(#) Col_Hammer 2009-08-29I haven't laughed this hard at a story in a long time, and I've been waiting forever it seems for someone to use Inego Montoya's revenge mantra in a Harry Potter story. Go you!
As funny as this story is, it had some serious parts to it, but you did a good job in making those parts good too.
(#) Wonderbee31 2009-08-29This was a greal little shot here, and would be fun to see a follow up to it. Funnily enough, there were quite a few serious moments here that had me shaking my head in aggreement, like Harry letting Hermione have it withthe pot and kettle comment, and Hermione getting it finally, something I never really saw in the canon. Loved the idea of her seeing Luna giving the thumbs up on the Thestrals, and then her and Luna letting the DE's have it but good. Would be great to see a small follow up in the future.
(#) fic_reader1 2009-08-29there are a lot of ways that you could take this I mean is ron going to get his because he persumably used the love pottion on hermione. will this change harrys out look on things. is this going to be a h/h or a h/h/L hell this could be a full blowen long story here is to hopeing you continue this great start.
- I would like to see this continued; preferably with the same tone as what has already been written.
I would offer one suggestion, though. I think Hermione's infatuation with Worthless should be due to hormones and monumentally bad judgment on her part instead of nefarious actions on Ron's. Ron is already worthless as is. There's no need to make him a criminal on top of that.
Author's responseGlad you liked it. I've left it very ambiguous as to whether any love potions were used by anyone other than Romilda. As Hermione realised herself, she had no proof of any being used, and only suspicions. I think it's best to leave things that way as well, and readers can come to whatever conclusions they prefer.
(#) wordhammer 2009-08-29This was fun and enjoyably light on the unneeded scenes. If any further development was wanted, I would recommend only an epilogue to explain any nifty differences that you'd like to play out. Hermione's dosing I would attribute to Ginny trying to direct her away from Harry as her relationship with him is the greatest threat to her master scheme- if Ron had used a potion on Hermione, he wouldn't have been bothering with Lavender.
I have actually seen a reference to the Inigo Montoya bit in the chemprof story on ff.net called 'Hermione's Plan', though Harry didn't actually say it to Voldemort; he just teased Hermione that he was going to do so. Excellent usage, nonetheless!
(#) whatareyouevensaying 2009-08-29Pretty enjoyable story you've written here, but I do have just a bit of constructive criticism for you.
Early on, Harry reasons that Hermione should have expressed an interest in Ron. Well, she DID ask him to Slughorn's party, blushing all the while. Ron didn't snog Lavender until Ginny teased him about his never having kissed a girl.
The other thing was just that the ending felt rushed. I think you could have fleshed the Department of Mysteries scene out a bit better. That, and the "Princess Bride" line seemed out of place.
Hope you continue writing!
Author's responseHi Ivan, Actually, I'm glad for any constructive criticisms I can get. Lord knows I'm probably my own worst criic at times! :D It seems I can stare at a story for weeks, and it's only 10 minutes after posting I spot a typo or an error. For instance, Harry muses about having to vanquish Voldemort before he's even heard the prophecy.. (I've changed it to Voldemort constantly trying to; "it wasn't like he could expect a long and happy life when Voldemort kept trying to kill him." in the version I posted to my group)
You're right about Hermione having invited Ron, but he didn't reply to her, and she didn't pursue the matter with him. As for Ron snogging Lav, as you said, that started almost straight after Ginny rounded on him after Ron (& Harry) caught her and Dean snogging IIRC.
I agree about the ending feeling a bit rushed. That's really due to my intending to write more of the story, but then realising I'd probably written all I needed to as far as the original plot was concerned.
I did wonder whether to include Inigo's line, as I completely agree with you about it seeming a little out of place. In the end I went with it as I had already gone with making the story a parody by including so many of the tvtropes cliches, including; lampshading, virgin superpowers, phlebotinum, etc.
Anyway, if yourself or someone else would like to collaborate on a revised/extended version I'd be interested.
- A great little one shot, one that deserves a follow up story. I think now that Harry has found his confindence, you could make him a little more independent of Fumblebore, but not a complete break. Keep him at Hog's, but make him into a strong and charasmatic leader, who is willing to do what ever it takes to get the job done...someone who'll study and train hard, but not push his friends away.
You probably don't have to use the old Horcrux story, as you never alluded to what Dumbledore was looking for on the night he was killed.
You've created a good oneshot, that would make an excellent fic.
Good job. I agree with most of the above. This deserves a few snapshot oneshots or something. Just give us a bit of a feel for the brave new cauldron-free, prescient-Hermy&Luna world of yours. Just, you know, like literary m&m's?
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