I have been thinking of always to escape from my room I just wanted to jump I no longer cared anymore. All my life I have been a liar lying to people repeatedly. Not once caring how my lies affected them, I am a heartless liar. If I could have a second chance at life, I would take it in a heartbeat, starting over not becoming this worthless lair.
I know in my past I never cared how I hurt people by my lies or how I was never going to change, but I do not know what happen. Gerard has been on my mind every day there is not a minute were I do not think about him. I think his the reason I started to think about changing, no his is the reason I started thinking about changing. I never realize how much he really meant to me until his no longer in my life.
I never knew all the talks we had would mean everything to me I never knew the way I look into his eyes would make me feel so happy inside. I also never knew he would no longer be in my life and I would miss him this much. No one ever thinks about stuff like this thinking that person you have so much feelings for would one day decide they no longer wanted to be in your life. I could lie and say I have not cried over him but what point would the be? Everyone fucking knows I am a liar I would never tell the truth because liars do not tell the truth.
I’m tired of being called a liar I can change I know deep down I can change my ways so that’s what I’m going to do I no longer want this life I want out. Today has been four days since I have been lock in my room the doctors decided I could come out and play again; I open my door and ran towards the outside. I was not stopping for no one there was one person I wanted to see no I needed to see, I open the glass doors and there he was. He was heading towards the doors to leave he did not see me. I had no idea what I was going to do even what I was going to say, without thinking I ran towards him. I stop in front him he look at me with sadness in his eyes, and angry so without thinking I started to talk.
“I know you said you never wanted to see me again that it would be best for us to forget about each other. However, you have no idea how hard that is for me I know I am a fucking liar a worthless and heartless at that. When I met you something happen you made a part of me wanting to change no one has ever done that before, it scared me so I lied thinking that feeling would go away. That feeling as never left me every time I am with you I feel alive again, I feel like I am the normal person I always wanted to be. Four days ago I was about to jump I was about to end it all but I did not, because you. Gerard you have no idea how much you do mean to me I know I’m a liar but can you at least try to find it in your heart to believe me,” I said from my heart.
I never felt this way about anymore before and it scared me. All I could do was hope he beleive me. He look at me with tears in his eyes and before I knew it he kiss me.
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