Heads fall, they stare ahead, the black coffin door closes.
Life fails miserably, death always prevails.
Why it was meant to be and how it came to pass is a mystery to me.
You can't even hear her, and she's standing right there.
Nobody sees her, she laying right here.
Trapped inside freedom, with bars for a cage,
She can't escape it, no matter how she tries,
Cuz that's just how life goes,
And we're left to wonder why.
So why can't you hear her....yelling at the top of her lungs?
Yeesh! Crappy song, I know, but I was in a creative mood and couldnt really think of anythin' else but that sappy emo "kill-me-now song" teehee.
2 MORE WEEKS OF TORTURE B4 I GET TO GO HOME!!!!!
I can't wait! Yet I can, b/c somehow I know that when I return home, everything me and Gerard have gone through (and Frank, too) is going to like, evaporate, and we'll probably never talk again. 2 be honest, I'm a little worried. I made some friends these last two weeks, and they're really cool. Sure, Frank's a NUT and Gerard is a little MOODY, but so what? So am I at times... Oh SHUT UP! Fine, its true, I'm a bitch ALL the time. Happy now? Yeah, I bet you are..
Gerard and I hardly even argue now. How horrible is that, I mean I used to wake up in the morning with a plan already in motion! Now, ever since we've started to bond, I cant think of a single thing to do to him... other than use all the hot water for showers. But then again that doesn't really count, because I'd do that anyway, even if we were best friends.
Ohmigod, dude --> FRANK HAS A GIRLFRIEND!
Yes, I realize that was completely and utterly random, and quite frankly I don't give a damn. Her name is Jamia, but I call her J for short. It's just easier that way. We've never actually met yet, but he's supposed to be bringing her over 2day. He's real excited, I can tell from the way he was practically bouncing out of his seat last night.
I just realized something.. It's almost Valentine's Day! I'm almost dreading it. I mean, who honestly wants to sit in a classroom full of beautiful boys and girls and watch them all get flowers and such? Definitely not me, that's for sure. And no, I'm not jealous! I just think it's a waste of my time.. Wanna know something sad? School is gonna start next week, which is about 5 days and 14 hours away. Suckish, right? Totally. Oh yea, and get this: GERARD AND FRANK AND MIKEY ALL GO TO MY SCHOOL! I never would have known if Mikey hadn't been griping and complaining about Mrs. Columbo last night. See, everything always happens at NIGHT:
Voting happens at night. Sleeping happens at night. Concerts happen at night. Robberies happen at night. Weird demented conversations happen at night (or just whenever I'm around) - EVERYTHING HAPPENS AT NIGHT!!
Well I have to go get all ready for Jamia and Frank to come over, and I have the strangest feeling that I'll be taking a cold shower today, considering Gerard's already in it. CRIKEY!
I closed my journal and slid it under the mattress, where no one ever bothers to look, and stood up, stretching. As I did so, my tummy growled. Ah, I forgot to eat this morning. Eh, oh well. That's what I get for sleeping in.
After I was done stretching, I headed to the bathroom, noting the steam that was blowing out from underneath the door. I knocked twice.
"Hey, Gerard, you in there buddy?" I called.
"Yeah, be out in like five minutes!"
Hm, five minutes eh? That's enough time to cause some real damage.. Kind of.. OK um, how should I do this... Oh snap! I totally have it. It's a bit kiddish, but whatever. Better this than something really really gay.
I knocked again. "Hey, can I come in? I really need to pee!" I heard him laughing, so I took that as a yes. "Don't you dare look," I warned him as I went in and shut the door."Or else I'ma castrate you while you sleep, you hear?" He snorted.
"Yeah yeah, stop you're worrying. Remember, I'm a gentleman, not a scallywag." I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"Dude, you are so not a pirate. Damn poser." I think he could tell I was smiling, despite my tone. Plus he laughed. That's always a dead give-away.
"Hurry up and finish peeing, I'm starting to prune!"
"Gosh Gerard, I didn't think that was possible. You're such a drama queen!" He really was, you know. Like no joke, if there was a way to record him every time he had one of his "episodes" he'd probably win an award for it.
"Just hurry, OK? I'm serious, I can't be lookin' like a prune when Frank shows up."
Alright, but you asked for it, I thought as I stood and pulled my pants up. I flushed the toilet, and turned on the faucet to wash my hands. The hot water, in case you were wondering. Hot makes the shower freezing, and cod makes the shower scalding.
"AAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!" screamed Gerard. I giggled and then ran out, making sure to close the door on the way. That ought to do it, I thought as I pulled out some clothes from my suitcase. I washed my clothes last night, in case you were wondering. OH! Another thing to add to my list of things that happen at night! Wow, I have serious issues. Ha ha.
Hm... Which shirt should I wear? Mmmm let's go with the neon green. Gotta love those bright colors! And.. yeah, the black skinnies will be nice. WHOO! Hm, I wonder how bad I smell...? I lifted my arm and sniffed. Eh, not too bad. So I probably don't really need a full on shower.]/
"Um, what are you doing?" asked Gerard from the doorway as my arm was in mid-air.
"Uh.. smelling myself?" Jeesh, talk about embarrassment! Well, not really embarrassment. What [/really would've been embarrassing is if he'd walked in while I was cleaning myself. It's called a French Bath. I don't know why.
"Oh. Well I kind of need the room now," he said, leaning against the door, arms crossed.
"Why?" I looked him over quickly, and when my eyes settled on his towel (a very tiny towel, by the way) I blushed and exclaimed, "Oh! Duh, of course. My bad, hehe..he... I'll just go now." Now that, my friend, was embarrassing.
I grabbed my stuff and practically ran to the bathroom. Shutting the door, I mentally scolded myself. I mean, could I get any more retarded?! Idiot! I screamed at myself. Why would you do that to yourself? Checking him out? Bah! Never again, Ambre, ne-ver a-gain! Still lecturing myself, I threw on my clothes, applied deodorant, and started on my face and hair.
Alright, considering I'm wearing a bright shirt... I'm gonna go with dark purple eyeshadow. Dark colors are good. Ooh, that looks really nice! Man, I should be working in cosmetics! Ugh, get over yourself Ambre, you're such a ditz. Shut up, I am not! Are too. Am not! Dude, you're even arguing with yourself; you need help. Ugh, shut up and GO AWAY!
I spoofed up my hair in that cute little scene way and smiled at my reflection. Ah, so sexy today. Gerard won't know what hit him-- NO! I'm doing this to look nice, not to get his attention. Remember Ambre, you don't want him. You don't want him. You DON'T want him. YOU DON'T WANT HIM! Ok, now that you understand that, go put on your shoes.
And so I did; I pulled on two different pairs of socks (purple and green) and then pulled on my pink and white converse. (Did I mention that they're also electric pink? Didn't think so. They're so bomb dude!)
After looking in the mirror once more to make sure everything looked perfect, I headed downstairs as I heard the doorbell ring.
"Hey! Dude, it's so nice to finally meet you," said Gerard as he led Frank and Jamia to the living room. I was watching from the kitchen, waiting until just the right time to make my entrance, which would be as soon as my heart stops pounding and I don't feel like hurling anymore. In case you were wondering, I get really nervous around other girls. I'm not a lesbian. I just don't really mix well with other girls. It's like.. Ugh, I can't really explain it. When I can, I'll let you know.
"Hi! Gerard, right? Frank's told me all about you. And someone named Ambre?" Jamia looked at Frank, who looked at Gerard, who in turn looked at the kitchen door I was peeking through.
"Yeah, hang on a second. She's probably doing something girlie like you weird people do," Gerard said as he headed straight for me and the door.
"Oh Gerard, you know you do it too!" called Frank.
"Whatever, man, suck it!" Gerard retorted. Frank was shouting something about Gerard wearing guyliner right before he walked through the door and bumped right into me. "Dude, I thought you wanted to meet her," he said, motioning towards the living room, a slight frown tainting his face.
"I do! I mean, well.. I'm a little nervous," I admitted, shuffling my feet.
"Whoa whoa whoa. You? Nervous? Nice one, but I'm not falling for it." I rolled my eyes for the second time today.
"Gerard, I'm being completely serious. I get nervous around girls for some reason," I whispered, afraid that someone might be listening. Gerard obviously didn't think so. "It's like, we just don't mix well. There's jealousy, and boys, and make up, and God knows what else. I'm just afraid that she won't like me.." Yeah, there's your explanation, in case you were still wondering.
"Aw, come on! I promise, she won't bite. You don't even have to say anything! Ooh, hey, I have an idea."
"Oh dear God," I groaned. I'd heard enough about his ideas from Frank to know that they were never any good. But they were sometimes exciting. So I guess I could tough it out if it wasn't too bad.
"Shut up, it's not so bad. All you have to do is carry in the drinks, I'll introduce you, and all will go according to plan."
"Wait, there's a plan?"
He sighed. "It was a figure of speech, Ambre. Come on, you can do it! Here," he said, handing me a tray with raspberry lemonade on it, along with some cups. "Just walk with me."
"Alright. But if I get sick, it's all your fault," I said, glaring at him. He only laughed and pulled me out with him. As we walked into the livingroom, Frank and Jamia stopped talking and stared up at us. Frank smiled and waved at me, and I smiled back. Jamia smiled very faintly.
"Hey guys. This is the oh-so-famous Ambre. Ambre, this is Jamia," Gerard introduced, nodding towards her. Of course that's Jamia, I thought, smiling at her. She's the only other girl in this room!
"Hi," she said. I set the tray down and looked her over. About the same height as Frank, short black hair (or was it brown?) and no make up other than some eye liner. But oh man, that smile was killer. No wonder Frank liked her so much. OK, that was probably rude, I mean I'm sure she's a very nice girl, and looks aren't everything (nobody seems to get that one).
"Hi. Sorry I took so long. Duty calls, ya know?" I said, laughing a little. Frank and Gerard even joined in.
It's safe to say that all did indeed go well. After I sat down, I listened to Gerard and Frank chat about guy stuff, and Jamia even joined in a few times. Me? I just sat and listened to it all, pretty much in a daze. Frank and Jamia were holding hands, and it was so obvious that they were practically in love.
I learned that they've been dating since their Sophomore year, and they were already planning on getting married. Well I mean who could blame them? They're like soul mates, one of the very fortunate people who actually met them. I am so happy for Frank. I really and truly am.
A good couple hours passed, and I was, for some reason, feeling very lonely. Here I am, in the middle of the room with like three other people, and I'm lonely. Maybe it was because there was love in the air? I don't know. Or maybe because of the whole 'Valentine's Day is almost here" thing going around, and seeing Frank and Jamia reminded me that I've never actually had anyone. Wait, that shouldn't matter. I've never wanted anyone until now. Damn you, Gerard.
Finally tired of listening to them talk, I stood up. They stopped talking and looked up at me, as if to ask where I was going. I smiled politely.
"I'm sorry, guys. I'm just really tired. But please, keep talking. Gerard can fill me in on everything later, right?" I asked, looking his way. Our eyes locked on each others, and I suddenly had the sensation that he saw right through my little lie. At least, that's what his eyes said.
"Yeah, of course. Good night, Ambre," said Gerard, breaking eye contact and turning back towards the lovely couple, who also said good night. I smiled and walked upstairs, straight to the bedroom, and shut the door. And just stood there, staring off into space.
That's when the tears came. I don't know where they came from, but there they were, spilling down my cheeks, making my eye liner run. I went over to the dresser that I was sharing with Gerard for the time being and began to take everything off my face. The make up that had been so beautiful earlier had turned against me, making me look like some horrific monster, and I couldn't bare it.
When that was done, I threw myself onto the bed closest to me and just sobbed all my feelings away, into the pillow. I don't really remember when I fell asleep, but the next thing I knew a very sleepy Gerard was shaking me awake.
"Dude, Ambre, get up," came his faint request.
"Mmmmmmm," was all I could manage to say as I held up an arm for him to grab, which he did. As I stood up, my vision went all dark and fuzzy, like when you stand up or move too fast after staying still for so long. Needless to say, I fell backwards. And who else should catch me in his arms but Gerard? I mean think about it, he was standing there after all.
"Whoa there, girl. Here, use my shoulder. That's it. Alright, you can sit now."
And sit I did. I was tired, my head hurt like I was going through a rough hang-over, and I had just fallen into Gerard's arms. Oh, if only I was more awake!
"Why did I have to move?" I asked, although I'm pretty sure all that came out was "Whaaay move?"
"You fell asleep in my bed, dude. I figured you'd like, freak or something if I moved you so I just woke you up. You can sleep now, though."
"Did Frank and Jamia already leave?"
"Yeah. But shh, Mom and Mikey are sleeping. Wouldn't wanna wake em up. They're real pains this early in the morning."
"When did they get home?"
"Uh, like an hour ago."
"And how long ago did Frank leave?"
"About two or three."
I thought about that for a little bit. "What were you doing up until now?"
"Well I uh.." He cleared his throat a little. "I ate dinner, drew for a little while, and uh, that was pretty much it."
"You're blushing. Are you hiding something?" I asked him, squinting my eyes.
"No," he said, very quickly. I chuckled.
"I think you are, Gerard." I didn't just think, I knew he was. Guys just don't seem to realise that when they lie, it's written all over their faces.
"No, I'm not. You're tired and can't think properly, now go to sleep. Please." I rolled my eyes.
"Ugh, fine mother. Good night. Again." I heard him mumble good night, and I rolled over and covered my head in my cold blanket. Eek, I hate the cold. No wait, these are warm. Hm. How strange. Maybe Gerard was.. Laying.. (yawn).. In my.. Bed...
I'll edit more later :) Church.. xD But anyway, I hope you liked it! I tried to make it longer than the last two chaps.