Franks in love with Gerard, he thinks he has his feelings under control but then he just breaks down.
I closed my eyes, I couldn’t be thinking this I just couldn’t, first of it was wrong because Gerard was with Lyn-Z, secondly I was sure my feelings weren’t mutual so my thoughts were torturing me, the thoughts of Gerard not Gerard as my best friend, but Gerard as my lover.
I was lying in my bed, giving myself a headache from all the Gerard related thinking and I felt a tear run down my face, I wiped the tear away in utter frustrating, but the frustrating only caused the tears to fall down my face faster, I could do nothing but surrender myself to my emotions and I curled myself up clenching on to my misfits hoodie softly crying.
Earlier that evening they’d been playing a show, frank playing guitar with all his passion and being all over the stage, being a danger to himself and also being a bit of a danger to his band mates, they could never anticipated were Frank would be and while playing there instruments or singing they had to also watch out for Frank knowing he wasn’t capable of watching out for them.
It wasn’t like Frank didn’t wanna watch out, make sure that his best friends didn’t get hurt, It was just that he couldn’t when he played the guitar everything became a blur and he would just play; be in the moment not being able to pay attention to anything or anyone.
That night he had hurt someone, but this time he didn’t hurt someone because he was playing the guitar with all the passion he had inside of him, no that wasn’t it there was only one thing he felt more passionate about then playing guitar and that was Gerard and when Gerard came standing next to him there faces touching he was caught off guard.
Sure they’d done such things on stage before and Frank always felt weak to his knees and stomach after Gerard and he shared moments like that, sometimes he had to actually go lay down playing his guitar. Everyone thought that was just the passion he played guitar with and sometimes that was true, but most of the time he lay on the ground playing because his knees were too weak to carry him when he was near Gerard.
Usually he would be the one to come toward Gerard, he could prepare for that moment, it wasn’t like that this time Gerard was suddenly there his tongue sliding from franks neck towards his lips and then their lips softly colliding and Frank was dazzled and he’s enjoying this in a way he shouldn’t; he turns away quickly forgetting the guitar is still in his hand, slamming Gerard in the hip and he’s see’s Gerard’s eyes reflecting pain for just a very short moment and then Gerard smiles at him and Frank’s dazzled even more seeing that beautiful smile and his heart melts; and feels he knees weakening and lets himself fall on his knees trying really hard to not completely forget how to play guitar, to play the song and he closes his eyes and tries to just fucking focus on the music, he needs to lay down and now he’s lying on the ground playing his guitar and he can focus just enough to get the right notes out.
And now I was in my hotel room crying curled up with a pillow pressed against my face muffling the sound of my crying and couldn’t help letting my thoughts wonder of to the previous night, the way Gerard’s tongue slid across my face the scent of Gerard the most delicious scent I have ever smelled, a mixture of coffee, cigarettes and something else that I couldn’t quit place, the best definition would probably be Gerard, just Gerard and oh god the way he tasted when our lips touched, was it possible that he tasted even better than he smelled? And his face so perfect, so gorgeous and his body matching his perfect face and no he couldn’t be thinking this! fuck I couldn’t be feeling this!
This was becoming too much to handle, I had always liked Gerard as so much more than a friend, Gerard always had this dazzling effect on me, but at the same time I’ve always known that he doesn’t feel the same way and I never told him, I just tried to be close to him and with our stage-flirting I was able to handle not being with Gerard for real or so I kept telling myself, but why did I feel so dead on the inside? I couldn’t do it anymore and I can’t stop my own fucking crying. Fuck! Fuck!