Lisa tells her mom the news...
I looked into Steven's eyes, wondering whether or not I could trust him. Personally, I wanted his friendship. He was so friendly, kind, and he actually seemed concerned about me which was kind of weird. I mean, it wasn't like we were best friends or anything. We had only spoken a few times before, and yet here he was, willing to help me.
Wondering why he would do that, I tilted my head to the side and asked, "Why do you want to help? It's totally nice of you to offer and stuff, but is there a reason why you want to help? Is there something you want from me?" Steven's eyes squinted and he shook his head quickly to dismiss the though, "Of course not. I'm just being friendly, that's all."
That's all I needed to hear from Steven to begin spilling my story. Drawing my knees up to my chest, I confessed, "Steven, I'm really scared. I don't want to have a kid at this age. Actually, I didn't even think I wanted to have kids when I was married and an adult someday. But now I don't have a choice."
Steven flung his half-eaten sandwich aside and moved across the ground so he could sit closer to me. For some unexplainable reason, his closeness made me feel comforted. I found myself scooting closer to him as well. Steven commented, "Do you know for sure yet or is it only a guess?"
"Only a guess," I told him, but then added what I was feeling deep in my heart, "but something inside me is telling me that the test is going to be positive. You know how you just know certain things sometimes? Well, that's how I feel about this." I grabbed a three-leaf clover on the ground and started picking off it's pedals, needing something to do with my hands.
Steven was silent for a moment before he asked, "Um, Lisa? Mind if I ask you something personal? If you don't want to answer if you don't want to or anything. It's really none of my business and stuff, but I'm just...uh...kind of curious I guess." I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "Go ahead and ask."
I decided that I was just going to trust Steven. I would tell him what he wanted to know, and in turn, I was hoping to earn the trust and friendship I wanted from him. Averting his gaze from mine so he wouldn't have to look in my eyes when he asked, Steven questioned, "If you really are pregnant...was it from...um...Joe?"
"Um hm," I admitted, twiddling with the stem of the clover. Steven didn't ask for details, but I went into them anyways, figuring he wanted to know even though he wasn't asking. Steven was too polite and considerate to ask for details. So I continued, "It seemed like a good idea at the time with Joe, you know? I was leaving and we weren't going to see each other for a long time so we were just kind of like, 'What the hell? Why not do it?' And it was all great and stuff, I don't wish I could redo my actions or anything, I just wish I had prepared better. I feel so stupid for not having bought birth control or anything."
After that, I fell silent, cheeks blushing ever so slightly. It was a little awkward to be talking to a guy about all this, but Steven didn't seem to mind. Instead, he seemed relatively curious, "It's not really your fault for not thinking things though, Lisa. And besides, what is done, is done. You can't live your life regretting your decisions from the past. You'll never enjoy your life that way. You'll live in some sort of personal prison. So just let that part go and stop blaming yourself for my sake, okay?"
I shrugged and pretended to inspect the stem of the clover carefully so I wouldn't have to look at Steven. Steven stayed silent for a few seconds then added, "This also isn't any of my business, but I can't help but wonder something." I raised an eyebrow and waited for Steven to finish his sentence. He asked, "Are you still with Joe?"
I nodded vigorously. It was an immediate reaction. In my opinion, I would always be with Joe no matter what happened. I loved Joe and nothing would ever change that. No guy could ever replace my Joe. The only thing that worried me was the question of whether or not Joe would still want me after he figured out I was pregnant.
On a random impulse, I blurted out, "Steven? Have you ever...you know...?" I let my sentence trail off, knowing that Steven would know exactly what I meant without me going into further details. Steven gave me a funny look and then nodded slightly, "Yeah, but I didn't get anyone pregnant if that's why you're asking."
I started blushing furiously, wishing I hadn't just asked that stupid question. Asking if someone had lost their virginity or not wasn't really a typical question that came across in normal, everyday conversations. An awkward silence fell between us after my impulsive question and I started to pick at the stem of the clover.
"Steven, if you got your girlfriend pregnant, would you break up with her?" I asked. Okay, I know it was another personal question, but I wanted to see what Steven would do. I was really freaking out about what Joe would do when he heard my news. If I ended up losing Joe, well...I would end up losing everything.
Avoiding my question, Steven tried to rephrase it, "You're asking if Joe's going to break up with you?"
I nodded, glad he had gotten the point.
"Let me just say this much," Steven said, "If Joe decides to dump you for what's happened, then he's not worth it. I means he only loved you to a certain point. But if he decides to stay with you, then he's definitely the guy for you. And Lisa? If it doesn't work out with Joe, don't get yourself too depressed. I mean, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, ya know."
I didn't know or agree with that. I had found Joe and now I wanted no other 'fish in the sea' as Steven put it. Before I could say something else to Steven, the school bell rang loudly, causing us both to jump. I wished I was deaf so I couldn't hear the school bell. I didn't really feel like going back into that nightmare of a building and trying to survive social studies and English.
Steven picked up his long forgotten sandwich, got to his feet, and then held out a hand for me to take. I let him help me to my feet and then found myself smiling nervously as Steven took my hand and led me back to the entrance of the school. Once we were standing right outside the entrance, Steven waved and said, "I'm off to band practice. Have a good rest of the day, okay? We can talk more tomorrow." With that, Steven turned and started down the path. And I trudged wearily back into the ominous building in front of me. It was going to take all my strength to make it through another afternoon at this school.
~ ~ ~ ~
As soon as my mom dropped me off at our house after school, I hurried inside, ditched my school bag, and ran up the stairs at top speed. I needed to figure out the results of the pregnancy test right now. I had been thinking about it all day long, and I just couldn't wait another second. Just as I was about to burst through my bedroom door, a voice called from downstairs.
"Lisa, honey? Can you come down here for a second? I need to show you something," my dad bellowed from the kitchen. I cursed under my breath with my hand still on the door knob. How come my dad always needed me when I was busy or needed to get something done? Surely whatever he needed to show me could wait until I had done what needed to be done.
Just as I was thinking about pretended not to have heard my dad and going in my room anyway, he called again, "Lisa! I know you can here me, so get your little ass down here!" I cringed at my dad's words and reluctantly started back downstairs. My dad had a sharp temper that flared up if he wasn't obeyed right away. Taking a deep breath, I rounded the corner and walked into the kitchen where my dad was standing with a piece of paper in his hand.
When I approached, he looked up at me with stern eyes and with his mouth in a thin line. He tossed the piece of paper at me and said, "What the hell is this?" I caught the folded piece of paper and quickly unfolded it, curious to see what it was. As soon as I saw what it was, I was tempted to crumple it up and tear it to bits. The piece of paper had all my grades from school this year on it. There were mostly Cs and a few Bs. That would be a big surprise to my parents since I was usually a straight-A student. How was I possibly going to explain this dramatic drop in grades to my parents?
"I'm...sorry," I said, shocked by my own failure as my eyes continued to roam over the paper.
"Hmph!" my dad snorted, "I hope you have more to say than that. I have a lot I'd like to say to you, but I think I'm going to let your mother handle this one. Just know that I'm very disappointed in you." I nodded, hanging my head in shame. After my dad turned his back to me, I sprinted back up the stairs and into my bedroom, collapsing on the bed.
So on top of the whole pregnancy thing, now my parents were both really pissed off about my grades. How much worse could life get? Deciding not to delay any longer, I grabbed the pregnancy kit out from under my bed and took a long look at it. Positive. Just like I had though. Now I had proof of it though. Oh god, what was I going to do?
Hot angry tears formed in my eyes and started spilling down my cheeks. I was so mad at everything and everyone right now. I was mad at my parents for making me leave my home, mad at my new school for making me get such mad grades, mad at Ashley for calling me fat, and mad at myself for being such an idiot.
I was so lost in my own misery that I forget to come down for dinner. So it was two hours later when there was a light tap at my door and my mom stepped inside. As soon as I saw her, the words poured out of my mouth, "Mom, I'm pregnant."