FicWad

This is dedicated to InkyBlackLace seeing as how she is obsessed with the whole Frerard thing! Enjoy!

Batman stood on top of the Gotham Police Headquarters and glared at Commissioner Mikey Way in anger.

"What do you mean The Joker got away?" He spat angrily.

"Dude, that guy is like a snake, he slipped out when one of the guards was taking a nap," Commissioner Mikey replied nervously, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

Batman shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe these guys were so incompetent. Well, actually he could. Why else would they need a man dressed as a bat to rescue them on a daily basis? He sighed and felt his anger ebbing away, for some reason Mikey Way had this effect on him. The little nerd held a soft spot in Batman's black heart, like the little brother who always needed rescuing.

"Okay," He said in his trademark growl, "I'll sort it out," He leapt onto the edge of the roof and prepared to jump.

"Thanks dude. I'd be lost without you," Mikey admitted shyly.

Batman was touched but in response he simply grunted and was gone in the blink of an eye.

*

Batman sped around in his achingly cool ride wondering where on earth he would find the clown. It was late now, every restaurant, art gallery, heck, any place worth being seen in was now closed so the chances of the clown gate-crashing a social event was slim. He was aware the clown was always trying to grab his attention (amongst other things). So, maybe he was lurking in his hangouts. No, he couldn't see The Joker standing on the edge of Way Tower staring darkly at the city of Gotham, mainly because the little shrimp was afraid of heights.

Batman parked in a seemingly deserted alley and got out. He didn't bother to lock The Tumbler-who had the nerve to try to steal it? He had just walked a few paces when he heard it. It was the unmistakable sound of someones muffled sobs. He knew it well as he had spent many a night crying for his lost parents, childhood and happiness. His feet moved towards the sound stealthily. Due to his ninja-like abilities, no-one would hear him coming.
He realized the crying was coming from a huge, green skip, he approached it not knowing what he would find. He was stunned when he recognized that it was none other then his annoying foe The Joker who was slumped on the side of the skip, with his head in his hands, apparently crying his eyes out.

Batman stood for a few moments whilst pity washed over him, then he cleared his throat loudly. The Joker froze and slowly raised his eyes. Batman saw his make-up was totally wrecked. He was surprised the clown had let it come to this as he was notoriously finicky about it looking just right.

"Erm, are you okay?" He asked in genuine concern. Seriously, he had never seen The Joker so upset.

"What do you care?" Joker sniffed, wiping his nose.

Batman ignored the question and changed the subject, "So I see you escaped from Arkham Asylum?"

"A five year old could escape from that place," Joker informed him, getting up from the floor and brushing himself off.

Batman suppressed a chuckle. That was so true. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He asked again patiently.

The Joker regarded him for a second before bursting into fresh tears. Not knowing what else to do, Batman patted him and mutterered "There, there," soothingly, well, as soothingly as his growl would allow. But, this had no affect on The Joker as he just cried harder.

Batman wondered what Oprah would do, "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked kindly."Tell me what's bothering you," He urged. Though, why he was asking this was beyond him, this dude was his nemesis after all. But he just looked so damned sad.

"It's...it's....you," Joker sniffed accusingly.

"Me?" Batman asked in surprise. "What did I do?"

"You totally don't love me, even after all these years. After all the drama we've been through,"

"Drama which you started," Batman interjected.

"So? How else can I get you're attention? If I didn't try to kill people now and again, would you even notice me? Well, would you?" He demanded, jabbing a finger at Batman's chest.

"Look, there are other ways to get my attention, you know. If you didn't cause so much chaos, we could maybe be friends,"

"Really," Gasped Joker, eyes shining with wonder, "being friends could be the start of our beautiful relationship," He sighed contentedly.

Batman rolled his eyes. Not that again. But he didn't say anything as he didn't want to upset him again. Plus, if the clown gave up his evil ways, Gotham City, heck, the whole world in general could become a better place. But, on the other hand, it would mean becoming friends with the emotionally needy, psychopath and he didn't think he could handle that, not with his own emotional problems and all. His head was swimming with thoughts, he had the perfect opportunity to end the madness once and for all, but at what cost? His own sanity? Which admittedly was fragile at best. He really couldn't take being friends with the clown, what with him having the tendency to be melodramatic, over-emotional and oh yeah, the fact he was IN LOVE with him!

Then there was the lovely Selina Kyle...

"Whatcha thinkin?" Asked The Joker, lovingly.

"Uh...just about a girl I met at a party," Batman blurted out without thinking, then totally regretted it.

"WHAT?!" Screamed The Joker, "a girl! What girl?!" He demanded in outrage.

"Whoa, calm down, nothing happened. We just met at a party, okay?" He tried to placate The Joker, who was having none of it.

"I cannot believe this. After all we've been through! How can you treat me like this?" He put his hands on his hips and glared at Batman.

"I told you. Nothing happened," Batman said, irritably.

"It better not have! That skank better stay away from my man!" Threatened The Joker, with a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Oh. My. God," Whispered Batman to himself as he realized they were arguing like man and wife.

"I mean, you know how I feel about you, right? You would never hurt me, would you?" The Joker looked up at him with fresh tears in his hazel eyes and Batman once again felt sorry for the deluded nutcase. He wondered if he was going soft.

"Err," He stammered, "no,"

"I knew it! You love me too!" The Joker yelled happily before throwing his arms around Batman's waist.

Batman had no idea what to do, so he simply patted Joker on the back awkwardly. Technically, he should have thrown the clown into the skip, but still, the poor guy was emotionally confused right now, a concussion wouldn't help.

He disentangled himself from the embrace after The Joker started to rub his hands up and down his back. It would totally kill his image if someone saw his arch enemy feeling him up in an alleyway.

"Um...I have to go now," He told The Joker, who looked at him in disappointment.

"Okay. I guess you have to do your job," He said sadly.

"Yeah," Batman said, as he backed away. He didn't know what had just happened, but he knew he had to get away quickly. He turned and fled into the shadows, he raced towards The Tumbler at full speed and jumped in before speeding off into the night. He totally needed a non-alcoholic drink right now.