Lisa gets used to the idea of being pregnant...
There was a very long, tense silence during which my mom stared at me with her eyes bugging out. I shifted uncomfortably where I was sitting and twisted my hands together in my lap, waiting for her to say something. The silence between us was starting to get unbearable. It was impossible to tell what my mom was thinking. All I could see was shock on her face by the way she looked at me and by her dropped jaw. I really wished she would say something. I would even prefer screaming and yelling to this silence.
"Um...mom?" I murmured nervously, not meeting her eyes as I shifted on the bed. Finally, she shook her head as if she was being shook out of a trance and said, "So you're pregnant. I knew something fishy was going on with you lately. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I would've liked to know sooner."
"I didn't know for sure," I explained. Then I admitted guiltily, "And I didn't really want to tell you unless I knew for sure because I knew you'd obviously be mad and stuff. You are mad, aren't you?" Mom thought for several, long moments before answering, "Slightly, yes. But now that you've told me about the pregnancy, I'm a little relieved. I was wondering why you had been so sick lately. You'd been acting really weird and I was starting to think I needed to send you to a counselor."
I shuddered at her words. Going to a counselor would be a terrible experience that I could certainly do without! Only crazy people went to counselors. I may be having Joe's kid, but that certainly didn't mean I was crazy. My mom came over and sat on the bed next to me, putting a comforting arm around me.
"So honey," she continued carefully, "what happened? I know this is personal, but how exactly did you get pregnant? Did you have a condom break or did you get raped?" This was a really embarrassing question. The last thing I wanted to tell my mom was that I hadn't even bothered to use a condom and that I had just "hoped for the best." But now that she knew my biggest secret, I might as well tell her everything. She was bound to be mad at me for all this anyways.
"I...um...we didn't use one," I said in a barely audible voice, not meeting my mom's eyes as I said this. My mom's arm stiffened around my shoulder and I could feel her whole body tense. I expected her to tell me that I was crazy or that I had been an idiot, but to my relief, she didn't.
"I see," was all she said before adding, "So when did this happen?"
"You know that night that I told you I was going to Mandy's? I think it was two nights before we left for New York," I started. My mom nodded, acknowledging that she remembered that night quite clearly. Biting my lip, I continued, "Well, I...went to Joe's instead. And we...you know..." I left the sentence unfinished. I was going to tell my mom pretty much everything, but I just couldn't quite say, "Joe and I had sex", for some reason.
My mom tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then said, "So this is Joe's child. Lisa, I hope you realize what your actions are going to cost you. The next year is going to be anything but normal for you. You're going to have to go through a lot of changes and probably a lot of pain too. We're going to have to let Joe and his parents know about this eventually. Do you want them to know sooner or later?"
"Definitely later," I replied quickly, not ever wanting Joe to learn about this. Then I actually took in the rest of my mom's sentence and added indignantly, "Do we have to tell Joe's parents? I don't want to tell them. It's not like they need to know about this for anything. Can't we just keep it a secret?"
Mom gave me a sorry smile and shook her head, "No, we're going to have to tell them at some point. This is big news and they do deserve to know. We can put it off for a little while though if you want. What do you want to do about your dad?" What did I want to do about my dad? I wanted to run away from him and then return after I had the kid. I knew that my dad was going to be very mad at me when he learned that I was pregnant. He wasn't exactly the most understanding guy in the world. Facing him would be like drowning in the fires of hell.
"Can I stay at grandma's or something when it becomes noticeable?" I asked. "That way dad would never have to know or anything!" My mom laughed at my solution and shook her head, "Nice try, but no. Your dad will definitely know something's up if you disappear at your grandma's house for six months. Speaking of which, you'd miss a lot of school that way too."
School. I shuddered at the word. I hated school as it was. It was already torture to spend everyday there. Steven was the only guy that helped me get through the days. But seriously, how the hell was I suppose to go to school when I started showing? I would have to quit school for at least a little while, right?
I voiced this question to my mom, saying, "About school...um, do you mind if I take the rest of this year off? It's not like it's doing me much good anyways. I can do algebra fine and my chemistry is great. Besides, can you even imagine what it would be like for me to have to survive through school and how much I would be teased and ridiculed?"
My mom looked torn in two directions, like part of her wanted me to go to school but another part of her agreed with me in that I should take the rest of the year off. Finally, she stated, "I want you to go to school for now. In a few months, we'll reassess everything and see how you're doing, okay?"
"But mom!" I pleaded, wanting to get out of the rest of school more than anything else. "I'm sick! How can I possibly go to school when I'm throwing up all the time?"
"You'll manage," my mom said firmly, not budging an inch. "Besides, from what your dad showed me, you really do need to finish up your education this year." I grimaced. Did that mean that my dad had already showed my mom my report card? I decided not to ask about it. There wasn't any reason in discussing it right now.
"I know this isn't really a great time," my mom said, glancing at her watch, "But I've gotta run to a meeting for work right now. Are you gonna be okay?" I nodded. This little discussion with my mom certainly hadn't gone as bad as I had thought it was. It could've definitely have been a lot worse. I was feeling more peaceful than I had in days.
"Okay then," my mom said, rising from the bed and heading towards the door. "I'm off. But I'll talk to you in a little while. And Lisa? Thanks for telling me about this. I know it must've been hard for you." With that, she disappeared through my door and shut it behind it. Somehow, I had managed to make it through this discussion unscathed. I could only hope that my future would be just as easy.
~ ~ ~ ~
The next month and a half went by in the wink of an eye. Nothing much happened during that month and a half. I continued to have my stomach pains and nausea, but other than that, I was doing okay. I had stayed in contact with Mandy and Joe. I still hadn't managed to get up the nerves to tell Joe about me being pregnant yet. That was going to wait until the very last minute.
School hadn't gotten any easier. Mrs. Wolf and all the teachers seemed to be picking on me. They asked me to stay after class to discuss my grades which only made me late for other classes. My friendships with Ashley, Brittany, and Hilary had fallen apart. I just didn't have what it took to be one of those girls. They were so different than me. They were solely concerned about beauty, social status, and being the high school prom queens. I, on the other hand, was just trying to survive high school and stay invisible from everyone there who I considered enemies.
Unfortunately, I had gained quite a few enemies in my short time at the high school. Ashley certainly considered me an enemy at this point. Want to know why? It was because of Steven. Ashely was all over Steven. Whenever he was around, she flirted and tried to ensnare him, but never succeeded. Steven was always polite and friendly to Ashley, but never showed interest in having her be more than an "associate" to him.
On the other hand, Steven and I had become very close. We always sat together and lunch and there wasn't a day that passed that we didn't talk to each other for at least a few minutes. Steven learned a lot about me and I learned a lot about him. Apparently, music was his life. He didn't give a shit about school when he knew he could be playing guitar or singing in a band. He had told me that it was his dream to start a band of his own someday that would be recognized by the whole world. I told him I believed that was very well possible. For most people, it wouldn't be possible, but for Steven, it was different. Steven was different. There wasn't anyone I knew like him.
And because of my bonding with Steven, Ashley grew jealous and I could tell she would do just about anything to hurt me. Little did I know what extremes she would go to.