He picked Skye. I guess I should be perfectly fine with it. To this day, I still can't stop thinking about it. Would things have turn out differently if Madina Lake didn't have that secret show in Chicago? But I didn't blame Skye or Nathan at all. You can't stop lovers from loving each other. They can't control what they want. Just like me. I can't control the fact that I still love Nathan. At first I thought I could get over him but I knew I couldn’t, I loved this guy too much. Of course things have been very different and I distanced myself away from the guys. There's no business having me around here when I have absolutely no right to be with them. I was just Nathan's ex girlfriend. I haven’t seen any of the guys in almost two years. I stayed in Chicago and hung out with my friends that I've pushed aside for Nathan. Madina Lake’s success is really taking off. Even Skye's band was gaining some fame.
"Coffee?" my friend, Josie asked. I shook my head, "I just want iced tea" I answered. "Dude, we're in Starbucks" she reminded me. "Oh, then I'll just have the mocha coffee thingy" I rubbed my temples. "That's perfectly fine, I’ll go get it" Josie got up and walked to the counter. The guy taking her order smiled at her. I tapped my foot impatiently as they made conversation. Josie was laughing and the guy just shrugged. They chatted for a few more minutes until he actually took the order. I sighed when Josie finally came back with the order. "Flirting with the cashier guy?" I smirked. "He's so cute" she gushed. "Aww, love" I laughed.
"Hey, when was the last time you've been in love?" she raised her eyebrows and gazed at me questionably. I thought long and hard about my answer. I sighed, "I'm still in love"
I yawned and opened my eyes. My head continues to throb. This is the result of another hang over. I was in the middle of our living room. There was glass everywhere surrounding me. I groaned at the sight, we had another fight. I tried to get up but my ankles stopped me. I yelled in pain and fell back down onto the floor, having one of the glass pieces cut through one of my fingers. I yelled again. What the hell happened last night exactly? I knew that we both got drunk, resulting this. I looked at my ankles. There were cuts and dried blood around it. It looked like he smashed the beer bottle against it. "Wow" I mumbled.
Why was this happening again? We get drunk, practically kill each other and wake up the next day, feeling bad for each other. I forced myself up to see if there were damages done to Nathan. I looked in our bedroom and he wasn't there. I checked the kitchen. He wasn't there either. I finally looked in the bathroom and there he was. I limped over to his figure on the floor. I sat down and began gently stroking his cut on his left cheek. Knowing I had caused this, I blame myself. "Nathan" I mumbled softly. Why were we living our lives like this?
Why am I always so abusive when I get drunk? This sucks. I know it happened a few times but it's never as horrible as this one. Each time it gets worst. Each time I feel worst. Each time I promised myself that it will not happen again. But it happens again. I began thinking back to the time we first met. It was the bar. He was looking straight into my soul when I was singing. I thought that he was the one for me. I doubted myself when I found out that he was with Rachel. As time passes by, they grow apart and we grew closer. But one day we slept with each other after Frank cheated on me with Fiona. Talking about those two, they are getting married in just about a month. Gerard and Lyn-Z got married on the last day of the Projekt Revolution tour.
Nathan and I had sex in his hotel room and Rachel knew about it. She was devastated. I didn't understand why she brought herself to forgive me. Maybe she knew all along that Nathan loved me. I didn't know he did until he told me that night on my porch. Nathan broke up with Rachel the day after that event. I didn't know why Rachel still wanted to be with him after he cheated on her with me. I guess she truly loved him and I feel bad to this day that I took him away from her. They broke up because Nathan wasn't sure who he loved. I had my hopes up that he maybe likes me but it was brought down when he told me he didn't know if he liked me or Rachel. I was so sure that he'd pick Rachel. They were so happily together before. Or so I thought. We went on like this for a few weeks, wondering who Nathan wanted. Rachel and I both wanted him but we knew that one of us is going to get hurt. Nathan kept stressing over not being able to choose between us.
But one day I woke up in the middle of the night. Fiona and the guys were still asleep. I drank a few bottles of Ginger ale and turned on the TV. It was so quiet and something was bothering me obviously. I decided that I wanted fresh air instead. So I got up from my seat and walked to the porch. I was humming to myself and looking into the stars when I heard heavy loud footsteps towards the front door of the apartment. I looked over to see who it was. "Nathan what the hell are you doing here?" I hissed loudly. He turned to me and his expression lit up. "Skye, I need to talk to you!" Nathan shouted. I hushed him and ran to my front door and rushed down the stairs to open the apartment door for Nathan. "Let’s go inside" he suggested.
"Okay sure" he grabbed my wrists and we ran up the stairs. This action frightened me a bit. Why did he wake up in the middle of the night to come over? We got in the house and he led me to the porch. "Nathan, what are you doing up so late?" I asked. "I woke up in the middle of the night and I realized that I love you" he said looking at me. "Wha- what?" I stammered. Nathan held my hands and began stroking them. "I love you Skye, I didn't know what took me so long to realize that but I know for sure that I do" he said looking deeply into my eyes. I shook my head. I couldn't believe it. He chose me over Rachel. Maybe he's drunk.
"Skye, I'm not drunk" he said. "Nathan are you sure?" I asked. "Skye I know I do. I didn't come here in the middle of the night for no reason. Anyways, why are you up so late?" he asked me. "I couldn't sleep, something’s bothering me" I told him. "Well something’s bothering both of us and I assume that this is the reason why" he leaned closer to me. I backed away, "but what about Rachel? I promised her I..." he interrupted me, "so did I. But I can't choose promises over true love. Remember I don't follow the rules" I laughed, "You don't follow the rules? I think that's me. You always follow the rules. You do what you are told to and that's what I like about you"
"So if you don't follow the rules, what's stopping you from me?" he questioned. "I don't know. I'm stopping myself" I said. "Then relax, everything is going to be okay. Trust me" he reattempted at coming closer to me. This time I didn't stop him. I wrapped my arms around him and let him lay his lips on me. The kiss got more intense and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to the sofa in the living room and dropped me there. He placed himself on me and slowly removed my clothing. I moaned when he sank his teeth into my neck.
That was the night I'd never forget. He told me he loved me. He chose me over Rachel. Anyone who chooses me over Rachel truly loves me. Rachel is the perfect woman every guy would want. I still can't believe I'm with him. I had a longer relationship with him than Rachel even though we had many fights. Nathan and Rachel had lots of arguments when they were going out. But Nathan and I hurt each other when we weren't sober. "Skye" he mumbled my name and I opened my eyes. His eyes were open as well. "I'm sorry" I apologized. "What happened to you?" he gently ran his hands through my cuts. "I woke up and that happened" I answered. "I'm sorry" he apologized as well.
"Its fine we're okay now" I fell onto him to peck his lips. He smiled against my lips and rolled me over to the other side. "No fair, I get the top" I rolled him back against the floor. "Fine you get the top this time" he chuckled. "I love you" I stroked his hair. "I love you too sexy" he pressed his lips against my neck.
I moaned at the pleasure I was getting. I think I picked up a guy at the bar last night. Did Josie bring me to the bar? Last night was definitely a blur. He ran his lips down my body and it automatically sends chills down my body. Why did this guy have that effect on me? Who was he? Why did this feel like Nathan? No I need to stop thinking about him. There are other guys out there for me other than Nathan. I'm definitely over him. Or at least I thought I was. Whatever whoever this guy was, he was the one for me. The last guy that ever got in my pants and made me feel like this was Nathan. This guy reminded me of Nathan and he might help me get over him. I need to get over him.
I held my breath and opened my eyes. My eyes grew wide and I pushed him away, getting off the bed immediately. "Nathan what the fuck are you doing here?" I yelled. He stared at me confused, "I'm Matthew" my jaw dropped. "Matt?" I stuttered. "Rachel" he sighed. "Come over here" he motioned me to come back onto the bed. I nodded, doing what I was told. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against mine. I let myself fall against the bed and he climbed over me. But I was feeling a bit drowsy. I tried to stay awake to enjoy this moment. But my eyes couldn't stay open and I immediately fell back to sleep.
After what seems like a few hours later, I opened my eyes. I was excited to see Matthew again. I just want to talk to him because I missed him so much. Did I want him now? I'm basically free from what I want. I don't have anybody to hold me down. Nathan isn't mine anymore. Matt sends chills down my spine. No guy has ever made me feel that way besides Nathan. I was in Josie's guest room. I looked around in search of Matthew. He wasn't in the room. Maybe he was downstairs. I walked downstairs to the kitchen. No one was talking. I couldn't hear anyone. What if this was another dream? I've had dreams of Matthew in the past. Everything was a dream. Why do I keep believing these dreams are real?
I'd always wake up after these dreams of Matthew and look for him. My hopes were thrown away every time he's no where to be seen. But why did my heart belong to Nate? Do these dreams mean that I'm in love with Matthew? I heard Josie breathing heavily in her room. I'll go check on her. When I peeked through the cracks of my room, my eyes grew wide. Was that really Matthew? He had his arms draped around Josie. I don't understand. Was the event before a dream? I knocked softly on the door. "Come in" Josie mumbled.
I slowly turned the door knob. Josie got up from the bed and pulled me into a hug. She was fully clothed and so was Matthew. I looked over Josie's shoulders at Matthew. His eyes were wide when he saw my face. "Josie, you know her?" he asked. "Yeah, she's my best friend. You know Rachel too?" she glanced at me. "Yeah she was my best friend" Matthew answered. He smiled at me and waved. I waved back. Did that mean what happened was still a dream? Did that mean that he's with Josie now? "Matt?" I pulled away from Josie and sat on the bed beside Matt. "Rachel?" he smiled. "Did I just have another dream?" I asked him. He stared at me confused. "You had another one of those dreams?" he bit his lips and examined me. "It’s not real isn't it?" I choked on my tears. He slowly shook his head. I got up and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
I sat on the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs. I buried my face into my knees and continued to cry. Why was everything a dream? I hate reality so fucking much. Why did all of my dreams with Matthew feel so real? I was always being let down when I wake up in the morning. I feel like I'm not for this world. I live in a world of dreams. In my dreams, Matthew was possibly mine. In my heart, Nathan was always in there. Nothing made sense to me. I need to figure this life out. Everything is so confusing.
I left the grocery store and got in my car. My cell phone rang. "Nathan?" I answered the phone. "Hey sexy, when are you coming back home?" he asked. "I need to pick up my instruments from Alex's house and then I'll come back" I told him. "Oh yeah you guys are going on tour in five days" he stated sadly. "I know I'm sorry. I wish I can cancel it but I don't really want to. I love touring" I said. "I’m going to the UK in a month" he responded. "Fuck, we don't even spend much time together anymore" I frowned. "Anyways come home soon okay? How's your ankles?" he asked. "It’s been better. Doesn't hurt that much anymore" I answered. "That’s good. See you later babe" he hung up.
I drove to Alexander's house. I got out of the car and stopped abruptly. There was another car near the driveway. I shook it off and knocked on the door. The doorknob turned and my expression froze. I can't believe it. I saw the face I thought I'd never see again forever. "Skye, your looking hotter than ever" Tom gave me a cheeky grin. "Tom, I'm just here to see Alex. I need to get something" I attempted at walking past him but he grabbed my sides and slammed me against the wall. "Dude chill" I shouted.
"How can I just chill when you just leave and never come back for three years. Then I see a band promo poser with your face on it. What the fuck was that about? When I search online I see pictures of you with other rock stars. What about me? I was the one who was here for you before all of this fame. I still have your stuff at my house. I pick them up and just smell them. They smell just like you. I don't even know where you were. You come back looking like this. You changed but you didn't change for me. If you didn't see me here, you would have completely forgotten about me forever. Not that you remembered me at all" he yelled at me. I stared at him, still in shock.