Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Salvation
- Interesting concept and basis, but I think something is messing with your formatting here, 'twas rather difficult to read with 'most everything run together. Too, there's one spot where the word "Awkward" appears on a line by itself with no real connection to the thoughts on either side of. On the positive side, you've got a good plot idea and I like that Harry's got weaknesses as well as strengths. It will be rather interesting to see the reactions of his "friends" in Britain to Dumbledore's accusations, charges, and manipulations. I would hope that some of them would stand by him.
- Pretty good start. Spelling needs a bit of work, but it's still readable. I'm guessing Fleur and Harry will eventually bond and Fleur will conceive. Lots of room for this story for multiple chapters. I'm surprised Hermione was not even mentioned in the story, after all, she's the only one that fully supported Harry all the way. A three way would be nice,
(#) ROBERT_1958 2010-07-16Fawkes needs to unbond with DumbleDORK (for what DumbleDORK has done to Harry and others) and bond to Harry.
Harry needs to move EVERYTHING he has in the England Gringotts to thr France Gringotts, so DumbleDORK and others can NOT steal from him.
Harry needs to goto Gringotts and have a skills and lineage test run on him, as well check for any magical Blocks and tracking devices on him or his thangs.
Harry needs to become emancipated.
Harry needs to goto Gringotts and have a look at his parant's Original will(s).
Harry needs to goto Gringotts and have a skills and heritage test run on him, as well check for any magical Blocks and tracking devices on him or his thangs.
-> Harry needs to see what skills he has that he does not know about.
-> Harry needs to see what other families he is relatd to, IE:
Arthur Pendragon, Godric Griffindor, Merlin, Etc.
-> Harry needs to see what blocks (on his magic or himself, any tracking
devices or spells on him.)
-> If Harry finds out he only related to the Potters, at least he checked.
Same goes for the Blocks and spells, if he finds none, at least he checked.
Having Harry check at Gringotts would be normal for anyone.
Harry needs a list of all the business (both Magical and Non-Magical), properties, money, stocks, bonds, jewels, as well as anythang else he owns.
Harry should have or gotten a Debet card from Gringotts that works in both the Magical & Non-Magical worlds.
Author's responseFunnily enough, almost everything you have suggested happens in the story.
(#) siledubhghlase 2010-07-24You had me worried here...briefly. Thank goodness Fleur happened along or Harry'd be a slave for sure. I'm glad to know that Zoe, Marisa, and Laret aren't bad, just thoughtless. I wondered if there was going to be fire-fight, but was glad to see that Fleur was able to bring those other three to their senses.
I have to agree with Arkenstone007 on the reason Harry's not usually open to Veela allure. It IS his ability to throw off the Imperius curse as the Thrall works much the same way. He probably would be immune to the Vampires' Thrall as well.
I notice you stick with Harry's innate nobility and honesty in your fic. Good. He may have to do some underhanded things, but he never does it to directly hurt anyone and it's usually associated with his or a friend's safety. That Harry took the unbidden Wizard's Oath to prove the veracity of his story speaks volumes. If he'd only done that when his name came out of the Goblet for all the school to see, he might have been spared a lot of grief and Ron's jealous nonsense. But teenagers must be teenagers, and they'd find another reason to harass Harry, I suppose.
Anyway, you've kept me interested and yes, you have some spelling and usage problems, but nothing we, as readers, can't get past. And shrink that room in Chapter 1. LOL
even though i like your plot and the mechanics you have used so far i am rather putout by the stuff you either didnt mention or maybe forgot ...
like harry doesn't know any french, or has he learned some from fleur (it is possible just not mentioned ;)), i've been to paris and believe me, even though the larger restaurants and hotels have staff that do speak english, finding someone without the language will be quite hard ... not to mention settling any problems at gringotts ...
a 2nd huge logical flaw (at least for me) was the fact that harry apparated to france without any money (you didn't even mention if he had any in the first place, i myself don't have large amounts of money sitting in a home, i normally have like 5 pounds in my pocket and thats about it ... a 16 yearold will have less, even if he had more, even a cheap hotel for a week and steak dinner will cost some more than the cash most ppl his age have in their pocket), also canon harry is obviously a teen (as you didn't describe him i assume he looks the same in your story), why didn't the hotel staff or the restaurant staff mention this and ask either where his parents or guardians are or how he aquired so much money ... it would normally raise some questions ...
another thing is that even if harry had money, he'd have to exchange it for at that time franc ...
i really don't want to tear apart your story but those two things really stuck me as odd ;)
hope to read more from you :D
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