Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > It's Not So Easy, Is It?
Hola people :) So it's been awhile since the last chapter.. But here you go!
This time when I woke up, I wasn't covered in sweat. I was, however, covered in ice cold water that Damien poured on me earlier. That butt muncher was gonna pay.
I groaned and stood up, stretching and letting my body pop in all sorts of places. Downstairs I could hear pots and pans clanging, along with murmuring voices. Yawning, I walked over to the small closet that Damien and I shared and pulled out a clean t-shirt that had some sort of logo on it. WE DRESS TO PLEASE Huh.. how appropriate! I smiled and pulled it halfway off, then decided Eh, what the hay. I'm not going anywhere today, might as well wear it. I dug out a pair of faded grey jeans (surprisingly not skinny) and made sure to grab a fresh pair of boxers. Pulling then on, I thought about the crazy, whacky dream I'd had last night. That's right, my voice tells me. That's all it was -a dream. I shook my head and tossed my dirtied clothes into the hamper behind the door. Gerard, for some odd reason, insisted on keeping the room clean. Well, just the clothes, really. He's a weird sort of man..
"Hey James, you up?" Mikey called up to me, and I walked out into the hallway to yell back, "Yeah, just a moment!" Then I walked into the bathroom, did my morning business, and rinsed my mouth with mouth wash. Even though I was about to eat.. Yeah, I really didn't think about that little detail.. Meh, eat me.
I ran down the stairs, almost tripping, and walked over to the fridge, only to have it shut somewhat violently by Bob, who was wearing an apron with little roosters all over it. "Cock-a-doodle-do?" I raised a brow, and he glared, then pointed to the table. Mikey, Damien, Ray, and Frank were all seated. I did a quick nod of my head as a hello, and sat down next to Damien. "How do?" I asked, and Mikey smiled.
"Good to see you feeling better," Ray said, and I frowned, pushing all thoughts of yesterday out of my head. Mikey shot him a glare and he cleared his throat. "I just mean, uh, falling in the pool an' all. Happened to me on-"
"Ray?" He looked at Frank. "Shut up." Frank smirked, Ray pouted, and I smiled. I took a deep breath and looked around the room.
"I don't suppose Gerard's up? I wanted to ask him something," I said, and Bob banged a pot down on the counter. Everyone looked over at him to see him sucking on his finger. When he noticed us watching, he quickly removed it from his mouth and glared. I giggled and turned around. "So?"
"Oh uh, Gerard's in the, um, shower, I think," Frank said, and somehow I got the impression that he wasn't really showering. I gave him 'the look' and he looked away, saying nothing more about Gerard. I was just about to ask something else when a loud giggle sounded from above our heads, in Gerard's room.
"Oh God, Gee!" the voice giggled. It sounded like a woman. Wait, Gerard had a woman in his room?! What was the world cumming to! Heh heh.. cum.. Anyway..
"Well, I guess that answers my question," I said, and Ray groaned. "What, you don't like her?" He shook his head.
"No no, it's not that. It's just.. Well, we can't all be heavy sleepers like you, now, can we?" I didn't know what he meant exactly, but when the woman above us giggled again, then screamed (not in a 'help me' way, but kind of.. um.. pleasure?) I just knew. Oh.. And that's exactly what I said: "Oh."
"Okay, here's what's goin' down," Bob said, waltzing over with two jumbo plates filled with bacon, eggs, and pancakes. My mouth watered and I distinctively heard Damien's stomach growl. Loudly. "I made all this food, and there's a lot of fucken' food, so I better get some." Just as we all began to dig in, Bob interrupted us once again. "And first come is first served. Don't worry about Gerard, he'll feed himself." Then he winked, and I got a pukey feeling in my stomach. But it went away soon after I took my first bite of pancake. My eyes went wide, and Bob smiled. Ho-lee shizzam, this man can cook! I gulped the rest of it down and moved in for seconds, as did just about everyone else. When we were good and stuffed to the max, each one of us burped, almost in unision. It was funny, I have to admit. Frank started the laughing, and everyone else followed.
"What are you guys laughing about?" Gerard asked, and it took some time but eventually the laughter died out.
"Nothing, really," Frank said, biting his lip to keep from laughing. "You missed breakfast." Gerard nodded and then looked directly at Bob.
"I suppose nobody saved me anything?" We all shook our heads, and he sighed. "Great. Well, no matter. Lindsey and I will just go out for a while." I stood up and dropped my plate in the sink, just as that womanly voice made it's way to my ears.
"Gerard, honey? Are you ready?"
"Yeah, babe. Damien, James, this is my fiance' Lindsey," Gerard said. I looked to the stairs, almost expecting to see some half-assed beauty, but what I saw totally knocked me off my feet -figuratively, of course. She. Was. Gorgeous. And really, really young. Well, older than me, obviously, but at least a good three, four years younger than Gerard.
"James, you all right?" Damien asked, lightly nudging me. I snapped back to reality and wiped a little bit of drool off my chin. Gerard smiled and winked at Lindsey, who in turn winked at me, and I blushed. Daaaamn, I thought. Now that's a woman I could handle living with.
"Well we're off," Linsey said, tugging on Gerard's sleeve. She waved to everyone and walked out the front door, and Gerard followed shortly after. Let me tell you, it was so much easier to focus on what I was doing with her out of the picture.
"Uh, I think I'm gonna go take a shower," I said, heading upstairs. Damien chucked, and I stopped and looked at him. "Yes?" He shook his head, motioning for me to continue on my way. I shrugged and kept walking.
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There's a reason people love showers. I dunno what it is, myself. But I know that I love the feel of hot water cascading down my body, and how my manly-man goods feel all nice and smooth after a good scrubbing. Oh, wow. That made me sound like a flamer, didn't it? Ha..
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"Jeez James, hog all the cotton pickin' hot water, will you!" Damien screamed at me through the door. I pretended not to hear him and continued to clean my ears. Whoa.. now that's a lot of ear wax! I pulled on my clothes from earlier and opened the door, just as Damien was about to pound on it. Guess what? He pounded my face.
"Mmph!" I groaned, and he hugged me, saying he was so, so, SO sorry over and over again. I struggled out of his grip and held my nose, smiling slightly. All was forgiven. See? What did I tell you, showers change a man! Erm.. boy..
"So uh.. yeah.. Frank and Mikey wanted to know if you want to go out or something. Like uh, they say that Metro Mall is amazing, but we'll have to go under cover. You up for it?" I smiled.
"Hell yeah," I said, heading downstairs. I quickly pulled on my shoes, and Damien did the same. Frank walked up and handed me a jacket.
"I figured you might need this," he said, smiling. I frowned, then remembered what my shirt said and gratefully took the jacket and pulled it on. "Alright, so before we leave we need to develope a plan in case we're spotted -which is pretty easy- and chased by fangirls -and possibly boys, too- so here it is: If we're separated at any time, I want you to run into Hollister and pretend to shop." Damien and I shared an amused smirk.
"Yeah, I can totally see that happening. Me, with my shaggy black 'emo' hair, and Damien with his.. not so emo hair. Should be fun." Damien snorted and Frank smiled. "What? Admit it, you can totally see the way they'll look at us!"
"Well then we'd better hope we don't get separated, then, shouldn't we?" We both nodded. "Ok, do either one of you have phones? No, never mind. Here, take mine. Mikey's always got his -texts Alicia non-fucking-stop- so you'll be able to get ahold of me in case of an actual emergency." Frank started to hand Damien the phone, then thought better of it and slipped it into my jacket pocket. Mikey walked out and clasped his hands together.
"All set?"
"Yup!" we all said in the same exact cheery voice. Mikey laughed.
"Great! Let's go then."
This time we didn't take the limo. Mikey drove and Damien sat up front with him, leaving me and Frank in the back. We played the 'ABC' game. You know, where you each take a turn finding the letters of the alphabet on passing signs and stuff? Super fun, but super boring at the same time. Frank loved it. Finally, we arrived at a really big mall (bigger than the ones in Oregon, lemme tell you) and had the toughest of luck finding a parking space. I suggested a couple times asking someone to move their car because we were amazing and famous, but Mikey shushed me, telling me I was talking too loud. I don't know what he was talking about, we had the stereo on. But whatever. Like I said, we eventually found a spot. Far away from the entrance.
We entered through J.C. Penny, and Damien and I ran to the men's section. Wow.. they even sold skinnies here.. so funny. And to think that for the past year we've been stealing them from women! Man, I'm sure Frank would get a kick outta that. Speaking of Frank, he offered to buy me clothes. Even though I declined, he said it was part of his fatherly duty, or something like that. Mikey pretty much said the same thing to Damien, and would you believe he dove right in and started grabbing practically everything in sight? Me... I settled for some boxers of my own.. and one pair of black skinnies.. and a shirt.. and maybe a few other things.. Heh heh..
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"You guys just about ready to go?" Mikey asked, coming out of the bathroom. Bob's breakfast wasn't agreeing with him, and he kept saying he was in pain. But Damien and I were just about ready to leave, because even though Mikey and Frank hadn't been spotted yet, we didn't want to chance anything.
"Yeah, just about," Damien said, taking a bite of his pretzel. I drained my ice water and threw it away.
"I'm gonna use the bathroom -be right back." Mikey waved like a madman and continued talking to Frank about something his wife said to him, and I walked the ten feet to the mens room. Before I could open it, a guy ran out, brutally shoving me out of the way.
"Watch it, punk," he spit at me. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I don't even remember what I said. "What'd you say?" The man was standing in front of me now, towering way over my mere 5'8"ness. I gulped.
"I don't-"
He shoved me backward, into the bathroom. "You think you can just tell anyone to go fuck themselves?" Another shove, one that actually hurt.
"Listen Mister, I'm real sor-" He pushed me down on my back, and I frowned. "Okay, that was uncalled fo-"
"Shut up! Just shut up!" he screamed, and kicked out at me. I saw it coming and moved with it, managing to jump to my feet. He was back in my face in a heart beat. He didn't hit me, though. He just got real close to my face. I could smell the whiskey on his breath, feel his ragged breathing on my face. It was horrible. "You teenagers, always spewing out exactly what's on yer mind, doing whatever you wanna do. That's what got Little Miss in trouble, oh yes it was." Wait.. Little Miss? As in a woman? "She thought she was so special, showin' off to those friends of hers. It's a pity her daddy won't..." He stopped suddenly, anger flashing across his face. "What the hell! You tryin' ter brainwash me, punk? Huh? Get away from me, just get away!" he screamed, and then he ran out. I didn't realise I was holding my breath until I let it out.
"That was.. weird.." I mumbled, turning around and facing the urinal. I unzipped my pants and uh, well, you get the picture. Anyway, that was when I noticed I didn't need to go anymore. "Oh, you gotta be shittin' me," I whispered, looking down. Yup, I knew it. Damn crazy guy made me piss myself! I groaned, pulled up my pants, and called Mikey's phone.
"Yeah?" His voice is loud compared to the background noise.
"Tell Frank to bring me my new pants, would you?"
"What?" I sighed.
"Tell Frank to bring me my pants!" He said okay and hung up. A few seconds later Frank walked in, pants in hand, and cracked up laughing at the sight of me.
"Oh my God, you just couldn't hold it could you!" I flipped him off before I thought about it. See? It's a reflex that gets me in trouble! Only.. Frank didn't exactly see it.. so I guess that's good.
"Oh shut up, it's not my fault. Some crazy guy almost pulped me up," I said, snatching the jeans from his hand. He frowned.
"Some guy tried to beat you up?" I nodded, mirroring his frown. "It wouldn't happen to be that guy that practically ran out of here, would it?" I nodded again, and he looked back towards the door. "I thought something was fishy about that guy.. Did he hurt you?" Oh great, father mode! I shrugged and zipped myself up.
"Not really, no. Just contaminated my air. C'mon, let's go."
We walked out and as soon as Mikey and Damien walked over, Frank shared the news of my pissing myself.. and the crazy man. Mikey shook his head. "That guy could really hurt someone. Good thing James isn't a little kid." And just like that, I remembered what the man said about the girl that had been showing off. I gasped. "What?" Mikey asked, and I shook my head.
"The guy, when he was yelling at me -he mentioned a girl!" I could tell right away they were listening real well, so I continued. "He said that she was showing off, and that she thought she could do anything she wanted, and then he started to say something about her dad -and then he stopped."
"And then what?" I shrugged.
"He went all crazy again and yelled at me to stop messing with his mind. Do you think-"
"I think.. we need to call somebody," Frank said, real low. I nodded and handed him his phone. He took it and called the cops.
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"Now listen, son, I need you to describe exactly what the man looked like to Holly here, okay?" He said it like I was a little boy. Which I certainly was not. Damn cops, man. I sighed and scratched behind my right ear.
"Okay. Like I said earlier, he was really tall, like erm, taller than Mikey. He had shoulder length, dark brown hair -like mine- and he was wearing these really weird chain pants. I think they're called Tripps, but I'm not sure. They looked a little different than the ones at the mall."
"Good, good. Anything else?" I shook my head. It wouldn't do any good to mention that he had really bad teeth. Nobody cares about the bad stuff anymore (that was total sarcasm, just so you know!) "Alright, well I guess you're good to g- Oh wait, one more thing." Damien, Mikey, and Frank all looked at him. I focused on Holly's reflection on the table. She was really pretty.
"Yes, Officer?" Ha! Damien was soooo kissing this guys ass. Sort of.. You know what? Don't judge me!
"You mentioned he'd been drinking?"
"Oh uh, yeah. He reeked of alcohol. Actually, he reeked like just about every bad smell in the world. Oh and he had bad teeth," I threw in, just for the sake of it. Officer Zimmerman didn't seem to hear it, though. I repeat: Damn cops.
"Alright, well if that's all then I guess we're done here. Holly here will escort you two boys out, kay? I just need a quick word with Michael and Frank." Damien and I shrugged, and I was only too happy to let Holly lead us out. Hell, she could lead me anywhere with that smile. She had ear-length bleach blond hair. I'm not gonna lie, it almost made her look like a dyke. But a sexy dyke, at that. She was wearing your average mini-skirt, though I really don't know how they let her work here. It must have been a man who hired her.
Pretty soon we were leaning against one of the pillar's directly in front of the front window, waiting for the guys. And by we, I meant me and Damien. Holly had to stay at the front desk for a while, manning the phones. Pity, really. I'd almost had enough courage to talk to her when she'd been pulled aside by this older woman (extremely old) and left us to walk ourselves out. I was sneaking short glances over at Holly every few seconds, contemplating whether or not I wanted to walk back inside and complete my mission of talking to an actual girl. Technically, that one lady Damien and I hitched a ride with a few days ago was really the only girl-slash-woman I'd ever talked to. Sad, right? Nah..
"Dude, just go in there and ask a question," Damien said, smiling down at me. I frowned.
"And what, exactly, would I ask her?" I gave him a minimum of ten seconds to come up with something. Three.. Two.. One..
"Tell her you're new in town and ask where the best place to eat it," he said. A guy that looked to be in his early twenties was walking our way, and with a wink to me he stepped into the guys path. "Hey man, what's up?"
"Er, not much, I guess. You?"
"'Bout the same, really. You smoke?"
"Yeah?"
"Mind if I snag one?" The guy shrugged and reached into his back pocket, pulling out not one, but two Camel Lights. He handed one to Damien and then, much to my surprise, he offered the other to me. I shrugged and took it, figuring 'What the hell.' I do believe that's the second time I've had that thought today. Damien and the guy, who introduced himself as Chris, talked for a little while longer. Actually, it was a long while later. Not really wanting to go back into the building smelling like smoke, I pocketed the cigarette and rubbed my face. Okay, I could totally do this. I took a deep breath and walked inside, preparing myself for the worst. I walked right up to the desk and smiled. She looked up and smiled back.
"Hi, what can I do you for?" I damn-well almost coughed on my spit. She giggled. "I mean, how can I help you?"
"I er, um. I just m-moved here," I said, trying to get rid of my stutter, "and I was wondering if you knew any good places to eat?" She giggled again.
"Actually, I just moved here myself. Today's my first day," she said, and I nodded. "But um.. if you want, I could look that up for you?" She bit her lip and sat down. I swallowod and said okay. She motioned for me to come behind the desk, and my feet were only too happy to oblige. "What kind of food do you prefer? Spicy, American, Chinese? Personally, I prefer Chinese." She looked up at me and winked. I smiled. This was so much easier than I thought was possible.
"Chinese sounds good," I said, making it sound like I thought about it first. She smiled and started tying away.
"Hm.. There's a really good Chinese restaurant over on 27 W Madison St. It says here they've got really great service. Interested?" I nodded. "You have to have a reservation. Dinner?" I nodded again. "When would be a good time?"
"I dunno.. Tomorrow night?" She shook her head. "When would you say would be a good time?" She bit her lip (oh man, how I wanted to do that for her) and then smiled coyly.
"What about tonight?" Then, standing up, she rubbed against me slightly. I had a hard time swallowing. "I get off at seven."
"So.. eight-thirty?" She nodded and ran her hand up my leg, all the way to my chest. "I'll pick you up." She giggled and broke away from me, bending over to write down her address. And you know what? She made sure to rub against me. Again. Isn't that grand? By the time she stood up and handed me a slip of paper, I was having a very large problem in my pants. I kid you not -I am very well endowed.
"Thank you sir, for listening to us," I heard Mikey say. I forced myself to think about old ladies and prunes to get the situation under the table, and stepped back in front of the desk. "Oh, there you are! Where'd Damien?"
"Out front, I think. He just made a new friend." Mikey and Frank walked out front, and I said goodbye to Holly. She winked and walked to the back with Officer Zimmerman. Oh man, this is the best day ever.
Or so I thought.
This time when I woke up, I wasn't covered in sweat. I was, however, covered in ice cold water that Damien poured on me earlier. That butt muncher was gonna pay.
I groaned and stood up, stretching and letting my body pop in all sorts of places. Downstairs I could hear pots and pans clanging, along with murmuring voices. Yawning, I walked over to the small closet that Damien and I shared and pulled out a clean t-shirt that had some sort of logo on it. WE DRESS TO PLEASE Huh.. how appropriate! I smiled and pulled it halfway off, then decided Eh, what the hay. I'm not going anywhere today, might as well wear it. I dug out a pair of faded grey jeans (surprisingly not skinny) and made sure to grab a fresh pair of boxers. Pulling then on, I thought about the crazy, whacky dream I'd had last night. That's right, my voice tells me. That's all it was -a dream. I shook my head and tossed my dirtied clothes into the hamper behind the door. Gerard, for some odd reason, insisted on keeping the room clean. Well, just the clothes, really. He's a weird sort of man..
"Hey James, you up?" Mikey called up to me, and I walked out into the hallway to yell back, "Yeah, just a moment!" Then I walked into the bathroom, did my morning business, and rinsed my mouth with mouth wash. Even though I was about to eat.. Yeah, I really didn't think about that little detail.. Meh, eat me.
I ran down the stairs, almost tripping, and walked over to the fridge, only to have it shut somewhat violently by Bob, who was wearing an apron with little roosters all over it. "Cock-a-doodle-do?" I raised a brow, and he glared, then pointed to the table. Mikey, Damien, Ray, and Frank were all seated. I did a quick nod of my head as a hello, and sat down next to Damien. "How do?" I asked, and Mikey smiled.
"Good to see you feeling better," Ray said, and I frowned, pushing all thoughts of yesterday out of my head. Mikey shot him a glare and he cleared his throat. "I just mean, uh, falling in the pool an' all. Happened to me on-"
"Ray?" He looked at Frank. "Shut up." Frank smirked, Ray pouted, and I smiled. I took a deep breath and looked around the room.
"I don't suppose Gerard's up? I wanted to ask him something," I said, and Bob banged a pot down on the counter. Everyone looked over at him to see him sucking on his finger. When he noticed us watching, he quickly removed it from his mouth and glared. I giggled and turned around. "So?"
"Oh uh, Gerard's in the, um, shower, I think," Frank said, and somehow I got the impression that he wasn't really showering. I gave him 'the look' and he looked away, saying nothing more about Gerard. I was just about to ask something else when a loud giggle sounded from above our heads, in Gerard's room.
"Oh God, Gee!" the voice giggled. It sounded like a woman. Wait, Gerard had a woman in his room?! What was the world cumming to! Heh heh.. cum.. Anyway..
"Well, I guess that answers my question," I said, and Ray groaned. "What, you don't like her?" He shook his head.
"No no, it's not that. It's just.. Well, we can't all be heavy sleepers like you, now, can we?" I didn't know what he meant exactly, but when the woman above us giggled again, then screamed (not in a 'help me' way, but kind of.. um.. pleasure?) I just knew. Oh.. And that's exactly what I said: "Oh."
"Okay, here's what's goin' down," Bob said, waltzing over with two jumbo plates filled with bacon, eggs, and pancakes. My mouth watered and I distinctively heard Damien's stomach growl. Loudly. "I made all this food, and there's a lot of fucken' food, so I better get some." Just as we all began to dig in, Bob interrupted us once again. "And first come is first served. Don't worry about Gerard, he'll feed himself." Then he winked, and I got a pukey feeling in my stomach. But it went away soon after I took my first bite of pancake. My eyes went wide, and Bob smiled. Ho-lee shizzam, this man can cook! I gulped the rest of it down and moved in for seconds, as did just about everyone else. When we were good and stuffed to the max, each one of us burped, almost in unision. It was funny, I have to admit. Frank started the laughing, and everyone else followed.
"What are you guys laughing about?" Gerard asked, and it took some time but eventually the laughter died out.
"Nothing, really," Frank said, biting his lip to keep from laughing. "You missed breakfast." Gerard nodded and then looked directly at Bob.
"I suppose nobody saved me anything?" We all shook our heads, and he sighed. "Great. Well, no matter. Lindsey and I will just go out for a while." I stood up and dropped my plate in the sink, just as that womanly voice made it's way to my ears.
"Gerard, honey? Are you ready?"
"Yeah, babe. Damien, James, this is my fiance' Lindsey," Gerard said. I looked to the stairs, almost expecting to see some half-assed beauty, but what I saw totally knocked me off my feet -figuratively, of course. She. Was. Gorgeous. And really, really young. Well, older than me, obviously, but at least a good three, four years younger than Gerard.
"James, you all right?" Damien asked, lightly nudging me. I snapped back to reality and wiped a little bit of drool off my chin. Gerard smiled and winked at Lindsey, who in turn winked at me, and I blushed. Daaaamn, I thought. Now that's a woman I could handle living with.
"Well we're off," Linsey said, tugging on Gerard's sleeve. She waved to everyone and walked out the front door, and Gerard followed shortly after. Let me tell you, it was so much easier to focus on what I was doing with her out of the picture.
"Uh, I think I'm gonna go take a shower," I said, heading upstairs. Damien chucked, and I stopped and looked at him. "Yes?" He shook his head, motioning for me to continue on my way. I shrugged and kept walking.
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There's a reason people love showers. I dunno what it is, myself. But I know that I love the feel of hot water cascading down my body, and how my manly-man goods feel all nice and smooth after a good scrubbing. Oh, wow. That made me sound like a flamer, didn't it? Ha..
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"Jeez James, hog all the cotton pickin' hot water, will you!" Damien screamed at me through the door. I pretended not to hear him and continued to clean my ears. Whoa.. now that's a lot of ear wax! I pulled on my clothes from earlier and opened the door, just as Damien was about to pound on it. Guess what? He pounded my face.
"Mmph!" I groaned, and he hugged me, saying he was so, so, SO sorry over and over again. I struggled out of his grip and held my nose, smiling slightly. All was forgiven. See? What did I tell you, showers change a man! Erm.. boy..
"So uh.. yeah.. Frank and Mikey wanted to know if you want to go out or something. Like uh, they say that Metro Mall is amazing, but we'll have to go under cover. You up for it?" I smiled.
"Hell yeah," I said, heading downstairs. I quickly pulled on my shoes, and Damien did the same. Frank walked up and handed me a jacket.
"I figured you might need this," he said, smiling. I frowned, then remembered what my shirt said and gratefully took the jacket and pulled it on. "Alright, so before we leave we need to develope a plan in case we're spotted -which is pretty easy- and chased by fangirls -and possibly boys, too- so here it is: If we're separated at any time, I want you to run into Hollister and pretend to shop." Damien and I shared an amused smirk.
"Yeah, I can totally see that happening. Me, with my shaggy black 'emo' hair, and Damien with his.. not so emo hair. Should be fun." Damien snorted and Frank smiled. "What? Admit it, you can totally see the way they'll look at us!"
"Well then we'd better hope we don't get separated, then, shouldn't we?" We both nodded. "Ok, do either one of you have phones? No, never mind. Here, take mine. Mikey's always got his -texts Alicia non-fucking-stop- so you'll be able to get ahold of me in case of an actual emergency." Frank started to hand Damien the phone, then thought better of it and slipped it into my jacket pocket. Mikey walked out and clasped his hands together.
"All set?"
"Yup!" we all said in the same exact cheery voice. Mikey laughed.
"Great! Let's go then."
This time we didn't take the limo. Mikey drove and Damien sat up front with him, leaving me and Frank in the back. We played the 'ABC' game. You know, where you each take a turn finding the letters of the alphabet on passing signs and stuff? Super fun, but super boring at the same time. Frank loved it. Finally, we arrived at a really big mall (bigger than the ones in Oregon, lemme tell you) and had the toughest of luck finding a parking space. I suggested a couple times asking someone to move their car because we were amazing and famous, but Mikey shushed me, telling me I was talking too loud. I don't know what he was talking about, we had the stereo on. But whatever. Like I said, we eventually found a spot. Far away from the entrance.
We entered through J.C. Penny, and Damien and I ran to the men's section. Wow.. they even sold skinnies here.. so funny. And to think that for the past year we've been stealing them from women! Man, I'm sure Frank would get a kick outta that. Speaking of Frank, he offered to buy me clothes. Even though I declined, he said it was part of his fatherly duty, or something like that. Mikey pretty much said the same thing to Damien, and would you believe he dove right in and started grabbing practically everything in sight? Me... I settled for some boxers of my own.. and one pair of black skinnies.. and a shirt.. and maybe a few other things.. Heh heh..
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"You guys just about ready to go?" Mikey asked, coming out of the bathroom. Bob's breakfast wasn't agreeing with him, and he kept saying he was in pain. But Damien and I were just about ready to leave, because even though Mikey and Frank hadn't been spotted yet, we didn't want to chance anything.
"Yeah, just about," Damien said, taking a bite of his pretzel. I drained my ice water and threw it away.
"I'm gonna use the bathroom -be right back." Mikey waved like a madman and continued talking to Frank about something his wife said to him, and I walked the ten feet to the mens room. Before I could open it, a guy ran out, brutally shoving me out of the way.
"Watch it, punk," he spit at me. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I don't even remember what I said. "What'd you say?" The man was standing in front of me now, towering way over my mere 5'8"ness. I gulped.
"I don't-"
He shoved me backward, into the bathroom. "You think you can just tell anyone to go fuck themselves?" Another shove, one that actually hurt.
"Listen Mister, I'm real sor-" He pushed me down on my back, and I frowned. "Okay, that was uncalled fo-"
"Shut up! Just shut up!" he screamed, and kicked out at me. I saw it coming and moved with it, managing to jump to my feet. He was back in my face in a heart beat. He didn't hit me, though. He just got real close to my face. I could smell the whiskey on his breath, feel his ragged breathing on my face. It was horrible. "You teenagers, always spewing out exactly what's on yer mind, doing whatever you wanna do. That's what got Little Miss in trouble, oh yes it was." Wait.. Little Miss? As in a woman? "She thought she was so special, showin' off to those friends of hers. It's a pity her daddy won't..." He stopped suddenly, anger flashing across his face. "What the hell! You tryin' ter brainwash me, punk? Huh? Get away from me, just get away!" he screamed, and then he ran out. I didn't realise I was holding my breath until I let it out.
"That was.. weird.." I mumbled, turning around and facing the urinal. I unzipped my pants and uh, well, you get the picture. Anyway, that was when I noticed I didn't need to go anymore. "Oh, you gotta be shittin' me," I whispered, looking down. Yup, I knew it. Damn crazy guy made me piss myself! I groaned, pulled up my pants, and called Mikey's phone.
"Yeah?" His voice is loud compared to the background noise.
"Tell Frank to bring me my new pants, would you?"
"What?" I sighed.
"Tell Frank to bring me my pants!" He said okay and hung up. A few seconds later Frank walked in, pants in hand, and cracked up laughing at the sight of me.
"Oh my God, you just couldn't hold it could you!" I flipped him off before I thought about it. See? It's a reflex that gets me in trouble! Only.. Frank didn't exactly see it.. so I guess that's good.
"Oh shut up, it's not my fault. Some crazy guy almost pulped me up," I said, snatching the jeans from his hand. He frowned.
"Some guy tried to beat you up?" I nodded, mirroring his frown. "It wouldn't happen to be that guy that practically ran out of here, would it?" I nodded again, and he looked back towards the door. "I thought something was fishy about that guy.. Did he hurt you?" Oh great, father mode! I shrugged and zipped myself up.
"Not really, no. Just contaminated my air. C'mon, let's go."
We walked out and as soon as Mikey and Damien walked over, Frank shared the news of my pissing myself.. and the crazy man. Mikey shook his head. "That guy could really hurt someone. Good thing James isn't a little kid." And just like that, I remembered what the man said about the girl that had been showing off. I gasped. "What?" Mikey asked, and I shook my head.
"The guy, when he was yelling at me -he mentioned a girl!" I could tell right away they were listening real well, so I continued. "He said that she was showing off, and that she thought she could do anything she wanted, and then he started to say something about her dad -and then he stopped."
"And then what?" I shrugged.
"He went all crazy again and yelled at me to stop messing with his mind. Do you think-"
"I think.. we need to call somebody," Frank said, real low. I nodded and handed him his phone. He took it and called the cops.
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"Now listen, son, I need you to describe exactly what the man looked like to Holly here, okay?" He said it like I was a little boy. Which I certainly was not. Damn cops, man. I sighed and scratched behind my right ear.
"Okay. Like I said earlier, he was really tall, like erm, taller than Mikey. He had shoulder length, dark brown hair -like mine- and he was wearing these really weird chain pants. I think they're called Tripps, but I'm not sure. They looked a little different than the ones at the mall."
"Good, good. Anything else?" I shook my head. It wouldn't do any good to mention that he had really bad teeth. Nobody cares about the bad stuff anymore (that was total sarcasm, just so you know!) "Alright, well I guess you're good to g- Oh wait, one more thing." Damien, Mikey, and Frank all looked at him. I focused on Holly's reflection on the table. She was really pretty.
"Yes, Officer?" Ha! Damien was soooo kissing this guys ass. Sort of.. You know what? Don't judge me!
"You mentioned he'd been drinking?"
"Oh uh, yeah. He reeked of alcohol. Actually, he reeked like just about every bad smell in the world. Oh and he had bad teeth," I threw in, just for the sake of it. Officer Zimmerman didn't seem to hear it, though. I repeat: Damn cops.
"Alright, well if that's all then I guess we're done here. Holly here will escort you two boys out, kay? I just need a quick word with Michael and Frank." Damien and I shrugged, and I was only too happy to let Holly lead us out. Hell, she could lead me anywhere with that smile. She had ear-length bleach blond hair. I'm not gonna lie, it almost made her look like a dyke. But a sexy dyke, at that. She was wearing your average mini-skirt, though I really don't know how they let her work here. It must have been a man who hired her.
Pretty soon we were leaning against one of the pillar's directly in front of the front window, waiting for the guys. And by we, I meant me and Damien. Holly had to stay at the front desk for a while, manning the phones. Pity, really. I'd almost had enough courage to talk to her when she'd been pulled aside by this older woman (extremely old) and left us to walk ourselves out. I was sneaking short glances over at Holly every few seconds, contemplating whether or not I wanted to walk back inside and complete my mission of talking to an actual girl. Technically, that one lady Damien and I hitched a ride with a few days ago was really the only girl-slash-woman I'd ever talked to. Sad, right? Nah..
"Dude, just go in there and ask a question," Damien said, smiling down at me. I frowned.
"And what, exactly, would I ask her?" I gave him a minimum of ten seconds to come up with something. Three.. Two.. One..
"Tell her you're new in town and ask where the best place to eat it," he said. A guy that looked to be in his early twenties was walking our way, and with a wink to me he stepped into the guys path. "Hey man, what's up?"
"Er, not much, I guess. You?"
"'Bout the same, really. You smoke?"
"Yeah?"
"Mind if I snag one?" The guy shrugged and reached into his back pocket, pulling out not one, but two Camel Lights. He handed one to Damien and then, much to my surprise, he offered the other to me. I shrugged and took it, figuring 'What the hell.' I do believe that's the second time I've had that thought today. Damien and the guy, who introduced himself as Chris, talked for a little while longer. Actually, it was a long while later. Not really wanting to go back into the building smelling like smoke, I pocketed the cigarette and rubbed my face. Okay, I could totally do this. I took a deep breath and walked inside, preparing myself for the worst. I walked right up to the desk and smiled. She looked up and smiled back.
"Hi, what can I do you for?" I damn-well almost coughed on my spit. She giggled. "I mean, how can I help you?"
"I er, um. I just m-moved here," I said, trying to get rid of my stutter, "and I was wondering if you knew any good places to eat?" She giggled again.
"Actually, I just moved here myself. Today's my first day," she said, and I nodded. "But um.. if you want, I could look that up for you?" She bit her lip and sat down. I swallowod and said okay. She motioned for me to come behind the desk, and my feet were only too happy to oblige. "What kind of food do you prefer? Spicy, American, Chinese? Personally, I prefer Chinese." She looked up at me and winked. I smiled. This was so much easier than I thought was possible.
"Chinese sounds good," I said, making it sound like I thought about it first. She smiled and started tying away.
"Hm.. There's a really good Chinese restaurant over on 27 W Madison St. It says here they've got really great service. Interested?" I nodded. "You have to have a reservation. Dinner?" I nodded again. "When would be a good time?"
"I dunno.. Tomorrow night?" She shook her head. "When would you say would be a good time?" She bit her lip (oh man, how I wanted to do that for her) and then smiled coyly.
"What about tonight?" Then, standing up, she rubbed against me slightly. I had a hard time swallowing. "I get off at seven."
"So.. eight-thirty?" She nodded and ran her hand up my leg, all the way to my chest. "I'll pick you up." She giggled and broke away from me, bending over to write down her address. And you know what? She made sure to rub against me. Again. Isn't that grand? By the time she stood up and handed me a slip of paper, I was having a very large problem in my pants. I kid you not -I am very well endowed.
"Thank you sir, for listening to us," I heard Mikey say. I forced myself to think about old ladies and prunes to get the situation under the table, and stepped back in front of the desk. "Oh, there you are! Where'd Damien?"
"Out front, I think. He just made a new friend." Mikey and Frank walked out front, and I said goodbye to Holly. She winked and walked to the back with Officer Zimmerman. Oh man, this is the best day ever.
Or so I thought.
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