to get it off my chest." We share a smile, and I remember what I came in to say in the first place. Er, ask, in the first place.
"Hey Gerard, did you by any chance eat my sushi?" He looks at me funny and I feel myself blush. Then I blush even more because I was blushing in the first place. "I, uh, put it in the fridge earlier, and it magically disappeared. Have you uh, seen it? Or eaten it?"
"Ha ha, no. I never really liked sushi after Mikey started eating it all the time. Did you know he can eat his entire body weight in sushi?" I laughed.
"Yeah, I read it on this website once. And how he uh, likes unicorns?"
"Oh yeah, the unicorn thing. He was joking, I think. At least I hope so." He chuckles and I smile.
"Yeah, sure. I really don't think he is. Uh, do you want some coffee? I think Taylor's making some. And it's vanilla." My tummy gurgles and I smack it. Gerard bites his bottom lip.
"I could use some coffee, yeah. Shall we?" he asks, holding out his hand. I smile and take it, and we walk to the front of the bus.
"Hey, you guys here for my famous coffee?" Taylor jokes. I laugh, nodding.
"Good. You too?" Gerard nods. Taylor smiles and hands us both a cup. I grab mine with my left hand and he grabs his with his right. Mikey stands up and walks over to us.
"So uh, what's up with you two?" he asks casually. "I mean, first you didn't get along, then you're friends, and now you're holding hands?" He chuckles, as does everyone else within ear shot. My eyes go wide and I look down, noticing that we are, in fact, still holding hands. I shoot him a look and snatch my hand back. I pull it back so quickly that I end up smacking it against my cup.
"Ow! Mother Mary of Jesus that's hurt!" I set my cup down and massage my sore palm, then glare at Taylor. "Maybe I shouldn't have let you stab me yesterday.."
"Ya think?" Jeremy asks, coming out of the bathroom. Surprisingly, it doesn't smell. What a miracle! "I told you it would have been better if you waited till later. I mean, we still have another day till we play."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
He shrugs. "I dunno. Felt like saying something. Ooh, can I have some of that?" Before I can say no he grabs my cup and drains it. I sigh.
"I'm going to bed," I groan, and make my way to it. I hoist myself up into, using a stool, and shut the curtain. "Ugh, I hate this stupid thing!" I yell in frustration, and I throw my blanket out of my cubby hole. I sigh through my teeth and lay down flat, then groan and kick the wall of my cubby. "What the fuck, I can't even lay straight in here? Ugh!" I pull back my curtain rather furiously and jump down, then walk to the front of the bus.
"Dude dude dude! Aw, come on Ray, you knew I was gonna win! One more round?" Mikey says and the game starts over again. They're playing a weird version of Super Mario. I poor a cup of coffee, sit down next to Frank at the table, and try to calm down.
"So, Frank, havin' fun playing.." I looked at what he was doing. "Coloring?"
"Yep! So, Amy, having fun screaming?"
I sigh and take a sip of my coffee. Mm, vanilla tastes good. "Why yes, I am, Frank," I spit out through gritted teeth. He flinches slightly.
"Jeez, some one's on their period," Taylor mumbles. I slam my cup down and stand up.
"You know what? Maybe I am! And on top of that I'm having a shitty ass day! Ever think of that? My hand hurts, I'm too tall for my cubby, my sushi is missing, and nobody on this fucking bus will cough up!" I screech. Nobody says anything, and suddenly I feel really stupid. I grab my cup, set it down on the mini counter, and walk hurriedly to the back of the bus. Gerard's sitting by the window, drawing. I take a shuddering breath and lay down on the opposite side of him, close to tears. I try to drift off to sleep, but memories from the past come flooding back, and I can't get them out of my mind.
"You'll never amount to anything, Amy."
"You're such a loser, Amy."
"Ha ha you're so tall you'll never find a man. Never ever ever!"
"You're just like your loser father!"
"Fat. Ugly. Nobody wants you.."
By now I'm sobbing, and Gerard is crouching next to me, trying to get me to talk. "Sh, Amy, what's wrong?" I shake my head and cover my face with my hands. I look absolutely horrible when I cry, and I don't want anybody seeing me. Especially Gerard. "Sh sh, it's okay. Come here." He sits by my head and pulls me into his lap, stroking my hair and saying soothing words. At least, I think they're supposed to be soothing. When I lose control of my emotions like this, there really is no telling what I'll percieve things as. After half an hour, more or less, I start to calm down, and my sobs simmer down to nothing more than whimpers. Soon enough, I'm sniffling and blowing my nose with tissues that Gerard gave to me.
"Thank you," I whisper.
"It's okay, Amy. You comforted me earlier, and now I've comforted you. Friends, remember?" He smiles and strokes my hair some more, and I snuggle against him. I'm aware that this is too close, possibly too intimate, but I can't help it. When I'm with friends, I open up a little, and show my softer side. My cuddly side. Besides, nothing bad could possibly come from it. He's comforting me. But something deep inside tells me that what I'm doing is more than enough, that men take things differently.
"Yeah, friends." I sit up and manage a weak smile. I can tell right away he doesn't buy it, but after my outburst he doesn't say anything. "I'm sorry about that, it's just.. I've had a very bad day. My cubby's smaller than I thought and I just.. Well, I get really emotional when it's my uh, month. Or at least, just before it starts."
"I see. So you're..?"
"Yup." I chuckle, trying to hide my embarrassment. I mean, having Jeremy and Connor know when it's my time of month is one thing, but Gerard? He's not that close of a friend.. yet. But then again, I've told a lot of people when I'm bleeding. Why should this be any different? I don't know.
"Well, at least now we know why you've been uh, not so nice, lately, right?" He chuckles, and I recognize that he was trying to get me to laugh. I manage a grin, but it doesn't last long. I sigh.
"I'm sorry, Gerard, I'm just.. I need to sleep." He nods and stands up as I lay back down.
"I'll uh, go find you a blanket," he says, and I point to the narrow hall way.
"On the floor.. I threw it when I got up." He smiles and grabs it, then tosses it over me. I reach up above my head and snatch a small pillow, then curl up. "Thanks, Gee," I say softly.
"Any time, Amy." He walks over to where he was before I'd come in, and sits down.
"Hey, tell Frank.. I'm sorry for yelling at him." He nods and I close my eyes, falling asleep to the soft buzz of the t.v. up front and Frank's girly giggle.
If you didn't feel it, I put a lot of what I actually feel almost every day. Especially the comments. So really, this was a very emotional chapter to write, and I hope you enjoy it, because I know I luffed writing it :)