Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Lost Music Inside
Thank you guys for taking interest in this. I have to say, I’m growing quite fond of it. Hope you are too xoxo*
~~~
When yesterday’s sun was halfway down, and Desirae knew it was imperative she get home, she said her goodbyes to Shanna, but Bob was nowhere to be seen. Not that she expected him to be. She figured he still felt uneasiness after seeing her in backyard, she could only hope he wouldn’t hold that against her.
With her head held high, and inhales of deep breaths her body prepared itself for physical hurt, and she knew her dad would not be happy when she had arrived home. She tried her hardest to think of a good excuse that could possibly get her off the hook for just one night. She would make up anything as long as she didn’t have to hear angry words spewed at her. Desirae reached her front steps, familiar nervousness went through her veins and she said a quick prayer to set her soul at ease. With a swift movement of he wrist, the door was pushed open and her feet began to walk across the hardwood floor.
“Where the hell have you been?” Her father’s voice boomed. Desirae’s heart pounded in her head, and she did her best to keep her balance as his glare was stared directly at her green eyes. She shivered in a such a way.
“I had to stay after school for English class.”
“Don’t lie to me!” He balled his fists.
“I swear! I promise, my teacher asked to stay and help with the classroom. It won’t happen again.” Her voice squeaked. Her father’s fist unclenched when gave a sharp nod.
“You make sure of that.” He muttered and walked away. Desirae immediately sighed a breath of relief and held her hand to her chest.
“Thank you God.” She whispered before quickly running into her room and falling onto her bed and recalled what she could of her visit at Bob’s house. She had only seen the kitchen and the living room, but that was enough to hold her on a string. But one thing that really caught her attention was not only Bob. But Rosalina. Her features were angelic, and her voice was soft like summer rain, but in her eyes she could see worry and even…guilt. How Desirae knew that, it was because she wore the same look everyday of her life…That was the night Desirae had dreamt of the beautiful but troubled Rosalina…
~~~
Next day
Desirae sat in the classroom waiting for instructions to be told. It was a surprise to her when the class began to move, and a figure stood by her desk.
“So how exactly do you know my little sister?” She looked up into his blue eyes that were filled with nothing but curiosity and…amusement? That was new.
“About that…” She muttered nervously.
“I’m just wondering since Shanna couldn’t seem to stop talking about her future tea parties, with her favorite guest.” He raised an eyebrow and she blushed.
“Its just a long story.” She began to put it off, but when Bob had taken the seat in front of her, she knew she wasn’t getting out it so fast.
“While class just started, I think we have time.” He retorted and she nodded and began to explain her first encounter with Shanna. He seemed to frown when she mentioned the other girls and how they had a hobby for picking on her.
“So that’s how we started our bond. I wanted to tell you, I just…” She trailed off.
“I’ll admit I was surprised when I saw you sitting in my backyard.” He smiled.
“I know and I apologize, Shanna wanted to come over, and I just couldn’t say no.” She smiled.
“She can be a charmer when she wants to be.” He admitted.
“She’s a sweet girl.” She replied and he nodded.
“Have umm…those girls been bugging her still…?” Bob asked quietly. Desirae had the feeling he truly didn’t know what was going on in his little sister’s life. She had assumed he knew something of it. That obviously wasn’t the case.
“Not that I know of.” She shrugged. He nodded with a small huff and she bit her lip hoping she hadn’t upset him.
“That’s not the first time.” He muttered and she looked up.
“With what?” She replied softly.
“Shanna had trouble at her other school.”
“With bullies…?” He nodded.
“I thought it stopped…apparently not.” He retorted and Desirae rubbed her hands together.
“Maybe she’s just embarrassed.” She added, fully knowing the real answer that made her heartbroken. Shanna was afraid he wouldn’t care. But she wouldn’t tell him that.
“Maybe.” He sighed and looked away, leaving her to frown.
“If it helps, I’m her walking home buddy.” She put in. He raised an eyebrow again and she rolled her eyes in embarrassment.
“I forgot to tell you that, didn’t I?” He nodded.
“Seems you’re closer than I thought.”
“I guess.” She smiled.
“She needs it, the umm…bond.” He nodded and even if that statement made her giddy inside, she could still see the regret and pain in his eyes. It was then she had wished he never brought the whole conversation up. She knew it was best if they just focused on the school subject and give him some time. In a way she had wished she knew the exact relationship that the siblings shared. She only knew half of it, but it couldn’t be all of it could it?
“Miss Amato and Mr. Bryar. Folders please?” Mr. Angell had appeared and with a shaky hand, Desirae had handed him the blue folder, memorizing every word that was in there. It hardly ever changed. She eyed the red folder with curiosity and watched Mr. Angell take it away, making her wonder through out the entire time period. It was only when a paper plane infamously hit her back making her sigh in exasperation as Joey’s laughter filled the air once more. She shook it off, but could feel Bob’s eyes on her and she looked down not daring to look back up. Her back stretched to ease the tension in the middle of her spine. She was surprised she had not bruised from the constant paper attacks. She was used to the unkindness of her peers and the hate they seemed to direct at her. It wasn’t a fair situation, but Desirae had felt that maybe they were right about her. Maybe that’s why she never had the courage to stick up for herself when it mattered most. She never had to fight, she was always forced. Deep down a hatred began to build as she it focused on particular person who ruined everything…her father. She could safely say she had blamed him for not teaching her the ways of living. He had destroyed them and it was too late to start over or even change the past. It was behind her, yet it mocked everyday of her life. It was a part of her that she was doomed to forget. It had killed her to wonder if her heart would be forever torn.
“Desirae? Desirae.” She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to see Bob waving his hand in her face, and noticed the students walking out.
“Umm class is over.” He muttered and she got up flushed and closed her eyes for a brief moment. When they left the classroom he suddenly turned to her.
“Make sure my sister gets home safe?” He gave a soft smile. She nodded and smiled back.
“Of course.” She replied and he nodded.
“See you later.” He gave another small wave and turned the opposite direction and she turned on her heels, glad to fulfill his request. She reached the gates and just when she was about to leave when someone shouted her name.
“Desirae!” She turned her head to see Joey and Lance Davis pointing at a build board with a peach on it.
“Nice ass!” He called and they walked off leaving several students to point and laugh. She shook her head and walked away counting the days until she would leave this place…
~~~
“And then Martha said she should be leader because she’s the prettiest, and Alexandra began to pull her hair, so my team got in trouble! I didn’t even do anything but me and Sarah got punished!” Shanna pouted. Desirae put an arm around her shorter frame to comfort her. It seemed such a big issue for a person such her age, Desirae smiled when she was that age, and when everything seemed so innocent. If only she just could go back into time for one moment to feel normal again. It was impossible, because she knew was far from normal.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’re teacher will see what good student you are.” She encouraged.
“Not really, Mrs. Garlin hates children.”
“If she hated children, do you think she’d be a teacher?” Desirae smiled. Shanna nodded, ready to differ.
“Yes! So she could be mean to them!” She retaliated. Desirae shook her head.
“All in time Shanna, all in time.” She replied and they walked home in a smile as Shanna explained her theories on why Mrs. Garlin would be a teacher. Again with the imagination.
“Shanna can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” The little girl nodded, excited for a new topic. Desirae shrugged.
“Where does Rosalina come from?” She said softly.
“She comes from Georgia. Her family passed a long time ago. My father hired to care of us and my mother while he works. She’s not much of a talker, but she’s real helpful.”
“How long has she been your nanny?”
“Two years. She was hired a week she came out here.”
“Georgia huh?” Desirae smiled at the thought of Rosalina. She had been nothing but kind to her when she came over.
“She can’t been seen outside sometimes.” Shanna added.
“Why not?”
“Some people don’t like colored people. They treat her differently.”
“Because of her skin? I don’t understand.” Desirae asked incredulously. She would never thought Rosalina was spotted as outsider. She envisioned her with a nice handsome boyfriend who brought her roses when she went home.
“Haven’t you heard? The whole town is mean to colored people. My father is the only one who would hire her.”
“But Rosalina is such a sweet lady, I don’t know why skin color should matter.” Desirae frowned. It never occurred to her that the town had looked down upon different skin. She must’ve missed out on a lot of things for being home all the time.
“I don’t know why either.” Shanna shook her head and they continued to walk down the dirt road in a calm silence as their feet collided with the dirt. The presence of each other was enough to keep them satisfied. They eventually reached the house and Shanna turned with a smiled and wrapped her arms around Desirae’s waist, leaving Desirae to feel a warm sensation and hug the small girl back.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asked.
“Absolutely.” She replied and Shanna smiled once more.
“Will you tell Rosalina I said hi?” She asked and Shanna nodded happily and waved before running up the porch stairs and watching her close the door. She began to move her feet and when she glided her fingers a long the fence of the houses. When she turned back he was there watching her and he smiled at her. She smiled back, wishing she could anything to keep him smiling. She went home in a daze and sat down at the river. She grabbed her trusted notebook and wrote down things that were completely unfamiliar to her about Rosalina. When she put her book away in its designated spot. She said a quick prayer and left back towards her house and Bob’s smile had put her heart at ease. She relished the moments she had gotten to spend with him and his smile stayed with her the rest of the night. Not even her father could take away the peace she was beginning to find with her new best friend and the boy with the blue eyes, and their nanny. If only her prayer would be answered and she could hopefully one day find peace within the most important part…herself.
~~~
When yesterday’s sun was halfway down, and Desirae knew it was imperative she get home, she said her goodbyes to Shanna, but Bob was nowhere to be seen. Not that she expected him to be. She figured he still felt uneasiness after seeing her in backyard, she could only hope he wouldn’t hold that against her.
With her head held high, and inhales of deep breaths her body prepared itself for physical hurt, and she knew her dad would not be happy when she had arrived home. She tried her hardest to think of a good excuse that could possibly get her off the hook for just one night. She would make up anything as long as she didn’t have to hear angry words spewed at her. Desirae reached her front steps, familiar nervousness went through her veins and she said a quick prayer to set her soul at ease. With a swift movement of he wrist, the door was pushed open and her feet began to walk across the hardwood floor.
“Where the hell have you been?” Her father’s voice boomed. Desirae’s heart pounded in her head, and she did her best to keep her balance as his glare was stared directly at her green eyes. She shivered in a such a way.
“I had to stay after school for English class.”
“Don’t lie to me!” He balled his fists.
“I swear! I promise, my teacher asked to stay and help with the classroom. It won’t happen again.” Her voice squeaked. Her father’s fist unclenched when gave a sharp nod.
“You make sure of that.” He muttered and walked away. Desirae immediately sighed a breath of relief and held her hand to her chest.
“Thank you God.” She whispered before quickly running into her room and falling onto her bed and recalled what she could of her visit at Bob’s house. She had only seen the kitchen and the living room, but that was enough to hold her on a string. But one thing that really caught her attention was not only Bob. But Rosalina. Her features were angelic, and her voice was soft like summer rain, but in her eyes she could see worry and even…guilt. How Desirae knew that, it was because she wore the same look everyday of her life…That was the night Desirae had dreamt of the beautiful but troubled Rosalina…
~~~
Next day
Desirae sat in the classroom waiting for instructions to be told. It was a surprise to her when the class began to move, and a figure stood by her desk.
“So how exactly do you know my little sister?” She looked up into his blue eyes that were filled with nothing but curiosity and…amusement? That was new.
“About that…” She muttered nervously.
“I’m just wondering since Shanna couldn’t seem to stop talking about her future tea parties, with her favorite guest.” He raised an eyebrow and she blushed.
“Its just a long story.” She began to put it off, but when Bob had taken the seat in front of her, she knew she wasn’t getting out it so fast.
“While class just started, I think we have time.” He retorted and she nodded and began to explain her first encounter with Shanna. He seemed to frown when she mentioned the other girls and how they had a hobby for picking on her.
“So that’s how we started our bond. I wanted to tell you, I just…” She trailed off.
“I’ll admit I was surprised when I saw you sitting in my backyard.” He smiled.
“I know and I apologize, Shanna wanted to come over, and I just couldn’t say no.” She smiled.
“She can be a charmer when she wants to be.” He admitted.
“She’s a sweet girl.” She replied and he nodded.
“Have umm…those girls been bugging her still…?” Bob asked quietly. Desirae had the feeling he truly didn’t know what was going on in his little sister’s life. She had assumed he knew something of it. That obviously wasn’t the case.
“Not that I know of.” She shrugged. He nodded with a small huff and she bit her lip hoping she hadn’t upset him.
“That’s not the first time.” He muttered and she looked up.
“With what?” She replied softly.
“Shanna had trouble at her other school.”
“With bullies…?” He nodded.
“I thought it stopped…apparently not.” He retorted and Desirae rubbed her hands together.
“Maybe she’s just embarrassed.” She added, fully knowing the real answer that made her heartbroken. Shanna was afraid he wouldn’t care. But she wouldn’t tell him that.
“Maybe.” He sighed and looked away, leaving her to frown.
“If it helps, I’m her walking home buddy.” She put in. He raised an eyebrow again and she rolled her eyes in embarrassment.
“I forgot to tell you that, didn’t I?” He nodded.
“Seems you’re closer than I thought.”
“I guess.” She smiled.
“She needs it, the umm…bond.” He nodded and even if that statement made her giddy inside, she could still see the regret and pain in his eyes. It was then she had wished he never brought the whole conversation up. She knew it was best if they just focused on the school subject and give him some time. In a way she had wished she knew the exact relationship that the siblings shared. She only knew half of it, but it couldn’t be all of it could it?
“Miss Amato and Mr. Bryar. Folders please?” Mr. Angell had appeared and with a shaky hand, Desirae had handed him the blue folder, memorizing every word that was in there. It hardly ever changed. She eyed the red folder with curiosity and watched Mr. Angell take it away, making her wonder through out the entire time period. It was only when a paper plane infamously hit her back making her sigh in exasperation as Joey’s laughter filled the air once more. She shook it off, but could feel Bob’s eyes on her and she looked down not daring to look back up. Her back stretched to ease the tension in the middle of her spine. She was surprised she had not bruised from the constant paper attacks. She was used to the unkindness of her peers and the hate they seemed to direct at her. It wasn’t a fair situation, but Desirae had felt that maybe they were right about her. Maybe that’s why she never had the courage to stick up for herself when it mattered most. She never had to fight, she was always forced. Deep down a hatred began to build as she it focused on particular person who ruined everything…her father. She could safely say she had blamed him for not teaching her the ways of living. He had destroyed them and it was too late to start over or even change the past. It was behind her, yet it mocked everyday of her life. It was a part of her that she was doomed to forget. It had killed her to wonder if her heart would be forever torn.
“Desirae? Desirae.” She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to see Bob waving his hand in her face, and noticed the students walking out.
“Umm class is over.” He muttered and she got up flushed and closed her eyes for a brief moment. When they left the classroom he suddenly turned to her.
“Make sure my sister gets home safe?” He gave a soft smile. She nodded and smiled back.
“Of course.” She replied and he nodded.
“See you later.” He gave another small wave and turned the opposite direction and she turned on her heels, glad to fulfill his request. She reached the gates and just when she was about to leave when someone shouted her name.
“Desirae!” She turned her head to see Joey and Lance Davis pointing at a build board with a peach on it.
“Nice ass!” He called and they walked off leaving several students to point and laugh. She shook her head and walked away counting the days until she would leave this place…
~~~
“And then Martha said she should be leader because she’s the prettiest, and Alexandra began to pull her hair, so my team got in trouble! I didn’t even do anything but me and Sarah got punished!” Shanna pouted. Desirae put an arm around her shorter frame to comfort her. It seemed such a big issue for a person such her age, Desirae smiled when she was that age, and when everything seemed so innocent. If only she just could go back into time for one moment to feel normal again. It was impossible, because she knew was far from normal.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’re teacher will see what good student you are.” She encouraged.
“Not really, Mrs. Garlin hates children.”
“If she hated children, do you think she’d be a teacher?” Desirae smiled. Shanna nodded, ready to differ.
“Yes! So she could be mean to them!” She retaliated. Desirae shook her head.
“All in time Shanna, all in time.” She replied and they walked home in a smile as Shanna explained her theories on why Mrs. Garlin would be a teacher. Again with the imagination.
“Shanna can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” The little girl nodded, excited for a new topic. Desirae shrugged.
“Where does Rosalina come from?” She said softly.
“She comes from Georgia. Her family passed a long time ago. My father hired to care of us and my mother while he works. She’s not much of a talker, but she’s real helpful.”
“How long has she been your nanny?”
“Two years. She was hired a week she came out here.”
“Georgia huh?” Desirae smiled at the thought of Rosalina. She had been nothing but kind to her when she came over.
“She can’t been seen outside sometimes.” Shanna added.
“Why not?”
“Some people don’t like colored people. They treat her differently.”
“Because of her skin? I don’t understand.” Desirae asked incredulously. She would never thought Rosalina was spotted as outsider. She envisioned her with a nice handsome boyfriend who brought her roses when she went home.
“Haven’t you heard? The whole town is mean to colored people. My father is the only one who would hire her.”
“But Rosalina is such a sweet lady, I don’t know why skin color should matter.” Desirae frowned. It never occurred to her that the town had looked down upon different skin. She must’ve missed out on a lot of things for being home all the time.
“I don’t know why either.” Shanna shook her head and they continued to walk down the dirt road in a calm silence as their feet collided with the dirt. The presence of each other was enough to keep them satisfied. They eventually reached the house and Shanna turned with a smiled and wrapped her arms around Desirae’s waist, leaving Desirae to feel a warm sensation and hug the small girl back.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asked.
“Absolutely.” She replied and Shanna smiled once more.
“Will you tell Rosalina I said hi?” She asked and Shanna nodded happily and waved before running up the porch stairs and watching her close the door. She began to move her feet and when she glided her fingers a long the fence of the houses. When she turned back he was there watching her and he smiled at her. She smiled back, wishing she could anything to keep him smiling. She went home in a daze and sat down at the river. She grabbed her trusted notebook and wrote down things that were completely unfamiliar to her about Rosalina. When she put her book away in its designated spot. She said a quick prayer and left back towards her house and Bob’s smile had put her heart at ease. She relished the moments she had gotten to spend with him and his smile stayed with her the rest of the night. Not even her father could take away the peace she was beginning to find with her new best friend and the boy with the blue eyes, and their nanny. If only her prayer would be answered and she could hopefully one day find peace within the most important part…herself.
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