Why the fuck did I have to be a doctor? Why the fuck did those kids at school have to beat her up? Why did that fucking bus have to hit her?
Everything would be better if I'd never met her!
I know we only kissed, but if anyone found out about that, my ass would be out of here before I could say 'sorry'. So many people frown upon doctors seeing their patients, that it's become illegal.
That doesn't matter though. It doesn't matter if she wasn't my patient or that she was underage. If she was legal and patient to another doctor, I still shouldn't think about her like I should.
I was so angry at for admitting to myself that I liked her! If I had never admitted it to myself, I would never have thought of kissing her in the first place! Then she would never have kissed me earlier.
I had to keep my mind off of her, so I went to see Brenda.
"Hey, have you had the results back from Mr Jones' autopsy?"
She nodded, "Yes sir, and it wasn't a heart attack that killed him." This caught my attention, "He OD'd sir."
I was shocked. One of my patients comitted suicide. I thought he was fine, I thought he was gonna change for the better. He seemed so confident of that he was gonna do, yet, he was unhappy all along.
"Brenda? Am I a bad doctor, for not seeing that Mr Jones was unhappy and in trouble?"
She gave me a sympathetic look, "No sir, you're not a bad doctor. He was just a very good actor." I rubbed my arm gently and left me alone.
A few hours later, I knew I had to check back on Ivy. I was still feeling really down about the whole Mr Jones incident.
I walked through her door and I wasn't suprised anymore to see her awake. Does she wait up for me or something?
"I need to give you another shot." I said bluntly.
I took the needle in my hand and injected her, without holding her hand.
"I now need to take the cast off your arm." I told her, and sat on her bed. She wasn't saying anything, which I found odd. She always had something to say, no matter what has happened.
As I was cutting through her cast, she finally broke the silence, "What's wrong?"
I shrugged, "The oppisite of right."
"Don't give me that shit Gerard. Is it one of your patients?"
I looked up at her face, and saw that her eyes were red and puffy, probably from crying. I slowly nodded, "Mr Jones, the guy I was telling you about the other day. I thought he died of a heart attack, but he didn't. He comitted suicide."
My voice began to crack, and I had to stop from what I was doing, afraid I may cut her arm.
"He seemed okay. I thought he was gonna change for the better. And he was unhappy. I told him he could talk to me if he needed to. And he did. He talked to me about how he wanted to change. He hated how he looked. I told him what he needed to do, as a doctor does. And...he's dead Ivy."
I don't why I was telling her this when I was still mad about our situation.
I cleared my throat before getting back to the task of getting her cast off. She didn't say anything. Finally it came off, and I threw it away.
I told her more of my story, "Ever since that patient died in my intern year, Mrs Robbs her name was. She was such a lovely lady. 65 years old when she died. I remember getting really close to her. I always thought, that the closer I got to patients, the easier it would be to treat them.
So I got really close to her, and we became friends. She was doing so well, and then one day she died. She battled against lung cancer for five years. And then she just died. I was devastated. So upset. Just like I am now. And I vowed never to get close to another patient. But of course, none of them had died until now. But it still hurts just as much."
I felt the tears spill over and down my face, "And now I'm questioning myself the question I never thought would enter my mind; Am I a bad doctor?"
The look on Ivy's face showed nothing but sympathy. And I also saw she had a few tears running down her face too.
"I'm so sorry Gerard." She whispered.
She pulled me into a comforting hug, and she let me cry on her shoulder.
The Morning after the night before. Unfortunately I Wasn't waking up in Gerard's bed. Instead i was waking up in a lumpy hard bed in a hospital room.
Hospital bed's and rooms get boring after a while, I Was waiting for Gerard to come and Check on me. When the door opened i Was expecting to see his Skinny figure emerge, instead it was Some Other Guy's Chubby features that walked through the door. Without saying anything he Walked over to my bed and grabbed a needle. He gave me the shot and went to walk out before i stopped him.
"Um, excuse me, Can i ask you a few questions Please" I Asked, Quite snottily.
"Go Ahead" He said, He sounded Polish.
"Why are you here" I asked first.
"I'm your new doctor" He said before walking away.
"Where's Doctor Way" I asked quietly.
"I'm sorry, i can't tell you that" He said before walking out.
I Was angry, He did this to me on purpose. I screamed, I Screamed Loudly, I Wanted out of this place. I Hoisted myself out of the bed, collapsing straight onto the floor. Painfully may i add. I Tried 3 times to hoist myself to my feet before i actually did it.
I Grabbed anything i could to get me out of this god for saken room. I Needed out of this. After 10 minutes of trying to walk, i Reached the door, Tearing it open i made a run for it, It hurt But i didn't care, as long as i was out of here i didn't care. I Could see Gerard at the end of the corridor. He looked straight at me.
"Ivy, Oh God, Come here" He fussed over mye, trying to get me to Walk.
"Hurts" I Whimpered as he Tryed to push me forward to walk.
"Come Here" He said, Pucking me up bridal style and carrying me to my room.
Once he opened the dor he pushed it shut with his foot and placed me on my bed.
"Why Are you so stupid" He sighed.
"Why are you acting like nothing's happened" I asked, brining up the subject of yesterday.
"Why Would you even Bring that up, it's illegal" He yelled.
"so what if i like you! why are you acting the way you are!?" I Yelled back.
"Because I Like you too"