Nathan would never do this to me. He even promised me. Did promises mean anything to him? Do I still trust him? Being let down is the worst feeling anyone can ever have. I was really disappointed in Skye. How could she do this to me as well? Why do we live in this kind of society? Is this intentional or just a little mistake? I couldn’t bring myself to stand up. There was no one who could help me now could they? I was so sure that Nathan was the one for me. What happened? I feel like I was expecting for this to happen. Nathan said he didn’t love Skye but I did believe he was.
Our relationship was off right from the start. Why am I questioning myself now? Of course this would happen. Any relationship that started with an argument would end up like this. I wonder what Nathan was thinking about when he’s fucking Skye. Certainly he wasn’t thinking about me. Why would he even think about me anyways? I mean nothing to him anymore. I’m starting to wonder if I ever did. I’m not going to let this break me down. Maybe I don’t love Nathan anymore. I’m just hoping I don’t. It would make this situation easier. I just hope I can move on. There are many more guys out there. Everyone is different in their own way. There might be guys better than Nathan.
But I’ve fallen for him many years ago. The second I met him, I felt that there was something there. I didn’t understand why it had to be like this. Shaking my head, I got up from the floor and walked into the elevator. I need to get over him, crying would not do me any good. I have to do something that would keep my mind off of everything. Everything has to be okay for me. I’m not going to live the rest of my life saddened by what Nate did. I don’t need him. I can move on without him. I can do this. I believe I can. When I got to my room, I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I need to wash every trace of sadness off of me. I came out of the shower with a smile on my face.
I wrapped the towel around my wet hair and took out some food from the fridge. The money’s wasn’t on me so I couldn’t really care less who had to pay for all the things I take out. There was a box of vanilla ice cream in the freezer so I took it out along with a spoon. I found the remote on the counter so I decided to watch some television to get my mind off of things. Moving on without him would be so easy if I could do this all day. I opened the lid of my ice cream and the TV as well. I flicked through the channels, enjoying every bite of my food. I stopped on The Notebook. When this movie came out, it has always been my favorite. I was a hopeless romantic back then. Now I’m over this phase.
I changed the channel, refusing to watch this movie. It always makes me cry. Crying is the last thing I would want to do tonight. I can just ignore all the problems I have and watch something seriously great. I stopped at The Sound Of Music. I’ve never seen this movie before but it was my mother’s favorite movie of all time so I hope this movie is as good as my mother said it was. I watched the movie, laughing to myself when the kids fell into the water as well as the maid. The father was beyond pissed. Where has this movie been all my life? I frowned when I stuck the last remaining spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. Oh well, I can eat something else. I went back to the fridge and began digging for more food.
I finished the movie and I began yawning immediately. Today has been a very long day and I’m feeling better. No, I was feeling really good. I can spend my life doing other things that enlightened me. Love isn’t the only thing that could make people happy. Entertainment is another key. Being in love blinds you out from so many things. You need to open your eyes and see what else you want to do in your life. My eyes were feeling really heavy and I couldn’t keep them open anymore. I let myself drift off to sleep.
The next morning I woke up with a tiny headache. My hair was wet. I forgot to blow dry it. Sighing, I checked the time. It was only 9:00. We will be checking out in three hours. The next show was here in Los Angeles but I don’t know why we had to stay in this hotel. Maybe they wanted us to feel more comfortable in hotel rooms. If we didn’t check into this hotel, I would still be happy and clueless to any future heartbreak. I’m actually glad we went here. The movie yesterday was amazing. It certainly cheered me up. I got up and went to the bathroom to clean myself up.
A few hours later, everyone met up downstairs to check out of the hotel. I handed our manager the hotel room key. She smiled at me as she took it away from me. “What did you do last night?” Matthew asked me, sitting down beside me on the sofa. “I watched TV yesterday. The Sound Of Music is a great movie” I laughed. “You really like that movie?” he smirked. “Hey, what’s wrong with that movie? My mom likes it” I pouted. “Some stupid chick flick” he mumbled. “It’s not a chick flick you dumb ass” I slapped the back of his head. “Guys, let’s get going now. The show starts in two hours we need to get to the venue in fifteen minutes!” one of the crew shouted loudly.
“Where’s Nathan?” Dan came running towards us. My playful expression suddenly turned bitter. “Hey do you guys know where Skye is?” Collin ran over to us as well. Everyone else (besides the managers, Mateo, Dan. Collin, Matthew, Fiona, Alex, and Casey) exited the hotel and into the tour bus. “Nathan’s getting laid” I responded bitterly. “What do you mean?” Dan asked. “It means he’s getting the pleasure of his life” I practically yelled. I’m starting to lose my patience. “I still don’t get it, what’s it have to do with Skye?” Fiona asked. “Don’t you get it? They’re upstairs in his hotel room fucking each other right now!” I yelled furiously.
"Pick up the phone" Nathan groaned. I yawned and opened my eyes, getting up from the bed. Nathan was beside me slowly opening his. I realized that I wasn't clothed at all. Wait, I did sleep with him? What have I done? I walked over to the hotel phone that was still ringing. "Pick it up" Nathan said. "Hello?" I asked. "Skye, get the fuck down here, everyone's leaving!" Alexander's angry voice rang in my ears. "Okay we're coming!" I yelled. "We?" he asked. "I'm coming" I rolled my eyes, aware of the fact that he can't see.
"Hurry then" he said and hung up. "We're leaving?" Nathan got up. "Dude, go put something on" I found a pair of his boxers on the floor and threw it at him. He smiled at me. "This isn't funny. Oh my god. What have I done?" I shook my head and walked into the bathroom with my clothes in hand. I sighed and began thinking about the consequences for this action. I can't believe I'm doing this to Rachel. I promised her I won't take Nathan away from her. And guess what I did? I slept with him that same day. I quickly got dressed and got out to see that Nathan's dressed as well.
"Shit" I yelled when we both got out of his room. "What?" he rolled his eyes. "Dude, I left my stuff in my room" I shouted. "Just chill, okay? Go to your room and get it, I'll come with you" he held my hand and dragged me into the elevator, punching my room floor. When we got to my floor we ran to my room. I fumbled to get my room key. When we got to my room, I took my bag. "Now we can go" Nathan walked over to me and pecked my lips. "What are you doing?" I glared at him. "I..." I interrupted him, "Never mind, let's go we're already late" I wrapped my fingers around his and quickly ran for the elevator.
When we got to the lobby, everyone was glaring at us. I could feel Rachel's gaze burn the back of my head. I immediately dropped Nathan's hand. "Here's the room key" I turned to the manager, pretending to be oblivious of Rachel and Nathan. "Be on time next time" the manager said sternly. "Okay" I nodded. "You too Mr. Leone" she turned to Nathan. "Yes sir" he grinned, giving her his room key. "Skye, where the fuck were you?" Alexander appeared by my side. "Too busy hooking up with Nathan" Rachel added bitterly. I turned to look at her apologetically. She ignored me. Alex shook his head, "please tell me she's joking"
"Let's go, I held you guys up long enough already" I changed the subject, following the others out of the hotel. When we got to the bus, I ran for my bunk, closing the curtains. I can't face anyone. Of course everyone was curious about what's going on between Nathan and me. Why the hell would we run to the lobby late together? I still couldn't believe I done what I did. Why did I have to give in so easily? Why did I let Nathan wrap his arms around me and kiss me? Why did I let him remove my clothing and push me onto his hotel bed? Why did I let him ruin my life? He ruined the chances of Rachel and I being normal for once. But it wasn't completely his fault. It was mine as well. I gave in to Nathan because he was just too damn gorgeous.
Why did I let this happen? "Skye" Fiona opened my curtains. "What the fuck do you want?" I asked, groaning. "Are you okay?" she asked, concerned. "What do you think? I just found my boyfriend cheating on me with my friend and I accidently hooked up with my sister's boyfriend. Do you think I'm okay?" I glared at her. "I'm really sorry about Frank and what? You really hooked up with Nathan?" her jaw dropped. Why is she even talking to me anyways? Didn't she hate me? Wouldn't she choose Gerard or Frank over me? Why would she care now? "Look that was a mistake" I rolled my eyes. "And so was the little session I had with Frank. I'm sorry but you did the same thing but worst. You slept with the dude. Can you forgive me?" she begged.
I was about to slap her face or something but I thought deep into what she just said. As much as I didn't want to admit it, she was right. I think I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world. I always accuse people for what they do and I end up making that same mistake. Now I knew how Fiona felt when I caught her with Frank. That was more dramatic than my situation. I'm perfectly fine with that. Luckily Rachel didn't walk in on us having sex. That would be shameful and embarrassing not that it already wasn't. "Fiona" I sighed, "I’m sorry that I got mad. I'm such a fucking hypocrite but I forgive you. I don't think I'll ever be forgiven for what I've done" I shook my head.
Fiona sat down beside me and wrapped her arms around me. "Whatever happens, I will be here for you. Remember that okay? Rachel can't be mad at you forever over this. Nathan means a lot to her but if he's willing to do this to her, he doesn't love her enough. Maybe you’re too hard to resist" she suggested. I continued to shake my head violently. "Rachel will never forgive me. I know that for sure. Nathan needs to go back to her. I don't want it to be like this. I want them both to be happy with each other even if I'm not happy" I rambled on and on until Fiona stopped me.
"Wait, why wouldn't you be happy?" she eyed me suspiciously. "Because uh... I have no idea. Just ignore it" I tried to brush it off. "Skye? Tell me what it is" she continued to eye me. "Nothing important" I looked away. "You like Nathan don't you? I think it's the other way around. He was too hard for you to resist. You want him but you want him and your sister to be happy. And that is why you'll be sad but you still want to make other's happy" Fiona snapped her fingers in realization. "Fiona, I can't lie to you can I? What you said was like a mind reader kind of thing. You read my mind" I sighed in defeat. She absolutely got me there.
I paced around the tour bus. I feel awkward in here. What do I even do? No one even spoke a word since we got on the bus. Rachel was clearly upset with me. She found out somehow that I spent the night with Skye. Maybe I can just lie to her that Skye only slept over because I was helping her with a song and we were both tired so I slept on the sofa and she slept on the bed. But lying didn't seem like a very good idea. Lying is what breaks relationships down. Do I really want this to work?
I know I love Rachel. I messed it up. Would I regret this? What does this actually mean for us? What did the guys think? Why aren't they talking to me? Are they mad at me too as well as Rachel? I'm way too scared to talk to Rachel now. I haven’t even decided what I want. My heart is like broken into two pieces. One piece belonged to Rachel. And the other piece belonged to Skye. I don't know what to do. I can't tell Rachel that I love her if I loved Skye as well. I can't tell Skye I love her because I love Rachel and it would make me feel even worst for what I did last night. I don't regret it; I just don't like the consequences. "Nate?" my brother called me from the back. "Coming!" I slowly walked to my brother and sat down beside him.
"You realize that Rachel's pissed at you right?" he asked me. I nodded. "Did you really sleep with Skye?" he examined me carefully. I slowly nodded, gulping and looking down at my lap. "Dude, you just made a really big mistake" he shook his head. He wasn't ashamed or pissed. He looked really determined. Matt would do anything to make everyone happy again. He wanted his best friend to smile and be carefree. He didn't want his brother to carry the burden of regret. But now he couldn't help. It was too late. The damage was done. I could have waited. If I didn’t go to her house that day to tell her that I love her, none of this would have happened. I would have thought more carefully about loving Rachel or loving Skye. But now I can’t go back to the past and change things.
"Matt?" I slowly looked up at him. He continued to examine me and sighed. "Yeah?" "I don't think that was a mistake" I announced. Matthew just glanced at me for a few seconds, speechless. "Dude, you have to make this right for you and Rachel. I don't want to hang around the awkward tension between you guys. Nobody does. I want you and Rachel to be happy. If being together doesn't make you guys happy then don't stay together. You just have to do something. I know how you feel. I understand. You have to do something though. Talk to Rachel" he sighed deeply. "I'm scared" I admitted. "You have to face the challenges of the world sometime" he patted my shoulders. If my older twin brother tells me to do something, I certainly have to listen. Even if I didn’t want to.
"I'll go talk to her now" I said. He gave me thumbs up and nodded. I walked over to Rachel's bunk slowly. I could still hear the sound of sniffing. She's been crying. This made me realize that I don't deserve her. She needs someone better who won't break her heart. "Um... Rachel?" I spoke up nervously. "Matt?" she asked. I bit my lips. This is it. I let out a very deep breath. "No it's me, Nathan" I almost mumbled. "Nate, your here. Can I talk to you? We really need to talk about something. Are you willing to listen and corporate with me?" she turned around to face me. I sat on her bunk bed. "Sure, I'll listen. It's the least I can do"
"Okay" she tried to smile and nodded. "Rachel, I'm not going to lie to you. I did sleep with Skye. It's my fault. Don't blame her. I got her into this" I started. She just nodded like it's no surprise. "It's your fault not hers?" she questioned. She bit her lips and pulled a piece of dark brown hair out of her face. "I left my iPod in her bag so I made her come up to give it to me and I guess I just couldn't keep it in my pants" I shrugged. "Nate, at least your being honest with me" she managed a smile. "Hey, that's what I'm here for right?" I asked. "Look Nathan, do you love me?" she asked, straight to the point.
"Rachel, I fucking love you" I said truthfully. Who doesn't love Rachel? She is the German beauty I've always wanted. The beautiful feminine features and the bubbly personality was everything I could ever have asked for. Any guy who ever sets eyes on her would want to make out with her and get to know her. I'm just lucky enough to get that chance. But I ruined it. I can't even put my finger on how I feel about this. I don't feel regretful but I feel bad. I wouldn't take any of it back honestly. "I love you so much. I still do. But I don't think you want to be with me anymore do you?" she asked. "I don't know" I shrugged.
"What do you mean you don't know? Nathan I still want you. I mean I do care that you slept with my sister but if you say that you truly love me then I believe you. I was mad before. Anyone could have been mad but I trust you. Maybe it was a mistake. Or was it purposely done? Things like that happen but I'm telling you, I won't break up with you. If you don't want me then break up with me" she said, trying to keep the tears in her eyes. "Rachel, don't cry" I pulled her into a tight hug. Why is she forgiving me? That is what I don't get. She's the perfect girl that everyone wants. I ended up having her. I broke her heart and she still wants to be with me. How am I ever going to live this down?
Any guy in their right minds would have promised her that he'll never do this again. And they wouldn't. But I don't think I'm in the right state of mind. What about Skye? She has some similar beauty that Rachel has. They both have those beautiful brown eyes. Their lips curve into the same type of smiles. Rachel and Skye have similar physical features but they were so different from each other. Rachel would always make sure everything’s okay with you and herself. She would always think before she does anything. Rachel always looks at the bright side of things. Skye just don't care about the actions being made. She just does what she feels like doing. She’s your typical daredevil. She doesn't think before she does anything. She just does it. Skye also looks at the negative side of things so she wouldn’t be let down. I don't even know what I like more. I love them both but I just can't decide what to do.
"Rachel I love you but I can't just pretend like nothing happened. Like what if I hurt you again?" I questioned. "Why are you so sure that you are going to hurt me again? Are you?" she asked, looking at me. "Rachel, I don't know what to do. I know I promised you that I will never leave you for Skye. I won't leave you for her. I admit that I have fallen for her a bit. But I can't fully give my heart to her because you have the other half. I don't know who I love more. I don't ever want to find out either. But if I leave you, I won't go to her unless you give me permission to but I don't think I will. I just want to take time off to think over where my heart truly belongs to" I explained to her honestly.
Rachel nodded. She understood. "I have to tell you something too Nate" she spoke. "Really? What do you need to tell me then?" I asked. "Remember how I used to have dreams?" she said. I nodded. "I told you about the dream where we were having hot steamy sex in the back of your car right?" I smiled and nodded again. "Well, it wasn't you" she looked down at her hands. "What do you mean?" I questioned. "The dreams weren't about you. It was Matthew" she said silently. "So you dreamed that you had hot steamy sex with Matthew?" I summed up. She bit her lips but nodded. "Okay so I guess your being honest too"
"But I don't love him though. It was just a stupid dream. My heart truly belongs to you" she said, smiling up at me.