I have been asking myself why I lie every single day I still do not know why. Every one in the world has lied at least once but at least those people know when to stop as for me I cannot stop lying. I am going to change all of that though or at least give it a try first goal is not to lie for one whole day which starts today. So far, I have not lied for four hours it is killing me inside trying not to lie; it is like a druggie going off drugs for a day.
Let’s rethink this I have lied every since I was around ten I would day, I am seventeen so I have been lying for seven years might as well say my whole life. Not lying for one whole day is going to beyond hard there has not been a day where I have not lied, but I know I have to change.
I lock myself in my room in fear if I leave then I will some how tell a lie I know I cannot hid forever even though I wish I could shut myself off from the world so I could never lie again, but that would mean I would never have a life or ever see Gerard again. After fours hours of sitting in my room I finally decide to go outside at least I know out there I will not lie. I open my door to see nurses, doctors walking down hallways I just make my way down the hallway that leads to the outside.
Once I get to the glass doors, I see Gerard at the table he was the only person I cared to see right now and the only person I could never lie too.
“Four hours of not lying, “I said while sitting beside him.
“You can do this, if you can go one whole day then the rest will be easy, “He said while looking at me.
“It is hard though I feel like a druggie coming off of drugs, I have the crave feeling, “I replied.
“I know it is going to be hard but I know you can do this, “He said.
“I hope I can. So what about you did the doctor say anything about you not eating, “I ask in hope I did not make him mad by asking.
“My doctor told me I had a month to start eating right if not then he would send me some where else to get better, “He said while looking away.
My heart stop I could not believe that Gerard might be leaving me, I thought maybe the doctor was just telling him that to scary him I did not think he would really send Gerard away.
“Then please start eating right I cannot stop lying without you, “I said trying to hide the sadness in my voice.
“Frank that is easier said then done, I can not just start eating right one day and be better like that. You have no idea how many times I tried to get better but then failed. Every time I look at food it makes me sick, “He said while looking at me.
“I know this is hard it is hard for me to stop lying just like that. But if I can do this then I know you can too. Believe me when I say you are not fat I know I am a liar and you probably will not believe me, but I am telling the truth, “I said.
I think I just told another truth it felt right I did not have that high feeling when I lied so I think I just told the truth, but it was true he was not fat he was beyond skinny. It was killing me to see him like this I wish I could just show him how beautiful he really was.
“You can tell me I am beautiful you can tell me I am pretty, but I will never believe you. I will never believe anyone I am sorry but that is the way I feel, better get use to me not being here, “He said before leaving.
My heart just drop I just watch him walk away, knowing there was nothing I could do to show him how beautiful he really was. I feel like I should chase after him but yet I still sit back it was killing me seeing him like this, he was never like this before. However, I could not help but think why he did he say I better get use to him not being here.
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