Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Darkness Of Flashbacks
- Don't save me 'cause I don't care -
May 13th, 2007
Jared once again sat in the white therapy room with Madison who was trying to stare him into saying something. It had been a week since Roy had beaten Jared up pretty badly, and he was still recovering from the injuries. Now there were only bruises that told the surroundings of what had happened in the canteen eight days ago, but Jared did still feel sore in the area of his nose, which had been broken. The pain wasn't what bothered Jared at all, he was actually glad to feel something to prove that he was alive. The thing that bothered Jared was how hard it actually was not to talk. He often found himself on the brink of opening his mouth, and had to force the sounds back in again.
Today, Madison had put a clean sheet of paper in front of him on the table. On the side of the paper she had put together a pile of colored crayons and pens. Jared shot her a confused glance and she smiled sweetly. Since Jared spent so much time with her, and didn't want to talk, they had created a way of communicating with their eyes. A simple look could mean more than a whole year's worth of sentences and words. Madison did of course sometimes decode his mind in a way that favoured her, but really wasn't the thing in Jared's thoughts. He shot her a confused look as he watched the crayons and the paper. "I know that you don't want to do it. But, none of us will leave this room until you have scribbled something down on that paper." Madison said coolly and took her glasses off and blew out some hot air onto them. The glass got foggy, and she cleaned the see-through material with the sleeve of her shirt. Madison was casually dressed in a pair of boot-cut jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. The only thing that pointed towards that she was a part of the staff, and not a visitor, was her name-tag which she had pinned onto her chest.
Jared still looked confused, and Madison shook her head slightly. Her auburn hair moved like a dark halo around her head. "You can describe a feeling you have with a color. Or, maybe draw something from your mind. A memory?" Madison suggested and smiled warmly. Jared shook his head and buried his face into his palms. He did not want to draw anything on that stupid sheet of paper. He wanted her to talk about the world in general, like she usually did, and not force him to get personal. "Please, don't make us stay here until midnight." Madison pleaded. Jared looked up again and met her hazel eyes. He tried to send her a message through his gaze, a message to tell her to just knock it off already. Madison shrugged and didn't let his wishes get to her. "Just do it Jared. It won't kill you."
He had had enough, as she didn't seem to get it. Jared wasn't in the mood to play a silly game, or to draw something like a first-grader would do. He picked one pen up to see how Madison inhaled and looked excited, then he broke it right before her eyes with his thumb. Just like that, he broke something inside of Madison too and she snapped. Her excitement was completely blown away and gone as she exhaled again. "For crying out loud, Mr. Leto! Stop acting like a child and get yourself together!" She snarled and dug her nails into her own thigh. It would later leave red marks on her skin. Madison knew that she had stepped over the line dramatically when she had taken her anger out on the patient. But she also knew that there was nothing wrong with Jared's voice, and that his sudden silence only was an act of stubbornness. Maybe to hide something from her and the rest of the world?
Jared stared at Madison from under his bangs with an arched eyebrow. It was the first, but not only time, that he had made her upset. Reluctantly, Jared picked a black crayon up and drew a line right over the paper to separate it into two sections. In the right box Jared drew a flash and some raindrops, and in the other box he drew a sun with the black crayon. It had a lot of meaning behind it in Jared's eyes. The right half represented his life now, with the constant rain and setbacks mixed with the awful flashbacks that he so desperately wanted to eliminate. The right half with the sun was a sign of the fame and success that he had had before the awful things happened. It was painted with the black crayon because of the darkness that always had a tendency of lingering over him.
Madison breathed heavily and stroked a couples strands of hair out of her face. "That's great, Jared." She breathed. He bit his lip until the point where the skin gave in and it actually bled. The irony taste of blood touched his tongue, and Jared shivered. He had never planned on even trying to communicate with someone ever again in any way. But the damn Madison had after just a short period of time started to get to him, breaking down his barriers that protected him. "I knew that you would do it eventually. You are person who is very expressive and artistic." Madison stated with a nod. Jared felt a fog of darkness that swept in from his gaze. He yapped for air as he knew that it was a flashback. Jared had never tried to fight against it before, but he was determined to at least try now. The memory of the night in February was somewhere inside his head, and he would do everything not to relive it once again.
It was harder than he thought to fight. The chair seemed to be too small for a battle-scene of his flashback's proportions, and he got up to his feet. Light flimmered in front of his eyes, turning a lamp on and off. "Jared, sit down." Madison ordered. She got worried when he didn't listen, and just put his hands against the wall and breathed so loud that she could hear it. The flashback had almost taken over, and Jared made a last effort to push it away. He pushed himself violently against the wall and growled. Jared was totally drained of energy and fell onto the floor in a mess. The flashback took over.
Madison shrieked when Jared fell to the floor with a loud bang. She got out of her chair and hurried down to his side. "Jared? Jared!" Madison screamed and turned him to his back. She watched his eyes doze off into space.
December 25th, 1985
"Jared, it's your birthday tomorrow." Shannon said, as a matter of fact. He hit his brother in the back of his head with a rolled up comic-book when he didn't answer. Jared hummed something back to Shannon and rolled his eyes. "I can't believe that you're turning fourteen since you act so much like a baby." Shannon snickered.
"Right... Asshole." Jared snapped back and gave Shannon the middle finger. Jared slid down into his bed and hugged the covers tightly. He wanted to just go to sleep so that he could wake up to a present and a cake. "Are you really going to sleep now? It's like 8 pm." Shannon asked slowly, and tugged at Jared's cover. Jared held on to the warm mantle tightly and growled. "Yes, yes I am. Get out of my room!" He snarled as a response. Shannon brought his hands up into the air like a gesture of peace and backed. "What do you wish to get tomorrow?" Shannon asked where he stood with half of his body inside Jared's room and the other half in the hallway. Jared thought a second about that. "I would like to get a guitar... Or maybe an easel." He then answered thoughtfully.
Shannon grinned and slowly shut the door. "Goodnight bro!" He called.
*
Jared's eyes fluttered open, and the light gave him a massive headache. He was lying on a bunk in a room which he recognized. Bent over him stood both Madison and the nurse. "You've been out for quite some time Mr. Leto." The nurse said and exited the room quickly as Madison shot her a lethal glance. Jared's mouth was dry, and he wished that he could have a glass of water. "What happened?" Madison asked, with something familiar in her voice. Jared recognized the tone, but couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was. "You scared the shit out of me. First you were doing amazing progress, then you just passed out on the floor." Madison mumbled, and Jared knew what the thing in her voice was. She cared about him, she was worried. He felt like it had been a long time ago since anyone ever spoke to him that way.
Jared let a small cough escape his lips. The flashback hasn't been that bad, but he was still afraid of what the next one would show him. Madison raked her long, dark hair desperately and sighed. "You are one damn tricky puzzle, Leto."
May 13th, 2007
Jared once again sat in the white therapy room with Madison who was trying to stare him into saying something. It had been a week since Roy had beaten Jared up pretty badly, and he was still recovering from the injuries. Now there were only bruises that told the surroundings of what had happened in the canteen eight days ago, but Jared did still feel sore in the area of his nose, which had been broken. The pain wasn't what bothered Jared at all, he was actually glad to feel something to prove that he was alive. The thing that bothered Jared was how hard it actually was not to talk. He often found himself on the brink of opening his mouth, and had to force the sounds back in again.
Today, Madison had put a clean sheet of paper in front of him on the table. On the side of the paper she had put together a pile of colored crayons and pens. Jared shot her a confused glance and she smiled sweetly. Since Jared spent so much time with her, and didn't want to talk, they had created a way of communicating with their eyes. A simple look could mean more than a whole year's worth of sentences and words. Madison did of course sometimes decode his mind in a way that favoured her, but really wasn't the thing in Jared's thoughts. He shot her a confused look as he watched the crayons and the paper. "I know that you don't want to do it. But, none of us will leave this room until you have scribbled something down on that paper." Madison said coolly and took her glasses off and blew out some hot air onto them. The glass got foggy, and she cleaned the see-through material with the sleeve of her shirt. Madison was casually dressed in a pair of boot-cut jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. The only thing that pointed towards that she was a part of the staff, and not a visitor, was her name-tag which she had pinned onto her chest.
Jared still looked confused, and Madison shook her head slightly. Her auburn hair moved like a dark halo around her head. "You can describe a feeling you have with a color. Or, maybe draw something from your mind. A memory?" Madison suggested and smiled warmly. Jared shook his head and buried his face into his palms. He did not want to draw anything on that stupid sheet of paper. He wanted her to talk about the world in general, like she usually did, and not force him to get personal. "Please, don't make us stay here until midnight." Madison pleaded. Jared looked up again and met her hazel eyes. He tried to send her a message through his gaze, a message to tell her to just knock it off already. Madison shrugged and didn't let his wishes get to her. "Just do it Jared. It won't kill you."
He had had enough, as she didn't seem to get it. Jared wasn't in the mood to play a silly game, or to draw something like a first-grader would do. He picked one pen up to see how Madison inhaled and looked excited, then he broke it right before her eyes with his thumb. Just like that, he broke something inside of Madison too and she snapped. Her excitement was completely blown away and gone as she exhaled again. "For crying out loud, Mr. Leto! Stop acting like a child and get yourself together!" She snarled and dug her nails into her own thigh. It would later leave red marks on her skin. Madison knew that she had stepped over the line dramatically when she had taken her anger out on the patient. But she also knew that there was nothing wrong with Jared's voice, and that his sudden silence only was an act of stubbornness. Maybe to hide something from her and the rest of the world?
Jared stared at Madison from under his bangs with an arched eyebrow. It was the first, but not only time, that he had made her upset. Reluctantly, Jared picked a black crayon up and drew a line right over the paper to separate it into two sections. In the right box Jared drew a flash and some raindrops, and in the other box he drew a sun with the black crayon. It had a lot of meaning behind it in Jared's eyes. The right half represented his life now, with the constant rain and setbacks mixed with the awful flashbacks that he so desperately wanted to eliminate. The right half with the sun was a sign of the fame and success that he had had before the awful things happened. It was painted with the black crayon because of the darkness that always had a tendency of lingering over him.
Madison breathed heavily and stroked a couples strands of hair out of her face. "That's great, Jared." She breathed. He bit his lip until the point where the skin gave in and it actually bled. The irony taste of blood touched his tongue, and Jared shivered. He had never planned on even trying to communicate with someone ever again in any way. But the damn Madison had after just a short period of time started to get to him, breaking down his barriers that protected him. "I knew that you would do it eventually. You are person who is very expressive and artistic." Madison stated with a nod. Jared felt a fog of darkness that swept in from his gaze. He yapped for air as he knew that it was a flashback. Jared had never tried to fight against it before, but he was determined to at least try now. The memory of the night in February was somewhere inside his head, and he would do everything not to relive it once again.
It was harder than he thought to fight. The chair seemed to be too small for a battle-scene of his flashback's proportions, and he got up to his feet. Light flimmered in front of his eyes, turning a lamp on and off. "Jared, sit down." Madison ordered. She got worried when he didn't listen, and just put his hands against the wall and breathed so loud that she could hear it. The flashback had almost taken over, and Jared made a last effort to push it away. He pushed himself violently against the wall and growled. Jared was totally drained of energy and fell onto the floor in a mess. The flashback took over.
Madison shrieked when Jared fell to the floor with a loud bang. She got out of her chair and hurried down to his side. "Jared? Jared!" Madison screamed and turned him to his back. She watched his eyes doze off into space.
December 25th, 1985
"Jared, it's your birthday tomorrow." Shannon said, as a matter of fact. He hit his brother in the back of his head with a rolled up comic-book when he didn't answer. Jared hummed something back to Shannon and rolled his eyes. "I can't believe that you're turning fourteen since you act so much like a baby." Shannon snickered.
"Right... Asshole." Jared snapped back and gave Shannon the middle finger. Jared slid down into his bed and hugged the covers tightly. He wanted to just go to sleep so that he could wake up to a present and a cake. "Are you really going to sleep now? It's like 8 pm." Shannon asked slowly, and tugged at Jared's cover. Jared held on to the warm mantle tightly and growled. "Yes, yes I am. Get out of my room!" He snarled as a response. Shannon brought his hands up into the air like a gesture of peace and backed. "What do you wish to get tomorrow?" Shannon asked where he stood with half of his body inside Jared's room and the other half in the hallway. Jared thought a second about that. "I would like to get a guitar... Or maybe an easel." He then answered thoughtfully.
Shannon grinned and slowly shut the door. "Goodnight bro!" He called.
*
Jared's eyes fluttered open, and the light gave him a massive headache. He was lying on a bunk in a room which he recognized. Bent over him stood both Madison and the nurse. "You've been out for quite some time Mr. Leto." The nurse said and exited the room quickly as Madison shot her a lethal glance. Jared's mouth was dry, and he wished that he could have a glass of water. "What happened?" Madison asked, with something familiar in her voice. Jared recognized the tone, but couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was. "You scared the shit out of me. First you were doing amazing progress, then you just passed out on the floor." Madison mumbled, and Jared knew what the thing in her voice was. She cared about him, she was worried. He felt like it had been a long time ago since anyone ever spoke to him that way.
Jared let a small cough escape his lips. The flashback hasn't been that bad, but he was still afraid of what the next one would show him. Madison raked her long, dark hair desperately and sighed. "You are one damn tricky puzzle, Leto."
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